EC drop-out in need of HELP! - Page 5

[rzberrymom]

This may have been mentioned and I missed it, but perhaps she can sense the pressure on her. I definitely sense it just reading through these posts, and it sounds to me like she's picking up on it as well. Even though you say you have given it a few months break in the past, it sounds like she could benefit from backing off a bit and relieving some of the pressure on her. As Dr. Sears says, "the problem may be deeper than the diaper."

[alegna]

Originally Posted by rzberrymom

This may have been mentioned and I missed it, but perhaps she can sense the pressure on her. I definitely sense it just reading through these posts, and it sounds to me like she's picking up on it as well. Even though you say you have given it a few months break in the past, it sounds like she could benefit from backing off a bit and relieving some of the pressure on her. As Dr. Sears says, "the problem may be deeper than the diaper."

Been there done that. We're not going to drop it all together again. I'm due in August and I want her to be comfortable with the potty by then.

-Angela

[rzberrymom]

Originally Posted by alegna

Been there done that. We're not going to drop it all together again. I'm due in August and I want her to be comfortable with the potty by then.

-Angela

I completely understand that you absolutely need this to happen. But have you thought about how you may be actually causing this, by having this urgent need? Not to mention how this pressure may affect her in the long-term?

[alegna]

Thanks, but as I've hashed out, we've backed off numerous times and it makes things worse in the long run.

-Angela

[Hemiola]

I'm not trying to push, and I won't suggest this again (I promise!), but I really do encourage you to give EFT a try. It is totally gentle, free, and you have nothing to lose. It wouldn't surprise me at all if EFT is able to resolve this for both of you in a few days. I would be happy to answer any questions you may have. The links are in my other reply (pg. 3).

Good luck!

Laura

[mamaverdi]

It is possible to completely take away the pressure without backing off from the goal.

[lunacyn]

I haven't yet read ALL the replies...but my thought is that AIOs and pocket diapers give her a stay-dry feeling like sposies would. How about getting some cotton doublers or newborn-size prefolds, trifolded, and putting ON TOP of the microfleece? That way she will at least feel the wetness.

She can hold her pee for 18 hours?! Yikes! I physically could not pee for a long time while I was in labor with DS (big baby, big head), and it was the most uncomfortable thing about my labor! I don't recommend doing anything that would encourage her to hold it too long!

[alegna]

Originally Posted by lunacyn

She can hold her pee for 18 hours?! Yikes! I physically could not pee for a long time while I was in labor with DS (big baby, big head), and it was the most uncomfortable thing about my labor! I don't recommend doing anything that would encourage her to hold it too long!

yeah. Some of it is just her though. Today she was in a diaper and still didn't pee for somewhere in the neighborhood of 17-18 hours.... The kid's just got a bladder the size of Texas... gets it from her mama.

-Angela

[poetesss]

haven't read all the replies, but give EFT a try... it's fantastc with emotional issues. You would do the tapping on yourself while holding her:

http://www.emofree.com

[celestialdreamer]

I just wanted to tell you I can really relate. My dd was going on the potty (both pee and poop) at ages 12-18 months many times a day but then I backed off because she started showing a little resistance and I was super tired from being pregnant with baby #2. A few months later, around her 2nd birthday we tried again and she was even able to go a whole week with only a few accidents. Then she decided she wanted to diapers again, and *only* the sposie pullups I had bought for her to wear at night. She had only worn cloth before that point. I gave up this second attempt to potty train because we had a newborn and it just was seeming too forced. Since then its been almost a YEAR and she's still resisting going on the potty. She had grown to really like her sposie pullups! They became her routine. If I gave her panties to wear instead she would just pee in them and ask for new ones.

Anyway, recently I felt like we were in a good place to really commit to helping her feel comfortable on the potty again. She is almost 3 and really prefers to be clean (actually she has severe sensory issues and can't stand to be dirty) so I've been trying to explain that going on the potty is cleaner than wearing a diaper. Also, she is *extremely resistant to change (probably for different reasons than your dd) so are trying to work with what she will do. I took away her sposie pullups and told her they were all gone and she could either pee in the potty or wear a cloth diaper. She got mad for a little bit but finally chose to wear the diaper to pee in. I've got a doll on the way from Ebay that is one of those ones that "pees". As much as I hate bringing a plastic doll into my house, I think the idea of having the resistant toddler teach their doll to go on the potty just might work. Maybe that might be something you could try? Honestly, I'm willing to try anything at this point, since I also know that if I had been consistant she would have been going on the potty well over a year ago! I think consistency in the changes made are what sound like they will help both of us. Good luck!

