post #41 of 238
2/25/07 at 7:45pm
but has anyone on the thread ever had a good experience with their adoption? Now don't flame me please, as it is a wholeheartedly honest question. The reason I ask, is that I adopted my son 2.5 years ago (as an infant), and absolutely worry about his wellbeing as he grows up.
I know this is a thread for Adoptee Support, and I did not get a chance to look at the other thread, but has anyone on the thread ever had a good experience with their adoption? Now don't flame me please, as it is a wholeheartedly honest question. The reason I ask, is that I adopted my son 2.5 years ago (as an infant), and absolutely worry about his wellbeing as he grows up.
We are a newer adoptive family, and ours of course is more open (more so than our agency ever wanted it to be). However, sorry to say for my son, his BDad is deceased, his BMom had contact for 3 months and disappeared, and his paternal Grandma has recently shut down contact. I love his Grandma, and hope she some day starts talking to us again, but I think watching him grow may have been a little much for her at the moment. So, I have not pushed that. However, as my son gets older, I do have pics on his wall, letters, and cards to show him, but if there is no contact, there is no contact. I would have no problem with helping him find his BMom, and I know how to get a hold of his Grandma, but how I do worry that he will be bitter toward his birthfamily. I never want this, as this was an incredibly tough decision for his BMom, and I thank her every day. So if you had a chance to tell your parents how you wanted them to treat this situcation, what would you do? Or, have any of you actually experienced something like this?
TT I am sorry that you are so hurt. I do not know, nor would I ever pry into, what happened, and I do hope you find what you need. Alas, you are correct, adoption is a big business. However, it is not just by agencies. We were scammed out of money by 2 supposed BMoms, and our agency (whom missed this) was unforgiving.
Ok.... I want to answer to this based on others reading this thread and wondering why ....
This is part of the deal. It sucks big time and is very shameful- but you are an adult and you knew this was a possiblity when going into it.
We also had a little girl for 10 days earlier last year, when her Mom called us, and threatened to kill herself if she did not get her back. She wanted to borrow money from me for some formula, diapers, clothes, and a car seat as she had no money or job at the time. Yes, I was upset to have to give her back, but it was her Mom. Asking me for money after she wanted her back hurt. I did not give it to her, but I did give her all of those things that I would not need anyway. It was just to make sure that she did not have any undue expenses for at least a month, and that baby had all she needed. However, I dressed her, kissed her, and prayed that she would have a wonderful life. As she loved by so many, it should not be a problem.
I am very sorry this happened for you. I could not imagine the pain you felt.
This is a pain many birthmothers feel when relinquishing their babies.
I had this happen to my cousin and it was very hard for our entire family. The birthmother too continuously made bad choices and it was hard to not think badly of her due to her circumstance. But you are right- it was HER child and many birthmothers have no idea how painful and horrific actually giving away your child will be until it is done and the pain does not subside.
All in all, those losses, plus our son's adoption, totaled around $45,000. We are not rich, and we are still paying on my son's adoption.
Again- this is YOUR choice as an adult to adopt a child. I am sorry that it costs you so much money but this is how the program is set up. I would also like to mention to you- that talk about how much your children "cost you" can be very hurtful to an adopttee.
We are looking into an international one now, and the agencies are not the ones taking most of the money, it's the countries and the facilitators in those countries. The average adoption of a foreign child is $27,000 (some higher and lower).
This is higher than the majority of domestic infant adoptions, and Americans adopt 15,000+ children a year. The US gov't charges major dollars for application fees, visa fees, medical exam fees, etc. So again, yes very very big business. I never did look into the US foster care system.
Again- this is your choice to adopt.
It's not always sunshine enemas for adoptive Moms either....
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