Is TV Evil???

[Bisou]

I am a single mom of a VERY active, intense 19-month-old boy. I have always been pretty anti-TV (including videos, children's movies, Baby Einstein, etc) since everything I have read says, "No TV until at least two," and my pediatrician agrees with this also. I have been told that TV viewing in young children can cause changes to a child's brain development, rewiring their neural pathways.

Until my son was about 16-17 months old, I never ever let him see the TV at all, even for a second. A majority of my friends (with very different parenting styles) advocated having their kids sit in front of Baby Einstein videos for at least 30-60 minutes a day so they could have a break, do dishes, or whatever, while keeping an eye on their kids, of course. They thought Baby Einstein videos were great for their kids also--educational, stimulating, and the like.

I didn't agree with this at all, especially since I did some research and found that studies have shown a link between TV viewing and ADD/ADHD. One study said that for each hour of TV a child watches daily, his/her risk of ADD/ADHD goes up 10%. I have also read, however, that these studies were found to be flawed and that subsequent studies showed no correlation between TV watching and learning disorders.

As my son has gotten a bit older, he has also become wilder, crazier, temper-tantrumier , and generally more difficult to deal with at times. One day after an evening of no sleep, I laid on the couch with him, threw a blanket on us, and put on Sesame Street. He was mezmerized, of course, and laid there so calmly, sweetly cuddling with me, rubbing and patting my arm, and being such a cuddle bug. I felt a bit guilty about my zombie baby, but loved having him cuddle there with me so calmly, and I got a break. Finally, some rest! It was like heaven.

I thought, well, it's not that bad. It's Sesame Street. It's public access TV; there are no commercials. He's not being brainwashed into wanting to eat McDonald's. There's no violence. I am watching everything with him. There's nothing scary. The programs are even PC, showing people of all races and abilities, and people doing non-gender-typical activities.

Since then, I have fallen into the bad habit of popping on the TV whenever I have an exhausting night of no sleep, which has been frequent lately as I often stay up late to work grading papers. (I am a part-time college teacher.) Sometimes he watches two hours a day. I feel guilty. I never wanted to fall into this trap, but it's so easy (and calms him down so much) that I see why people do this. I don't want it to become a habit, and I don't want to get too lazy, but I am so exhausted.

Is this terrible? What do you all think? Should he be watching no TV, in your opinion? What do you do for your kids? Does anyone know anything else about other research? I am so conflicted about this. I also wonder about the not-until-two prohibition, like the day he turns two it will magically be ok and have no effect on him. I suppose that's just a guideline, but I am just really confused and conflicted.

Unfortunately, my parents (whom we live with) have seen this as somewhat of a license to turn the TV on themselves whenever they want, and they are NOT turning on children's TV. This is a whole different issue, but related I guess since they think it's ok now that I am letting him watch some TV. They are also doing this when I am at work, so I have no control over it. I keep telling them I don't want ANY regular TV on when he's around, and very limited kids TV, but they haven't been listening to me at all. (We have a terrible relationship anyway. Again, another issue.)

Help! I need advice on this TV issue. I am feeling guilty.

--Holly

[~member~]

We never watch television, but a very rare dvd is okay. Most of our dvd's are pow wow dvd's. The children dance along and practice for when we return to the pow wow trail.
Every once in a while, we get a Scooby-Doo video or children's video's that have been recommended here on MDC, like Finding Nemo.

Then again, my children are older.

[Bisou]

Hi Mama in the Boonies! Actually, that could be my screen name too, as I am in the boonies myself on 6 1/2 acres, way out in the woods. Thanks for your reply. Do you not watch TV yourself either? I wish I were more disciplined with that, but my job is so intellectual and mentally demanding that I get sucked into the mind-numbing effect that TV provides (once my son is in bed anyway). I don't want to harm him by getting too lax, however.

[woo27ks]

We don't do TV at our house either - we'll rent a movie or get a National Geographic at the library.

When x and his wife moved to a new house and my kids each got a tv in their own room, I became even more adamant that there was no tv at our house. I think I might be more relaxed if there was more balance between the two houses.

