Are your kids online? - Page 2

[greenhaven]

My boys will occasionally spend a lot of time online playing games, but seldom do they browse. The computer is in a high-traffic area so we can monitor at all times what is going on.

The internet CAN be a dangerous place...lots of yucky people and yucky stuff...but so is the rest of the world.

I agree with everyone else who has said that a solid, fundamental relationship with your teen is vital, as is frank discussion about the dangers of the the internet. Sure, they may or may not heed our warnings...but what are we going to do when we don't have that control over them any longer? They must know how to cope before they are turned loose.

This is also one of the reasons that I believe a child SHOULD be exposed to the internet. In addition, like it or not, this is a cyber-age, and computers and intenet are an integral part of our culture and occupations.

Think about plants grown in a greenhouse...they are protected from wind and biting cold and excessive heat or drought. You cannot take a greenhouse plant and just plunk it down outside...they have to be "hardened off," or toughened up in order to withsatnd conditions in the real environment.

Same with our kids, although it's not really "toughening" and training and education. Right? Shelter them too much and they will nt be ABLE to deal responsibly with the "real world."

[menudo]

My kids-5 and 9-go online but only to sites I know. DD wanted ot research soem stuff and I helped her and explained why not to type websites into the browser, etc. She only searched with me, she wants it that way anyway.

BUT at her age I had PENPALS. I gave strangers me home address, ages, interests, etc. daily. Noone thought anything of it. I am 31yo so it was not THAT long ago. I met some penpals, called many (in the days of expensive long distance), occasionally got letters from prisoners and weirdos but knew the dangers and such. I ignored those letters. That is why teh internet freak outs make me laugh. It does exists but I do my best toeducate my kids and watch them. and teh yaare inundated with internet safety at school. DD cried b/c my Mom used Ds VERY COMMON real first name online when they were all playing together one day.

So yes, teh yare online. I watch age appropriately. But risks are everywhere and I will not fool myself into beleiving the internet is automatically worse than the mall.

[Linda on the move]

My kids are 8 and 10 and are on line. We've talked about basic internet safety and they know and understand the rules.

They are not allowed to give any personal information, sign up for anything, or down load anything without asking first. On sites where they have a log in they use fake names. They understand the reasoning behind these rules. We have wireless internet and a laptop, but ask that when they are online they stay in the main part of the house.

They have their own email accounts and surf the web. They find all sorts of intersting things and we've never had any problems.

[smillerhouse]

We have had a lot of discussins this week about daughter, nearly 14 getting back on x-box live. I really don't want her to do this. The postives was connecitons with kids all over the world. The con side, to me outweigh the plus. There was so much cussing,violence, and she would get drawn into playing it at all hours (Halo2). I am saying no. Her brther does do it some but he does it strcitly for the gaming challenge. She likes to connect with others. It is too much to moniter and the time she could do it-tradtional school hours noone is there anyway. Sallie

[MillingNome]

My dd is online alot. My ds only to watch youtube videos on YugiOh. For dd, I will occasionally check up on her site- with her permission. She has a myspace and I know all the people she has in her friends' network she knows irl. We have talks sprinkled in about the big bad would of the internet. Needless to say, I am no more worried about her hanging out on her myspace than I am with her at any other time she is out of my sight

[MillingNome]

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[TAC]

I don't worry about my kids accessing porn. They are old enough to know what the different things are. But I do worry about online predators. I think it is a mistake to underestimate the dangers. By giving very simple information, such as the name of thier baseball team, or thier school, they can be located. That is why online chat rooms and especially myspace are strictly forbidden.

[mamaduck]

My kids are 6 and 10 and go online. The computer is in the family room, and we monitor what they are doing. We don't stand over their shoulders, but we glance at the screen now and then, kwim? They are not allowed to type in any personal information, and we have defined what constitutes personal information. And we've told them to stop and get a parent if they ever see anything they don't feel they should see.

The other day the 6 yo. came running upstairs bellowing, "There is a naked woman on the screen! Mommy, mommy, there is a naked woman on the screen!" I have no idea how he knew this was the big bad that I had worried about. He sees me naked and it doesn't phase him. But anyway. I went racing downstairs -- and there was a woman in a bikini for a weigh-watchers add! LOL. He just stood there looking disgusted, and asked me to please make her go away so that he wouldn't have to look at her anymore.

[canadianchick]

My dd is 10, almost 11 and she goes online and plays games on Disney and some horse websites. She always clears it with me and so far, so good. She's a pretty responsible kid and we have a good relationship, so hopefully things will continue this way.

[greenhaven]

Originally Posted by mamaduck

But anyway. I went racing downstairs -- and there was a woman in a bikini for a weigh-watchers add! LOL. He just stood there looking disgusted, and asked me to please make her go away so that he wouldn't have to look at her anymore.

Don't count on that lasting!

[smillerhouse]

I am still holding firm about not having x-box live back here. I feel my hands are more than full suprvsing keeping up with about the 8 or so kids she does know and talk to reguarly and also her volleyball team of 12 girls. Sallie

[Mama Lori]

Well I feel it's dangerous if the teen says where they live and posts sexual pictures and videos of themselves. This is what we just found out my stepdaughter (13) is doing, when she is at her mom's house (where she lives primarily - her mom barely parents her, lets her do whatever she wants). We found her myspace profile and the pictures are practically pornographic - not exaggerating. We found videos of her and her friends on youtube.com dancing half naked and basically simulating sex acts with each other. Anyone (and I mean anyone) can subscribe anyone's profile on youtube, and we saw a list of several 25-30 year-old men subscribed to her profile. We can see pictures of these men and they are definitely that old, and they are all subscribed to profiles of young teen girls.

