Please help me feel better about our decision

[rainy32]

Hi mamas. How to make this short? I need a hug!

dh and I moved cross-country last year so I could take a job I would enjoy more than the one I had, and so we could live in a more affordable part of the country, closer to family. he left a very good, union, full-time job that he enjoyed but didn't love. in the previous jobs/state, we had about $900 - 1000 cushion every month

my new job pays the same as our old one, but health insurance costs more here, so I see 250 less a month in our checks. And, we have higher childcare costs (it went from $70 a week to $120-150). All of our fixed expenses (debt, car, etc) are the same.

And, dh, though fully employed, makes half what he used to.

bye-bye cushion. hello paycheck-to-paycheck. i'm terrified.

yesterday dh had a choice between two jobs: going back to the one he's had since moving here (he is a seasonal employee and laid off Dec-March), which he really really hated, and which had rather insane working hours (he'd often be gone 12 -13 hours a day), but which pays overtime for anything over 40 hours a week ... or taking a new job, which pays the same hourly rate, but which is capped at 40 hours a week (its a position with a nonprofit, they can't pay him more), and also which he would LOVE, and would allow him more time with us.

he chose the latter - time with us and job enjoyment. which I respect. but I also keep thinking -- that extra 200-300 a month would have really helped, and I don't know how we're going to live on our income without it. (But, is 200 -300 a month worth taking a job you know you'll hate?)

I don't know what to ask, we live frugally as it is. I'm just scared - it was so nice to have 2 or 3 years of a cushion and savings (we used the savings to buy our house) and now we're back to literally being paycheck to paycheck. my job covers our bills, his job covers childcare, groceries, and "fun money" (at a rate of 25. a week total).

I'd love advice, hugs, stories of inspiration.

[frog]

Do what you love and the rest will follow.

turtle and I made the decision last year that she would stop looking for a job and commit to being home full time while we prepare to become parents (we're going to foster and likely adopt at some point). Less than a year after that decision, we found a beautiful house with twice the space (which we needed) for only a little more money. We went for it, even though it was going to stretch us very, very thin.

Not long after our offer was accepted, I was contacted about doing some freelance editing, which has turned into a standing gig with a minimum monthly take-home of around $700--more than enough to help us with the new mortgage costs.

It's going to be fine! Trust, keep being frugal and something will come.

[mamamoo]

I agree do what you love. I know it's tough. We've been living paycheck to paycheck for 10 years now(still haven't found the right path), also check the pay down your debt thread...that could help maybe?

[AprilDaisy]

One thing I've learned from my husband, if you don't like the job, it's not going to last. Eventually, it's going to break you.

I realize that the cushion isn't there like it used to be; however, that doesn't mean you have to think you're in "lack". You simply have to think of yourself as "able to pay your bills", "you both now have a solid, steady income", "you don't have to worry he'd get laid off", "you now have more family time, etc.

There are many positives to all of this. So, while it's tight... That doesn't mean it's always going to be that way.

[rainy32]

ds just asked why mama was crying, and I told him its because of the support I'd just gotten from you.

only at mdc would so many understand our impulse to put happiness and family first. thank you.

i truly do believe that the universe will provide us with our needs. it always has. i have faith in that - and that it is especially true if we live in line with our values. i want to post more about how dh's previous job isn't in line with his values, but ds needs me right now.

i also want to respond to the idea of seeing these things positively - having an attitude adjustment .. I'll be back in the afternoon to chat a bit more.

thank you for the support (my parents think we're crazy - but they are motivated by fear).

[annethcz]

IMO, being miserable isn't worth $200-300 a month- NO WAY!

I know it can be scary not to have a cushion, and to be living paycheck to paycheck. But many people do it, and still manage to live happy, fulfilled, contented lives. While it might not be optimal, it really is okay.

[lmonter]

Originally Posted by frog

Do what you love and the rest will follow.

It's going to be fine! Trust, keep being frugal and something will come.

It was quite a financial change for us going from both our incomes to just dh's after I quit my job to be a sahm - and we'd bought a house just a few months before. I was miserable working, and was sick all the time and had to leave work a ton because my little guy was sick. But we figured it would work out some how, it had to. And it did.

Dh keeps getting raises, his bosses ask him to do a little extra (computer) work on the side, we're suprised with one random bonus a year plus the year-end bonus, etc. Dh loves his job (well, most of the time) and I love mine (well, most of the time). And now that I've been a sahm/homemaker, I don't want to re-enter the work force because I enjoy doing this so much - plus my grandmothers were both homemakers, so it's also familiar to me.

[rainy32]

..of course I just went to the dentist (first time in way too long) and found out I need some really expensive treatment that insurance will only probably partly cover .... we'll have to put it on the credit card, I'm sure.

which brings me to mamaoo's question about debt: we have zero credit card debt, but that's because 3 years ago I consolidated it into one jumbo loan at a great rate (5%) - we are paying on it agressively and will be 100% commercial debt free (car included) by the end of 2009. that will give us an extra 600 (!) a month.

I have extreme student loan debt, one portion of it will be paid off in 9 more years, giving us an addition 170. a month (but 9 long years away! -- I know, when we have extra, I'll send towards that debt, its high interest rate, too, so it won't be 9 years, probably 5). The other student loan is at a low low low interest rate, and will be paid off in 24 years

I also will get routine raises, every september. I'll know in 2 months how much my raise will be, but it will likely be 150 - 200 dollars a month, which will really help us. And, when I get tenure in 4 years, I'll jump in income, too. And, when Wyatt starts school, in 2 1/2 years, we won't have any child care costs, because my work is so flexible that I"ll just work when he's in school and be home the rest of the time.

So, long term, it really doesn't look bad at all. If we can make it through 10 - 20 tighter months, we'll be back to where we were last year at this time.

I'm just a) scared ... b) bummed that we can't use any "extra" we have now to put away from ds's college, dh's retirement (he doesnt' get retirment with this job, but has some savings from his previous position, and I have a great retirement program), or fun family vacations ... and c) worried about additional, unexpected expenses (like the dentist bill).

I'm trying to stay positive - dh is SO happy about startign work in 2 weeks -- and I look forward to a summer where we actually see each other.

[All Boys For Me]

I know it is scary to go from comfortable to check to check. After we had DS1, I was working full-time for the Legal department of a bank, DH had finished school and while he has a job he loves, I was the main breadwinner. Well, 4 years ago, I found out we were expecting DS2 ( after 11 years of trying!), and one month later, my job was realigned out of state. We went from living large to wondering how in the world we would survive! 18 months after DS2, DS3 - our 5 months pg before I knew I was pg surprise arrived! I didn't think we would make it. Well, we live frugally, are working on paying down debt as we can, and I am working a paper route in the morning (3am-630am) to help make ends meet. The good news - DH still has a job he loves, which makes him happy and fun to be around; I am home all day with the kids, homeschooling the 14 yo and workign crowd control with the other 2, and now that we are expecting #4, I know it will be just fine! We won't be sending them all to fancy summer camps, adn they will work their way through school if they choose to go to college, but hey, that's ok.

Enjoy your time together, plan for what you can, trust for what you can't plan for, and be happy there is a light at the end of the tunnel!!

[rainy32]

AllBoys, its funny that you mention the paper route, I'm considering doing it this summer when I am off work, I think I could make up the cushion doing it, and dh said he'd take the weekend shift!