I think everything in moderation. I don't think TV is evil. I think there are better things to do. I also think all of the marketing is wrong but can provide opportunity for conversation.

I don't like to use TV as a way to manage my children either. I'm a pretty scheduled person and so we have a routine that just doesn't involve tv.

Can you have a talk with your family about the kind of tv that they are watching in front of the kids? I can understand how this is upsetting.

[~member~]

Originally Posted by Bisou

Do you not watch TV yourself either?

No. Our television has no antenna and no cable. It's basically just a monitor for the dvd player.
I grew up without a tv, not even for movies. On the rare occasions we went to the movies it was at the drive-in or the dollar show.
I did know what tv was, as all but one of my friends watched it. Those who watched it were not as fun, as they just wanted to sit and watch it and not interact.
My friend who was also tv-free, is still my best friend. We did everything from going to the library to volunteering together.

[lanamommyphd07]

you could freecycle the TV and then be able to stumble upon other things that are relaxing and calming for you both?? Play in the bath until pruney while momma reads?

[trinity6232000]

Originally Posted by Bisou

Is this terrible? What do you all think? Should he be watching no TV, in your opinion? What do you do for your kids? Does anyone know anything else about other research? I am so conflicted about this. I also wonder about the not-until-two prohibition, like the day he turns two it will magically be ok and have no effect on him. I suppose that's just a guideline, but I am just really confused and conflicted.

I'm not sure what to do about the parents putting the tv on all the time dilemma. Until my Mom's death she had the tv on 24/7, it was like that my whole life. My dd learned quickly to tune out the tv, especially since it was nothing that would interest her anyhow. We we're in that room constantly so I didn't see making a battle out of it.

I feel bad that your putting so much pressure on yourself. I agree that kids before age 2 shouldn't be parked in front of a tv. I do think it's a guideline, and I still regulate tv viewing for my 6yo.

Before I was a Mom I had so many rules for my future children. I was going to be the perfect Mom. As a single Mom, I think we're spread pretty thin. Sometimes we need a small break, and that's hard to come by. If you use the tv a couple times a week to catch a break I really don't think you are damaging your child. Actually I think the opposite, that you can be a better parent giving yourself a break.

Your child is going to do well, because you care so much, and not as much because you never turned on a tv.

[zinemama]

I grew up without tv and we don't have one, for all the developmental reasons you mention, plus I think most of the stuff on there (even PBS) is dumbed down and tied in to commerce, yada-yada. And also because, as you have found, once you turn it on, it's a slippery slope. One that I would have a very hard time not sliding down.

That said...I am not a single mother, and my hat is off to anyone who is one. And when you've got sleep deprivation on top of that? Plus a wild and crazy kid?

Mama, do what you have to do. You need a break now, and you can always cut the tv off later when your kid has got through the wild phase.

[woo27ks]

Originally Posted by lanamommyphd07

Play in the bath until pruney while momma reads?

My dd will play in the tub for 2 hours at a time. I've never seen such pruney feet.

[mamagoose]

Mama, I hear you. My ds is 22 mos, and my h and I have been separated for over a year. I too have resorted to letting ds watch more tv than I thought I would. Actually, it's not tv, it's Sesame Street dvds, or select other DVDs (Finding Nemo, Toy Story, Charlotte's Webb). I don't let him watch regular tv because I don't want him exposed to commercials or to adult tv content. I let him watch 30 minutes per day, sometimes 60 minutes. I just can't do it all - I WOH full time (wish I didn't have to, but that's the way it is right now) and he's with me full time on the evenings and weekends. I need a breather and letting him watch these dvds while I fix dinner or take a shower (I have a small apt and can see him and the tv from my bathtub) or clean the catbox or whatever makes life a bit easier and me less grumpy and frazzled.

I try not to feel too guilty about this. He enjoys the shows and does seem to get something from them, in particular he says his a-b-c's along with the Sesame Street characters. I just limit the amount of time and whenver possible, even if I'm in the kitchen doing whatever, I try to talk to him about what we're watching.