[studentmama]

I had a couple of thoughts, what if you put the little potty in the bathroom and every time you go, bring her in the bathroom and sit her on the little potty, and if she is totally against doing it without a diaper, leave the diaper on and see if she will sit on it.

Also, what kind of diapers are you using? Depending on the fabric, what if you used ones that she is gonna feel it(like cotten, not the microfleece or suede). That was a big incentive for ds, I switched him back to prefolds and covers for a minute(he hates, hates, hates bulky diapers), and that pretty much ended any inclination to wear diapers.

[eirual]

I haven't been around for a while, didn't realize you were expecting- congrats!

Is your milk still around? are you still nursing? With DS when I know he has to go but is reluctant, I just pop out a boob and he relaxes onto the toilet (with insert) and pees. Can you nurse her on the potty/toilet?

There's lots that's involved with EC that hasn't been brought up yet. What about cuing when she pees? For that, a prefold, no cover would be best. Or even underwear with an insert. I'm with the previous poster who suggested laying an insert on the fleece of the pocket or AIO- let her feel when she's is going. What about signing "toilet" everytime you go or everytime you notice she is peeing. Does she come to the bathroom with you? do you have an open door policy with the bathroom?

It baffels me that she's THAT attached to diapers. I'd say just do away with them and commit to some nakey-bum time, but seriously, you don't want to traumatize the girl!

What about a whole lot of modelling? Can you go pantless during the day with her? I also agree about letting her take control, but if she's consistently choosing dipes, then I'm at a loss.

P.S. is she typically a tantrum-thrower?? If so, how is that usually handled when it relates to other things? is her freaking out about needing diapers just a tantrum? can you get away with a firm "the diapers are going away, I'm sorry that makes you sad, but we're all done with them"...of course, in that case you'd have to mean what you say.

[alegna]

Originally Posted by eirual

I haven't been around for a while, didn't realize you were expecting- congrats!

Is your milk still around? are you still nursing? With DS when I know he has to go but is reluctant, I just pop out a boob and he relaxes onto the toilet (with insert) and pees. Can you nurse her on the potty/toilet?

That's an interesting idea, but she hasn't peed while nursing in years. Really. The kid is picky. I might try it and see if she'll go for it, but I doubt it would work.

Originally Posted by eirual

There's lots that's involved with EC that hasn't been brought up yet. What about cuing when she pees? For that, a prefold, no cover would be best. Or even underwear with an insert. I'm with the previous poster who suggested laying an insert on the fleece of the pocket or AIO- let her feel when she's is going. What about signing "toilet" everytime you go or everytime you notice she is peeing. Does she come to the bathroom with you? do you have an open door policy with the bathroom?

Total open door on the bathroom. For both me and dh. (and dh has been peeing sitting a lot too to model) We talk about it a lot and sometimes I can catch when she's doing it. She just has such a super bladder I have fewer chances. It's not unusual these days for her to only pee 3-5 times in the whole day.

Originally Posted by eirual

It baffels me that she's THAT attached to diapers. I'd say just do away with them and commit to some nakey-bum time, but seriously, you don't want to traumatize the girl!

No kidding. It is odd.

Originally Posted by eirual

What about a whole lot of modelling? Can you go pantless during the day with her? I also agree about letting her take control, but if she's consistently choosing dipes, then I'm at a loss.

P.S. is she typically a tantrum-thrower?? If so, how is that usually handled when it relates to other things? is her freaking out about needing diapers just a tantrum? can you get away with a firm "the diapers are going away, I'm sorry that makes you sad, but we're all done with them"...of course, in that case you'd have to mean what you say.

We're talking about it a lot these days and trying to encourage any potty-sitting we can.

Her tantrums are odd - non-standard I would say. It's rarely "I want ___ waaaa, give it to me" It's more she disolves and doesn't know what she wants but can't pull it together. Firm doesn't work at all. Not at all. Often makes it much worse. Compassion and patience seem to work the best.

thanks for the ideas!

