What would you think?

[JkFelix]

I wasn't sure where to post this, so I figured here was as good a place as any! I am part of a local mothers group who chats on a yahoo message board. Some of the moms wanted to get together and start a AP play group. I have a large age gap with my kids...10 year old DS, 9 year old DD and 16 month old DD. The AP group was for the little ones and the suggested play date was while my older two are on school break. I RSVP's saying I hope they don't mind my older two coming along and how much they would love playing with all the babies. Well, the "leader" emailed me and said she hopes I "understand" but the AP group is for the five and under crowd. : Hello...I am still an AP parent to with my older two! Is that weird or am I just too sensitive?

Thanks, I had to get that out of my system! Needless to say, I am VERY reluctant to go back and be a part of the whole group if this is how snooty some members can be. Any advice on this would be awesome!

[Cruella_DeVille]

I have quite an age gap between my kids too ... my two oldest are 17 & 12 and my two youngest are 2.5 and under a year. While I understand that it's a playgroup designed for the little ones, I probably wouldn't go if my other children weren't welcomed.

I've found that my little ones and their friends love hanging out and playing with my older kids and the older kids do enjoy their time with the little ones (yes, even the 17 yr old, he's great with little kids) - I think it works well all around but then again, I've never attended playgroups so I don't really know what it's all really about.

[Emma's_Mommy]

i would e-mail her back and say something like this....

"i don't think i came across clearly in my last e-mail, my older kids are on school break this week and i would have to bring them along because i would have no one else to watch them.. I would hope the group would welcome my older kids for this special occasion as they are also products of AP parenting"

[nolonger]

I think Emma's Mommy had some good advice there. I would consider looking for a different playgroup if this was not a misunderstanding, even if you will not have difficulty finding a safde place for your older kids to be in the future.

My kids are closely spaced (unless I get very lucky and am able to have one more before menopause, lol) so they have always benefitted from having a wide age range of friends' siblings in their lives. We had a wonderful fourteen year old girl attending La Leche League playgroups on a fairly regular basis, and then when ds was fourteen himself, he was appreciated, loved, and admired by the younger set at our local homeschooling group, which also included baby, toddler, and preschool aged siblings.

I do not think that you were being "too sensitive" in a negative way, but perhaps you were being sensitive to a potential problem with this group before it became too serious.

[pranamama]

those silly other moms are going to be missing out on your dd and/or ds being known and good sitters a few years down the road.

I would be careful, not offended but careful not to be somewhere that is not considerate of your entire family.

[WiccanMama]

Weird.. I would find another group. Children are children no matter what.. what does she think they will do. Could you start your own group?
Thats just retarded, AP groups should be for all ages. I would find another one or start my own.

Namasté,
Meg :

[JkFelix]

Thanks ladies! I don't think I will be joining any of the mothers from that play group. It just doesn't seem worth it!

[oliversmum2000]

i love having older children around, there is nothing my children love more than the attention of an older child and there is nothing that difuses a group of small children squabbling than the attention of an older child.

i would welcome your children with open arms, sorry that they have been made to feel unwelcome.

[orangefoot]

Sometimes I think that people who are 'new' to AP think that it is only about parenting under 5s because they are thinking about the Attachment part in a very literal way. Maybe that's where they are coming from.

I have slipped away from some local toddler groups here because although I want to meet new people I find that I am getting less and less comfortable with mainstreamers and am sort of weary of evangelical babywearers/breastfeeders/cosleepers who think I am on my first child and try to 'convert' me when I feel that AP is just a normal way of life for us even with older children. Sorry, I'm a miserable so and so at 9.30 in the morning and that kind f thing rubs me up the wrong way

ITA with the other pps that older siblings are a great advert for the benefits of AP in the long term. My boys (13 and 10) are always very good with little people and other parents comment on how lovely they are in many ways.

When I think too hard about this stuff I also think that some mums like to think they are groundbreaking in some way and hanging out with other people who have BTDT isn't what they want.

[antannie]

Are you sure this is the opinion of all the mums or only the "leader" ? I think as you are part of a group as you said that you as a member should at least have the opportunity of finding this out. Is this a formal LED group with designated leaders?
or an informal group. I feel sad to think that the comments of one would leavea committed family out.

And perhaps the playgroup focus is under 5 but why would that exclude older kids. I am sure they would not be attending with th assumption that the "leader" would be planning and setting up activities for their age group separately.