In an ideal world, I'd have oodles of energy and time and his dad would be at home with us to help out and he'd never watch anything, but this is not the case. I just try to keep it balanced and do my best.

[MissLotus]

Like with every other issue, it all depends on the child! And specifically with TV, it depends on what you're exposing him to (and I realize that with your parents, you don't have control over that part of things). But I do not think TV is evil. Kids want to relax and be entertained at times, just like adults do.

My son is 5 now, and I probably let him watch too much TV when he was your child's age. Not junk TV - I too kept on on PBS, and educational videos about animals and construction and trains, etc. But I know I felt guilty at times....yet that was the only time he would be calm and relax for two seconds, as opposed to working himself into a frenzy. And you know what...he is fine now! As in, he's intellectually curious...he's smart, he loves to read and spell already. He still loves his videos and his PBS shows. But he also loves his books, his games....I think as long as your child is also getting exposure to OTHER things that stimulate him, then TV sometimes is okay. I mean, it's out there. So for me, I'm trying to steer my son towards choosing better-quality shows.....and watching things like Mr. Rogers (who I think is wonderful) never hurt any child!

One more thing - I have a friend whose son is the same age. She allows him no TV at all....which I've never really thought twice about - I respect her a lot. But I do know that her son is OBSESSED with TV whenever he leaves home! When he comes here, he always wants to watch it! (I respect his Mom's decision, so I steer to them to play other things). But I can't help but notice what a big deal it is to him....he knows it's out there but has no access to it, so it's become very desirable to him. Whereas with my son, TV is totally last on the list because it's no big deal. Just an observation I made.

[SuperMama]

[thismama]

I without TV am way more evil than TV could ever be. We use it a lot. She's watching right now.

[Bisou]

Lana:
Unfortunately I can't get rid of the TV since I live in my parents' house and it's theirs. Even if I didn't ever watch TV and it was my place, I'd probably want to be able to watch movies once the little one was in bed.

Taking a bath is a good alternative activity though, as he loves the bath. I might have to try that.

[Bisou]

Hi Janna:
Thanks for your perspective. I know I have the tendency to be really tough on myself, and it really irks me when I feel like I've let my son watch too much TV for the day, and then I go to work (I teach night classes) and I come home to find out that they've had him watching non-kid-friendly TV! ARGH.

[Bisou]

Originally Posted by mamagoose

Mama, I hear you. My ds is 22 mos, and my h and I have been separated for over a year. I too have resorted to letting ds watch more tv than I thought I would. Actually, it's not tv, it's Sesame Street dvds, or select other DVDs (Finding Nemo, Toy Story, Charlotte's Webb). I don't let him watch regular tv because I don't want him exposed to commercials or to adult tv content. I let him watch 30 minutes per day, sometimes 60 minutes. I just can't do it all - I WOH full time (wish I didn't have to, but that's the way it is right now) and he's with me full time on the evenings and weekends. I need a breather and letting him watch these dvds while I fix dinner or take a shower (I have a small apt and can see him and the tv from my bathtub) or clean the catbox or whatever makes life a bit easier and me less grumpy and frazzled.

I try not to feel too guilty about this. He enjoys the shows and does seem to get something from them, in particular he says his a-b-c's along with the Sesame Street characters. I just limit the amount of time and whenver possible, even if I'm in the kitchen doing whatever, I try to talk to him about what we're watching.

In an ideal world, I'd have oodles of energy and time and his dad would be at home with us to help out and he'd never watch anything, but this is not the case. I just try to keep it balanced and do my best.

Yes, I have the same feeling. I was so exhausted and frustrated with his behavior a couple months ago that it was escalating into yelling, on my part, which I did NOT want to do. He was hitting and slapping me 10+ times per day, throwing books at my face, etc. It was tough to deal with and I didn't deal with it well. Putting Sesame Street on for a bit has calmed him down so much and we have such nice bonding time, but on the other hand, I don't want to have that part of our routine!

