EC drop-out in need of HELP!

[alegna]

Sigh- I KNEW I should have really stuck with EC for dd. Arg. So, we did EC very loosely when dd was an older infant. By around 10 months she would often pee in the toilet on cue. (never caught a poo though) So I decided to start trying to potty "train" (learn, teach, whatever) around 14-16 months. No go. Around this age she decided she didn't like the potty and would often refuse to sit on it. Around 18mo-24mo she was scared of the potty for a bit and wouldn't sit on it at ALL. Got some little potties (before we'd used the big one with a seat) Fast forward to now. 30 months. She will NOT use the potty. Haven't had a pee in a potty in at least a year. Not one. She can hold it forever. She is very attached to diapers. I did just what I didn't want to do- I taught her that diapers are where you go potty.... :

Thank you if you've read this long!

So- any grand advice? I could list all the things we've tried (and failed at...) but that would make an excessively long post even longer

-Angela

[alegna]

Anyone?

-Angela

[SwissMama]

oh! go read my post down below - same problem, only I'm at the stage where you were a year ago. I wish I could help, but really at this point, i can only learn from you.

There has been one thing that has helped my daughter at this age, one is the "once upon a potty" book. She LOVES that book. (I'm not sure about how other EC'ers see it, maybe its not conducive to the process, but it works for us). Theres a part where the little girl sits on the potty and for the past few months she has been able to slowly make a connection between what is going on in the book and with herself. At 18-20 months there was a stage where she would cry if i brought out the potty (yet never wanted her diapers on either!) and the book got her excited about it again.

Other than that - what kind of diapers are you using? Maybe there's something that can make the diaper more uncomfortable? We also go to the bathroom in her presence and casually talk about how relieving and clean it is. And then do the "bye bye pee pee" thing, which she loves.

I wish i had better advice for you, but I really have no idea about toilet learning after they are "diaper trained". Try not to beat yourself up over it, we all just try to do our best.

[tbone]

Have you tried any potty learning videos? We would read The Potty Book for Boys and our cable service has on demand videos. One month there was a video about a boy learning to use the potty. My ds and I would watch it together and cheer the boy in the video on, ds got really into it and I think it made the toilet less scary to him.

[alegna]

Originally Posted by SwissMama

Other than that - what kind of diapers are you using? Maybe there's something that can make the diaper more uncomfortable? We also go to the bathroom in her presence and casually talk about how relieving and clean it is. And then do the "bye bye pee pee" thing, which she loves.

I wish i had better advice for you, but I really have no idea about toilet learning after they are "diaper trained". Try not to beat yourself up over it, we all just try to do our best.

We use cloth diapers. AIOs. I have considered taking the inserts out so they "don't work" but.... (well because....) she gets hysterical if she makes a mess. Had a pocket diaper (her overnight diapers, work fine at night, not so well if she's moving around) leak on her a couple of times and she was quite distraught about the mess. (even though we totally played it down, showed her how easy it was to clean up etc)

Thanks for the post! Maybe someone will be along with great advice for us.

-Angela

[alegna]

Originally Posted by tbone

Have you tried any potty learning videos? We would read The Potty Book for Boys and our cable service has on demand videos. One month there was a video about a boy learning to use the potty. My ds and I would watch it together and cheer the boy in the video on, ds got really into it and I think it made the toilet less scary to him.

Great idea, but we've got books, we've got videos.... she likes them. She'll talk about them. But SHE doesn't want to do it.

sigh.

-Angela

[Margarita26]

Hi

i dont have any direct experience with your problem. but what about if you let her pee somewhere besides a potty, like outside (if its warm enough) or even in the sink, tub, shower etc.

maybe just getting her to pee outside of the diaper would be the first step before moving to the potty?

might be a totally stupid idea but thought id suggest it anyway...

[alegna]

Originally Posted by Margarita26

Hi

i dont have any direct experience with your problem. but what about if you let her pee somewhere besides a potty, like outside (if its warm enough) or even in the sink, tub, shower etc.

maybe just getting her to pee outside of the diaper would be the first step before moving to the potty?

might be a totally stupid idea but thought id suggest it anyway...

That's a really great idea.... I don't know how to do it. She holds it. She WON'T pee anywhere but the diaper. Months ago she let a couple of drops go while naked and FREAKED OUT! Sigh. Problem is that the kid can hold it FOREVER.

-Angela

[cmg]

No experience either, but what about letting her run around/sit on the potty nakey backside so she gets use to the feeling? Then put a diaper on the potty so she can sit on (but not in) something familiar?