-Angela

[eirual]

So, I've been thinking about this, and my thoughts are that you should stop every ounce of pressure relating to the potty. Don't talk about it, don't push it, don't read books about, don't make it to be anything special or anything that she should get any rewards or special attention for. Once she's had a few day s or weeks of not having anything to do with that toilet, THEN start offering her very non-chalantly "would you like ot pee in the toilet?" and accept her answer. Leave potties around the house, for her to check out when you're not looking.

That's my theory.

I get the feeling that she's had a lot of the message "you need to use the potty now!!!" and is feeling pottied out and resentful- bad vibes from the potty. Clear those away and play on a child's natural desires to do what everybody else does. Sneak diapers off whenever you can (not excessively) and let her know that potties are there for when she's ready.

[alegna]

Originally Posted by eirual

So, I've been thinking about this, and my thoughts are that you should stop every ounce of pressure relating to the potty. Don't talk about it, don't push it, don't read books about, don't make it to be anything special or anything that she should get any rewards or special attention for. Once she's had a few day s or weeks of not having anything to do with that toilet, THEN start offering her very non-chalantly "would you like ot pee in the toilet?" and accept her answer. Leave potties around the house, for her to check out when you're not looking.

That's my theory.

Good theory. Been there done that at least 4 times

-Angela

[nancy926]

Originally Posted by alegna

Good theory. Been there done that at least 4 times

-Angela

So..here's my thought, FWIW. Drop the pressure and DON'T MENTION IT AGAIN. EVER.

It sounds like you've tried to get her to use the potty, then stopped. Then tried, then stopped. Then tried, then stopped. Maybe the cycles of potty-focus-and-then-back-off are taking their toll. How about just stop, and don't try again? Leave it totally up to her. She knows what the potty is for, and she sounds like an intelligent kid. So she'll do it when she's ready.

I understand that she is stubborn. She may not potty-learn until she is 4, but she will learn one day. (This coming from a stubborn person who was not fully out of diapers until she was nearly 5!)

Yes, she may have been "ready" at 18 months, but supposedly lots of kids are ready at that age. And anyway, that window is closed. (I have a 19-month-old who has zero interest in the potty, but I know plenty of other moms that have said their kids were ready then.)

I am not sure why you "need" her to be out of dipes before the baby comes. I understand that it can be tough having 2 in diapers (BTDT). However, even if she does potty-learn before you give birth, she may regress once the baby is born (also BTDT) and have accidents or want diapers again.

But I think putting all of this energy into potty learning is just causing friction and resistance and stress (at least that's how it sounds from your messages).

[alegna]

Originally Posted by nancy926

So..here's my thought, FWIW. Drop the pressure and DON'T MENTION IT AGAIN. EVER.

Nope. Not going to do that at this point.

thanks for the thoughts though.

-Angela

[cmg]

Would she respond to something like making a potty journal/expressing her thoughts w/pictures/sculptures? Maybe take a bunch of pictures of you and her going through the various potty steps (as much as possible) plus her taking off her diapers, etc, then have her use the pictures to tell what she doesn't like about the process? I believe someone suggested making a book earlier. I'm just thinking that if she's having a hard time expressing verbally how she feels about transitioning away from diapers, maybe she can do it non-verbally? Sort of a ritual burning of the diapers through pictures? From what you've said, "forcing" the issue in some way (or just ignoring it) is just going to lead to other problems, but the standard potty-modeling isn't working either .

Is she drinking enough? I suppose it's a bit hard to tell if her urine's clear if she won't pee in the potty but when she does pee is the volume, um, sufficiently large?

[alegna]

Originally Posted by cmg

Is she drinking enough? I suppose it's a bit hard to tell if her urine's clear if she won't pee in the potty but when she does pee is the volume, um, sufficiently large?

Oh yeah. She drinks tons and when she goes- WATCH OUT!

Maybe I'll do a book. It's a fun activity whether or not it works

-Angela

[rmzbm]

I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, I seem to recall replying to this earlier though - anyhow, I FIRMLY believe kids learn best through teaching. (As in the kid teaches someone else.) Does Savannah have a doll that you can tell her needs to learn to use the potty? Something like - "(Doll's name) doesn't know how to use the potty. Can you tell her how?...Tell her to sit right here...can you hop up and show her?"
Just a thought, works well here!
Good luck!