Budgeting/Frugality - is your s/o on board?

[CityChic]

Just wondering if your significant other is on board with your budgeting/frugality.

My DH and I sit down once a month to jointly go over our finances. We know where we stand. We also know that with a baby on the way we need to be as frugal as possible. During these "meetings" DH acts like he's on board.

In reality he isn't. He does things we say we won't do and is less then frugal if he finds something he really "needs". Granted I am talking about small things ($20 or less) but these are the items that really add up at the end of the month.

Thanks for sharing your story, vent and/or any advice you have to get your s/o on board!

[mesmerize138]

Oh yeah, sister. I'm with you here. My DH is SOOOOOOOOOO on board in theory. He loves tossing ideas around for ways to help us save money, etc. But boy oh boy, when it comes to the reality of it ... he couldn't care less. I scrimp and save and never buy anything for myself and he just can't seem to function that way. I just wrote up a serious budget for us and on it there were three "fun" things for him that he really considers necessities ... none for me.

So I wish I had some good advice for you, but I obviously don't.

Good luck. And if you figure anything out, be sure to share your secrets!

[Belleweather]

My husband started out acting like he was on board... he'd say "yes we have to be frugal, let's go out to eat!" or refuse to buy clothes at the thirft store, and constantly be stopping for coffee or sodas and snacks from the gas station rather than eating at home.

He's gotten a TON better lately. We've been using quicken to track where our money goes, and he was able to see that we're going broke some months because of his constant $5 lattes, and $3-4 dollar gas station snacks and how he really can wait the five minutes to drive home and get something here. He's actually been throttling back our eating out too, which is nice.

I think the big change was having the baby and then having everything go to hell over Christmas when we had no money. (We live on big chunks of cash from financial aid, which comes in once every 4 months) It was really scary to him, and I think he worked out that he didn't want to live like that again. We also hd some talks about how frustrated I got that he was sabotging my efforts to keep us in the black that I think really helped us get on the same page.

[KnittingShaker]

We are not in a bad situation financially, but we live a fairly frugal lifestyle.

Thank God my husband has the same mindset. I think it would be very difficult, if not impossible, to stay on track otherwise.

[lmonter]

Mine really is on board. In part because his parents are horrendous with money and we don't want to turn into them, and part because he was the only one who brought major debt into our marriage (I had $900 of a cc, he had $12K on credit cards from when his parents refused to pay his tuition and $22K in student loans). So I think he feels slightly bad/guilty about that.
Granted, we've since bought a car (which'll be paid off a year early this fall!) and a house, but those were definitely joint decisions.

I'm the one who does the budget every month, tweaks it, makes sure we've got everything in there. Then dh and I sit down for a few minutes and discuss it. Then I may do some more tweaking. When he pays certain bills, I just tell him how much to put on 'em and he doesn't question me. And really, he *is* on board. I mean, we've gotten rid of $8K of debt since August alone, and will get rid of even more with an unexpectedly larger than we were expecting tax return.

I think what hammered the whole budget thing down for him (i.e. we make plans for all his income, so every penny is accounted for) was when our oldest was turning 3yo.
Dh wanted to buy me a new-to-us laptop from craigslist, even though my 10yo laptop was still slowly chugging along just fine. I told him we could either buy the laptop and do no party and no presents for our 3yo, or do the party and no laptop. Not both. It seemed to stun him for a few hours, and it seemed to just click.

But. When we do have a little 'extra' money - like the tax return or it's a 3 paycheck month or dh gets a bonus, we do a little something for him or a little something that's fun. Like with his Christmas bonus we went out to dinner at a super-fancy restaurant and went to a movie (the kids were at home with Grandma). We would never go to that restaurant on a regular basis unless dh was pulling down over 3 times what he's currently making.

Part of our tax refund is going towards a chainsaw that dh has been lusting after for close to a year. We heat with wood, so it's not a useless purchase by any means (he goes out woodcutting with a friend). But things like that make him happy. On the flip side, I also put a little extra in our gardening budget for this year from the return so I while I still need to be frugal, I probably won't have to choose between drip irrigation or a compost heap - I'll be able to figure out how to do both.

[skueppers]

Originally Posted by mesmerize138

I scrimp and save and never buy anything for myself and he just can't seem to function that way. I just wrote up a serious budget for us and on it there were three "fun" things for him that he really considers necessities ... none for me.

The way we handle this issue is that we each get an "allowance" every month, to spend on whatever we want. So if I want to buy knitting supplies or little un-planned-for "extras" for the kids, I use my allowance. If he wants to buy DVD's or photography stuff, he uses his allowance. If we want to go out to dinner and it's not in the household budget, one of us may say, "hey, I'll treat -- let's go out to dinner".

This method has the added benefit that we buy presents for each other using our allowance money, so there's never any question of whether a particular present was too extravagant.

Over the years, I've even invested some of my "allowance" money in stocks.

[cappuccinosmom]

I think my dh thinks I'm not on board.

Bascially, he would like to spend *nothing*. Hardly practical, though I understand why.

We did agree on a monthly budget which I'm trying to stick to.

[JanB]

My DH is extremely on board. It just never occurs to him to spend money. It's not even something he has to try for, it's just the way he thinks. Left unchecked, he would still be wearing the same tatty ripped clothes that he bought for himself in high school, I swear to God. He only ever gets DVDs and books from the library, never from a rental place or a bookstore, he doesn't like to shop... about the only thing he splurges on is Pop Tarts for himself, and occasional chain mail supplies for his hobby.

If anything, I am the one who is less on board than he is! But seriously, I think I would a very difficult time running a frugal household if my partner weren't on board with me. I think it would lead to a lot of frustration and resentment.

[CityChic]

Originally Posted by JanB

But seriously, I think I would a very difficult time running a frugal household if my partner weren't on board with me. I think it would lead to a lot of frustration and resentment.

Althtough my DH is not 100% on board it is much better then when we were dating. It was one of my requirements that we talk budget before we got married, so glad we did!

[SugarGlider]

Actually I'm the one who is less on board. I need to work on that.

[midstreammama]

I have to say a big, fat, NO! Dh prefers to stay in the dark about our finances. He'll come in and casually exclaim that he needs $50 or so for this or that...eh, i dunno. I wish I could be in the dark about our finances. I want to be clueless and not have to worry about bills and stuff.