[alegna]

Originally Posted by cmg

No experience either, but what about letting her run around/sit on the potty nakey backside so she gets use to the feeling? Then put a diaper on the potty so she can sit on (but not in) something familiar?

We've tried that. It's gotten so bad now that she FREAKS OUT about being nakey most of the time. Insists on a diaper. Won't get off the bed (where we change her) without it.

I tried the lay the diaper on the potty thing the other night- no go.

thanks for the ideas though!

Surely there's SOMETHING I haven't tried yet

-Angela

[jerawo]

I would just give it a rest for now, then try again in 1-2 months. If that doesn't work, then stop for 1-2 more months and reintroduce the idea.

When Savannah is ready, she'll use the potty She isn't going to be in diapers forever. Sure it would be great to have her use the potty soon (and before the new baby arrives), but it just may not work out that way. It really sounds like you've tried everything, so I think your only remaining option is to let her lead.

[cmg]

Does she get regular baths? Does she freak out about being naked then? If not, can you just delay putting clothes on a little longer/stretch the comfort limit?

Grasping at straws here...

[alegna]

Originally Posted by jerawo

I would just give it a rest for now, then try again in 1-2 months. If that doesn't work, then stop for 1-2 more months and reintroduce the idea.

We've done that time and again. In one way or another it needs to happen soon. We're all at our breaking point and her phobias about it are getting worse, not better.

Sigh.

-Angela

[alegna]

Originally Posted by cmg

Does she get regular baths? Does she freak out about being naked then? If not, can you just delay putting clothes on a little longer/stretch the comfort limit?

Grasping at straws here...

That's a really good idea- and it worked 6 months ago (see above post- things are getting WORSE, not better with time) Now she won't get up off the bed from being dried off (routine with daddy) until she has a diaper.

The problem is that the more times we go through this cycle (and yes, we've totally dropped it for months at a time) the worse it gets. Each new time she is MORE scared and MORE resistant to the potty.

We need to break the cycle somehow.

keep the ideas coming! I really do appreciate them (even though I keep shooting them all down )

-Angela

[bluets]

have you tried using training pants or underwear? make a big deal about getting some undies?

our daycare organized a potty-training workshop a few months ago and the instructor said to commit fully to using the potty once you decide to make the switch - daytime AND nighttime (with us still nighttime nursing, i am still trying to figure THAT one out)... that is, switch to underwear or training pants, have a potty in a designated spot or in several locations through the house... and at night-time, no diapers.

at daycare, they plan on first putting undies/training pants on top of diapers for a bit. they also do diaper changes standing up in the bothroom and offering the kids the chance to use the potty.

[alegna]

Originally Posted by bluets

have you tried using training pants or underwear? make a big deal about getting some undies?

our daycare organized a potty-training workshop a few months ago and the instructor said to commit fully to using the potty once you decide to make the switch - daytime AND nighttime (with us still nighttime nursing, i am still trying to figure THAT one out)... that is, switch to underwear or training pants, have a potty in a designated spot or in several locations through the house... and at night-time, no diapers.

at daycare, they plan on first putting undies/training pants on top of diapers for a bit. they also do diaper changes standing up in the bothroom and offering the kids the chance to use the potty.

We've tried. We have undies with every cool thing in the world on them and a few training pants. She won't have anything to do with them.

-Angela

[tbone]

Your situation is really tough! Does your child have any older cousins or friends that can maybe show her how they use the potty and hype it up like 'it's so cool and fun'?

[carolynrosa]

What about just getting rid of the diapers? You said she won't get off the bed without one... but she wouldn't stay in bed forever, would she? Just tell her the diapers are gone and that she can wear undies, training pants, or go naked. She won't like it (you mentioned she hates getting messy), but if you just calmly clean up her messes and comfort her and gently remind her that she can use the potty anytime she wants... I imagine that after a few messy days she'll opt for the potty.
I'm not saying to be mean or anything. Give her lots of comfort and no reprimand for messes... just don't put diapers on her anymore. She's got to decide fer herself to use the potty, but she might not do that for a long time as long as she has the diapers and prefers those.

Otherwise, if you don't mind using the diapers, just leave it alone. She'll use the potty eventually... but it might not be for a long time if she really likes those diapers.

Good luck.

[cmg]

Yikes, diaper as security blanket. Can you, um, bribe her? Reward her for getting off the bed, then back on again for her diaper, then the next time have her walk around the room etc.?

[alegna]

Originally Posted by tbone

Your situation is really tough! Does your child have any older cousins or friends that can maybe show her how they use the potty and hype it up like 'it's so cool and fun'?

We've tried selling the other cool kids use the potty angle. Haven't had a chance to do it in person and it would be difficult.... good idea though if we could swing it.

-Angela