We knew this girl was headed for trouble but we didn't realize how bad it was.

Her mom is a total and is sooo not worth approaching about this. She lets her do whatever she wants and prides herself on being the "cool" hands-off parent.

The problem (or shall I say, one of the problems) is that the girl is giving out OUR hometown as her "location" on myspace. We have two young children and as she has the same last name as us and we are listed in the phone book, I feel she is putting our family at risk, not to mention herself. She's had one guy on myspace threaten to kill her. She's had another guy call her on her cell phone late at night and threaten to kill himself.

We are still in shock and don't know what to do.

[philomom]

Originally Posted by BelovedK

My son love to play Runescape...I don't like it very much. Chatting goes on and I always picture some weird predator on the other end of his conversation...He wants me to play, so I think I will get into it so I can become involved...


He is not allowed to be on when I'm not home, but I've caught him doing it .

He likes to go to youtube and I'm definately against him going there unless I know exactly what he is looking at.

You could collect the hardware if you are going to be gone. Without a keyboard kids don't get very far.

Okay, I know the gder's are upset at this point, but if I can't trust my kid, he does not need to have computer time.

[jellop]

NOT ANYMORE!!! We did the "trust" thing, we did the "talks", the computer is in the living room so it's in plain view and everyone pretty much has open access to it - we went through all the motions. Dss (11yrs) seemed like he really "got" and understood/agreed with the rules. We allowed him to go to this one game site that also had online chat (that we monitored), but then one day we noticed that whenever we were walking towards him, he'd slide/drop the conversation so that we couldn't see what was going on. One evening, I was going through the history to find a site that I had visited a couple days ago, and BAM, I found (porn) sites that he'd been visiting. Online chat sites. Subscribed to e-mail (which was a no-no). You guys, we really tried to pay attention and monitor his online activities. We didn't "check up" on him, because we trusted him. We've tried our best to be fair and be good parents. But now, online activities are strictly off limits for him. If, for whatever reason, he needs to research something online, we will be right there beside him the entire time. He violated our trust concerning the computer, and I don't know when this issue will be truly resolved. It's scary, because he's much more computer-savvy than either his dad or I, which I think most kids are - they are part of the "computer" generation. Don't get me wrong - I don't think we should automatically think the internet is bad, that our children are in immediate danger, but I also don't think we should be ignorant and believe our children will always be as "innocent and pure" as they act whenever we are around.

Maybe I'm slightly jaded in this as of right now, since we've just gone through such a mess here. I'm still in shock.

[Susie1]

Jellop - What was your reaction when you found out? Was there a lot of shame involved? I am thinking that we may create a lot more covert secrecy with prohibition. It is the American thing.

What happens when we take an open and honest look at pornography as a family? Has anyone had an experience with this? I purchased a book called "Caught Looking". Written from a lesbian feminist perspective. Very critical look at censorship and the issues surrounding eroticism. Kids were facinated to see what was inside at first, and then were totally bored. I am quite aware of the "spectrum" of images that one can run into. But, just curious if anyone has dared explore this as a family?

[joy2bmom]

Originally Posted by FancyNancy

Does anyone have a child that spends a lot of time on the internet?

Nope, only to take a test for school, thats it

[jellop]

Susie1 - Actually, when I found out, he wasn't around (thank goodness), so I was able to somewhat calm down first. It wasn't so much the porn (although that definitely bothered me), it was the violation of trust - and that's an issue we have been constantly dealing with here. When he got home and asked to get on the computer, I simply said no because I found out he'd been doing things he wasn't allowed on the computer, he'd broken that trust, so online was going to be off limits for him. He didn't argue, try do explain himself, nothing - was just like "yep, okay", and went along his merry little way. I want to be able to trust him - I "give" him trust all the time and then go with having him "keep" my trust (I will trust until he breaks it). I realize that it's hard for children to "earn" trust without first being given trust - it's a vicious cycle - so I try to give him those opportunities as often as possible.

I totally get the "forbidden fruit" syndrome that society has that I think actually leads kids into looking at pornography MORE, and envelopes the whole situation into a shroud of secrecy. And this isn't the first pornography problem we've had with him (actually, it's been an off and on issue for a couple years now - and he's only 11 now). We've tried to be open about the issue, and tried to explain that while it's natural to be curious, we need him to understand that porn can become an addiction - and that's what we're trying to prevent. Maybe the internet was too strong a temptation for him - the easy access to porn. But he did other things online he wasn't allowed, also, so that's what we're making the issue about.

[amydidit]

My 10yr old DD is on the internet a good amount of time. Our computer is in the living room so I can see what she's doing, and she asks before going to a new site. Our favorite is imbee.com, which is kind of like Myspace for kids under 14. Kids can't sign up on their own, a parent has to sign up and prove they're over 18. The parents can choose to either approve every action (like if the kid wants to join a group the parent has to okay it before they join, etc), or they can chose to just monitor and you get emails everyday that shows exactly what your kid has been doing.

Yes, the internet can be a scary place, and there are kids who will go too far, but for the most part I don't believe that sheltering children from things like that is the way to go.

[Seeking Refuge]

I have a fourteen yo and an eleven yo girl. They both have myspaces which are set to private. I am on their friends list so I can keep an eye on things.
We have had no problems with predators.

As far as porn goes, they just wouldn't do it. Besides most of the sites which are really nasty, you have to pay to get on to ( to the never ending chagrin of dh)

Honestly my take on this whole Internet thing is that these kids are being exposed to this stuff in movies, advertising, music and in the hallways at school. The only way you can stop it, is to keep them in a box.

[SandraS]

My 13 and 8 year olds are online whenever they want. I dont' worry about predators or porn, I've taught them well.