To make a long story short, DH is way more mainstream than I am.
I began researching pregnancy, birth and parenting more than a year ago when we began discussing ttc. Now that I a 8 months (almost) pg I have decided on a birth plan and parenting style. I have begged, pleaded and yelled at DH to read with me about all of this stuff so that we can be unifed and convicned together about how we want to have and care for our kids. He never did. A few times he would look something up to check if my statistics and research were accurate or to flat out combat my ideas. Once he submitted to my desire to have a homebirth he did some minimal research on how to cut am umbilical cord and how to use a nasal aspirtor, etc.
Throughout the pregnancy I have asked him to do his own research before haranging me with questions, fears, etc. I spent over a year researching on my own and I came to many conclusions that he was not a part of. Now that I'm pregnant I don't want to deal with his fears about losing the baby, hurting the baby, etc. because I'm already concerned enough as it is. I want him to just research things first instead of asking me and I really only want to hear his comments if they are supportive or at the least, well researched and supported.
He thinks this is unfair and selfish. He wants me to listen to his fears and worries so we can work through them together. I would have liked this too- year ago. At this point I don't want to answer AP 101 questions regarding birth and I certainly don't want to hear about dead babies and mothers.
He claims that he is supporting me by not refusing to participate in the birth and by not fighting me every step of the way and allowing me to do a homebirth, etc. without much resistance. He says that he is very supportive and even tells people at his medical assisting school about out birth plans.
I feel that he isnot supportive because while he confidently shares with his co-workers and classmates, he mostly acts afraid and concerned with me. He says that I shouldn't complain about him not acting excited because I don't act excited either- all I do is complain about being in pain and wanting to be finished with the pregnancy and have the baby.
By and large, my DH is great. I couldn't imagine being with anyone but him and I am very fortunate to have him. However in this situation I feel alone and unsupported. I wish I could just sit there and listen to his fears, but when I do I stay up all night afraid until I can research the stuff for myself. Is it asking too much for him to just do the research without involving me? I know I'm being selfish, but I feel that its warranted now.
What do you guys think?
Kristi
I began researching pregnancy, birth and parenting more than a year ago when we began discussing ttc. Now that I a 8 months (almost) pg I have decided on a birth plan and parenting style. I have begged, pleaded and yelled at DH to read with me about all of this stuff so that we can be unifed and convicned together about how we want to have and care for our kids. He never did. A few times he would look something up to check if my statistics and research were accurate or to flat out combat my ideas. Once he submitted to my desire to have a homebirth he did some minimal research on how to cut am umbilical cord and how to use a nasal aspirtor, etc.
Throughout the pregnancy I have asked him to do his own research before haranging me with questions, fears, etc. I spent over a year researching on my own and I came to many conclusions that he was not a part of. Now that I'm pregnant I don't want to deal with his fears about losing the baby, hurting the baby, etc. because I'm already concerned enough as it is. I want him to just research things first instead of asking me and I really only want to hear his comments if they are supportive or at the least, well researched and supported.
He thinks this is unfair and selfish. He wants me to listen to his fears and worries so we can work through them together. I would have liked this too- year ago. At this point I don't want to answer AP 101 questions regarding birth and I certainly don't want to hear about dead babies and mothers.
He claims that he is supporting me by not refusing to participate in the birth and by not fighting me every step of the way and allowing me to do a homebirth, etc. without much resistance. He says that he is very supportive and even tells people at his medical assisting school about out birth plans.
I feel that he isnot supportive because while he confidently shares with his co-workers and classmates, he mostly acts afraid and concerned with me. He says that I shouldn't complain about him not acting excited because I don't act excited either- all I do is complain about being in pain and wanting to be finished with the pregnancy and have the baby.
By and large, my DH is great. I couldn't imagine being with anyone but him and I am very fortunate to have him. However in this situation I feel alone and unsupported. I wish I could just sit there and listen to his fears, but when I do I stay up all night afraid until I can research the stuff for myself. Is it asking too much for him to just do the research without involving me? I know I'm being selfish, but I feel that its warranted now.
What do you guys think?
Kristi
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