Well friends - the news is not very good. *sigh*
My bishop did indeed send the RS pres to my home. I'm not exactly sure how to re-cap the evening, but I made a list of things we agreed on and things we disagreed on.
*Nursing is not pornagraphy
*This issue is not entirely mine
We disagree on:
*He (and the stake pres agrees) feels that nursing in Sacrament Meeting is only appropriate with a blanket.
*He feels that any incidental flash of skin resulting from my nursing will/could be a 'trigger' for a man dealing with pornagraphy issues. Sort of like dangling a ciggy in front of a recent quitter. What about ppl with foot (or other oft exposed body parts) fetishes? No one is being asked to keep their feet covered all of the time.
*When pressed, he found that the only solution in this issue in for me to use a blanket to "cover myself" while I nurse in mixed company - RS is not an issue.
*It is obvious that to him my refusal to use a blanket (while reiterating my efforts to always be as discreet as possible) clearly shows a lack of respect/understanding/cooperation/considration/compromise on my part
*He asserts that there are two ways to nurse - in the mother's lounge and "covered" (using a blanket). The third would be "uncovered" (his term).
*He and the rest of the ward can't possibly be the only ones with this negative and uncomfortable attitude towards nip. It's everywhere. (It is NOT in Oklahoma where I lived until just recently!)
*I assert that attitudes towards nip have indeed changed in the past 20
*He does not consider the normalizing of nip and breastfeeding in general to be a positive change.
*I CAN make a difference even though I am only one!
To sum up: He cannot force me to use a blanket, but pretty much threatened further action (I don't think that at this point he even knows what he would do) if I continue as I have been and later he recieves a tip that an individual he is specifically working with on porn/infidelity issues has been negatively "affected" by my nursing "uncovered". It seems to be an issue of exposed skin. If I nurse in the mother's lounge the odds that they might
see any flesh are 100:1. If I nurse among them but using a blanket, the odds of maybe
seeing flesh are then 50:1. Finally, if I nurse among them discreetly but without a blanket, the odds are suddenly 15:1 in favor of a peep show. These are apparently odd they are uncomfortable with facing.
I feel so sad. It is a sadness tinged with fear. I am afraid of being alone, and right now I feel very alone. I will never feel the same comfort and security at church that I have in the past. I will, of course, continue on as I have been. Thank you all for your incredible support. You don't know how happy and loved I felt when I read that you were checking in for an update. (How pathetic is that