Is this inappropriate or what?

[2much2luv]

I called the midwife I used with my last birth to see if I could come see her and tell her about this baby. So I say hi and blah blah and then asked Are you busy in January?" Little pause. "Are you pregnant?" in an almost disgusted tone. The conversation went on to her telling me how close they are going to be and asking if I was still nursing and then asking how I am handling it , like it will kill me. The whole conversation just felt demeaning and "icky". She never, of course, came out and said "I think big families are awful and I don't know why you are wasting your energy and time having babies. Get cable" But that is just how it felt. I mean I expected this attitude from my MIL, but not from my midwife. Whatever happened to the good ol "Congratulations!" Now I know everyone is entitled to their own opnions and bad days even, but was that even appropriate?
To say the least we will not be seeing her for this pregnancy.:

[chicklet]

Nothing worse than having someone knock the wind out of your good news!!

I agree it was totally inappropriate. Maybe she was just having a bad day? Still no excuse.

I'd follow your instinct to find a new MW.

BTW - congratulations!!

[georgia]

I say go with your gut on this. I feel very close to my mw---and if she said something that hurt my feelings, I would certainly feel the need to tell her, esp. if it made me go elsewhere. To me, no sense in keeping the bad feelings to myself. Maybe your mw is unaware that she is conveying a very judgemental and hurtful attitude?? She can worry about how far apart your contractions are--not how far apart your children are!!! She might be concerned with maybe your iron levels or discomfort nursing thru pg, but I would have expected some positivity from a mw!!! My mw and I don't necessarily have the all the same parenting beliefs...but she would never question >my< child spacing! Sheeesh!

I am so sorry you're having to deal with this.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

[CeraMae]

She never, of course, came out and said "I think big families are awful and I don't know why you are wasting your energy and time having babies. Get cable"

That was so funny. I agree with the other girls--it was totally inappropriate. I had an experience with this pregnancy where the first midwife I met with was SO VERY inappropriate. She forgot I was coming for an appt and was in her bathrobe, made derogetory remarks about her only "problem" births being "first time moms who couldn't handle the pain", etc. Not to impressive when I'm trying to sell the idea to DH. She was a family friend that came highly recommended but I had to give her the BOOT. If your mw has already hurt your feelings that resentment could carry on throughout the whole pregnancy, and make it even more difficult (and painful) to give birth with her there. Follow your heart!

[zebrabelly]

Wow! I am so sorry you had such a negative experience from someone you trusted! Like a slap in the face, huh? I agree that you should tell her how you feel and then I also agree that you should find a new mw. It would have been one thing to be *concerned* about you and ask you those questions - midwvies (or mine anyway) can double as excellent therapists - but negativity has no place in pregnancy or birth.

(((hugs)))

[Wooby]

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I would follow your heart and find another midwife. It is true that you do not need any negative/hurt feelings between you and the person who will attend your birth. Why not find someone else who is more supportive.

BTW, how funny for a MW to insinuate that having more babes is bad? My MW's have 5 and 9 kiddos respectively!

Wishing you a fulfilling empowering birth surrounded by loving hands!

[miriam]

WEll, CONGRATULATIONS!,...
and yes, it is inappropriate.

Maybe she was having a bad day.

Most midwives I know like babies and return business.

How Odd!

[Raven]

First of all: Congrats on your pregnancy!

I also think that your midwife was out of line - and personally, I think she was unprofessional. It doesnt matter how much of a bad day she could have been having, its not acceptable! Good luck finding a new midwife...

BTW, when are you due?

[2much2luv]

We are due in January. Thanks for all your congratulations. I haven't talked to her yet since this happened. I don't know it if I'll call her or wait for her to call me. It was just a negative encounter and I don't want to talk to her or see her in awhile.
I will let her know eventually what she did.

[CeraMae]

I just realized you're from CO and I'm wondering what part (if you don't mind). I'm in N CO and the mw that was rude to me was in Berthoud~ I ended up finding a WONDERFUL gal up here in Ft. Collins . . . pm me if you want

[mnnice]

I am sorry you mw was so rude and unsupportive. Is she still of childbearing age? Do you think it might be jealousy not disapproval? I find myself thinking some judgemental thoughts sometimes about the child spacing of people I know. I sometimes wonder if that is because I want another, but my fertility and my emotional readiness are not there yet. I tend to think other people are rushing it just because 24 months of spacing would be too small for me. Just a thought

[lilyka]

Ok I didn't here the call so I can't know what her tone was and that has so much to do with interprtation BUT just to try and see things form her side. . .

Maybe it was real concern. She may have just been going throug her mind any complication from closely spaced children, tandem nursing and whay special care you might need. Nutrition, rest etc. . . .Perhaps it just seemed rude because iut wasn't the response you were expecting.

Buyt then agian maybe she was just being rude and judgemental. I say talk to her so you can know for sure how she felt. And then decide if you want to continue on. Even if you have already decided that she just didn't handle it well period till talk to her and let her know how you felt. You owe it to the next womanwho calls. maybe she will learn something valuble here.