6 year old with the mental age and (it seems emotional age) of a 10 year old

[oliversmum2000]

i have recently that my ds has the reading age and mathmatic ability of a 10 year old, and i have always found him to be very mature and emotionally in touch with others.

from his general behaviour of late i am starting to realise that he is generally very similar to a 10 year old - but wth - he is only 6 - i am at a loss

i am not ready to have a 10 year old, which is basically what i have. he is incredibly oppositional, and i have no idea what to do. do i treat him like a 6 year old or a 10 year old and what is acceptable for a 10 year old anyway

HELP!!

[BathrobeGoddess]

I am wondering what you think is "acting like a 10 year old" is to you?
Opposition doesn't necessarily equal preteen IMO...that is much more temperament based.

[oliversmum2000]

thank you

this is just what i was wondering, and curious about in terms of possible explanations for his difficulties, and was wondering if any of his behaviour was more common in an older child or not

[Arduinna]

Reading and math ability do not equate to emotional maturity. Although if he is bored at school he may be doing things to relieve the boredom that might appear to be "acting out".

[teachma]

I replied to you at your other thread, as well. But I wanted to chime in here and say that my 6 year old has always been extremely oppositional. Literally, since early toddlerhood. It wasn't until my daughter came along that I felt like a successful parent for even one day because her personality is so different. So, I am another one who is also inclined to believe that type of personality is more of who your child is at this time, rather than his age. I do agree that it could be an indication of problems at school or elsewhere, so I would stay attuned to that.

[smillerhouse]

I have a profoundly gifted young person who is now 16. It is like this, in my experience. However, I have found that there are a lot of out of sync. stuff. Like currently, in some repsects he is about 20 but in other ways is 16 or even younger. It is not easy. I have found this is NOT very common. Reading gifted sties have helped me. However, for me I have found it important to honor his emtional needs. So like at age 16, I need to listen to where he is at. The other thing that has helped is finding inter generational activities where he can relate to much older kids/adults becasue that is where he is/has been at. It IS confusing and confounding at times, in my experience. It takes loads of energy.Mostly, I would listen and try to draw on his needs to be independent,assert onself,look at his needs and respond accordingly. There are rough transitonal times. My son is there currently. He is intellectually college age but does not want to take classes at a college until he is chroncilogically the age that most students are . I homeschool and extremly accelerate him-we are doing Macroecnomics, Spanish, and Algebra right now and he is taking an elctronics class online and a video game class online. He fences a few times a week but has far outgrown people of his chronilogical age. Sallie

[mommy68]

I agree with some of the other posters.

Also, just because he is ahead academically right now doesn't mean he will still be ahead in a few years. My oldest DS was always ahead until he got to 4th grade and then he just kind of flowed along with others his age. They get caught up in more things as they get older and it gets a little tougher.

[talk de jour]

I was like that as a kid... my mom used to say I was "7 going on 30" lol.

Umm.. my best advice would be to LISTEN when he talks, even about serious things. Often I felt "shut down" as a kid in "grown-up conversation" just because I was a kid.

[Snork]

Depends what you mean that he's like a ten year old. I have a ten year old right now - well, nearly 11. He's a delight. Mature, funny, sweet, helpful, energetic....

My eldest two were lovely at ten too.

In what way would you treat a 10 year old differently from a 6 year old? For me its simple things: he gets to stay up 15 minutes later than his younger siblings. He eats a little more. He is allowed to walk to the shops for me (5minute walk), and to walk to the school to play. He has a couple more chores to do. He is allowed to carry the baby (he's strong and he's careful).

Other than that - no difference. We all have rules, expectations and responsibilities regardless of age in our house.

[oliversmum2000]

i think i am just trying to figure him out i guess, work out perhaps if he is more mature as well as academically ahead, not that i know how this would make a difference to us, just to try and see if behaviour wise he had more similarities to older children.

[flapjack]

To me, 6 has always been a very very hard age: it's that point where you lose the relative compliance of a young child, who is prepared to give you the power of knowing more because you're older, and instead you move into very hard work of parenting wisely, having to deal with questions, secrecy, introspection and you really need to do the groundwork to keep the closeness and intimacy. This much, I know (my boys are 8 and 6, and ds2 is tottering on this point now.)
Unfortunately, if I had a magic wand my house would be a calmer, quieter place, so no advice to offer.

[adamsfam07]

My ds has always been this way as well, he's now 9yr and has a hard time "fitting in" with other children his age. He's very intelligent and has always been intersted in things that other kids were not for example science and nature instead of sports, he pays attention at school, follows the rules and wants to excel. Sometimes he is very mature for his age, we can have very serious conversations and then other times he just falls apart and cries for no reason at all. : I know some of it is hormonal changes and he's not sure where he belongs. But he's still happy and realizes that he's just a little different than other kids, but in a good way, (his words )

[ahisma]

I found that at six, my DD made some huge developmental leaps, and the dichotomy between what was and what used to be made it seem as if she had grown beyond her years. She is also an advanced learner, and that compounded things. The reality is, that she was a 6 year old. Precosious, and oppositional, and feeling her way out in the world. I would hesitate to assume emotional maturity based on intelligence.

Frankly, as a person who was labled as "gifted" I have a real issue with thos placement tests anyway. I would encourage you to let the child be a child, and not to share the results of the testing with him.

[oliversmum2000]

our ds has no idea that he underwent any assessments, and is very relaxed about learning and enjoys it.

we are very careful about the way we talk to him and the way others talk to him about his abilities, all i want is for him to be happy and ocntent with himself.

btw we are getting along so much better since we started reading harry potter at bedtime - we are both loving it, and he seems to be settling in to bed so much easier, sleeping better, not over tired and even being nicer to his brother!