He actually screamed for the TV to be turned on this morning (Sat), and since my parents and I were all there, I figured he had enough entertainment with the three of us. I was going to go upstairs and work on some applications and leave him with my mom for an hour, and since he was having a fit, she wanted to turn on the TV. She said it should be part of his routine that he can expect: an hour of TV every morning, and then turn it off and that's it for the day. I disagreed; I don't want him feeling like he can watch it EVERY day. It's frustrating having to argue with them, but I guess if I were married/partnered, we could disagree on child rearing too, so it might be the same thing.

I do have high expectations of my mothering, and I think sometimes it can actually backfire for me because I don't allow myself any leeway, and then when it becomes too much I just lose it. I think having patience for my son and being kind to him is probably more important than whether or not he watches TV a bit.

But again, I am so conflicted. Even when saying that, I question whether I really believe that him watching a little TV is ok. UGH.

I am an academic by profession and overly analytical. A curse! :

[Bisou]

Thanks Mamas!

Originally Posted by thismama

I without TV am way more evil than TV could ever be. We use it a lot. She's watching right now.

That is so funny! I feel that way too sometimes. It's probably better for my son to watch Sesame Street than have me get overwhelmed from fatigue and frustration and yell at him.

You all are making me feel much better. I know I watched Sesame Street and Mr Rogers as a kid, and I am a college English teacher with a pretty functional brain. I think I turned out fairly bright.

Then again, perhaps growing up without TV, I would've solved global warming, come up with a cure for cancer and HIV, and be a multi-millionaire. But I jest.

I know there are many mainstream parents (some of my friends among them) who have TV and movies on constantly. I visited a friend recently who had Star Wars playing on her HUGE big-screen TV for her two-year-old and newborn to watch. Star Wars? I don't think that's the best for a young child of that age.

Likewise I had a student who, much to my dismay, told me she had mounted a TV/VCR above her baby's crib that played, in her words, "on a constant loop" 24/7 (literally) to entertain the baby when he woke up so they didn't have to get up and tend to him. She told me this when I was surprised that her baby slept 12-14 hours and didn't get up until after 9:00 am. I wanted to know how she did it to see if she had any helpful hints for my son. After her explanation, I wanted to ream her out, but I didn't think it was appropriate as her teacher.

I think that the biggest danger comes from parents who use TV in place of any real interaction with their kids, kids who watch TV with no other activities (like outdoor play, play with friends, or creative and imagination-building activities like art and reading), and parents who allow their children to watch TV without supervision. When my son watches TV, I am always watching with him, and he only watches programs I have seen several times, and only shows without commercials.

This doesn't hold true for my parents, however, and I guess I will just have to keep working on them and trying to emphasize the importance of limiting the amount of TV he watches and that the type of programs he watches are the kind I want him watching.

If anyone has additional thoughts, please share!

Holly

[faeriewisp]

In my opinion and according to my beliefs, I do think TV can be considered "evil." As a disclaimer, this statement is in no way a judgement against all you lovely mamas.

I find that my TV-free dd plays alone exceptionally well, compared to many other children. I think that since you are wanting to address your guilt here, you should ask yourself, "Does my child have the skills to play alone at times, which could give me the same kind of break that TV watching does?" IF so, and you get breaks at these times, don't feel guilty about the TV.

I would only worry (if I didn't think TV was "evil") if TV is the ONLY possible way for you to get a break. Independent, creative play is a natural activity for babies and children. If it isn't happening, it should be reintroduced and nurtured because it's a very important life skill.

IF your child plays alone at times and you can utilize this for a break and if you find yourself increasingly using the TV for more breaks, then I would worry that maybe you are a little too depleteled -- sleepwise, or nutritionally, or overscheduled, and some changes might be in order in the best interest of yourself and the family as a unit!

[nicole lisa]

We're TV free here and rent a movie about once a month. When we're not renting a movie the TV is in storage in the basement.

Just another perspective on TV giving you down time. DS sounds like he was a lot like your son at your son's age - very active - he still is. But what I found over time ( we didn't have any TV before 2 and then a little here and there, increasing to an hour a day by about 3) is that DS was harder to handle when TV was in his life than when we didn't have it. He was more aggressive, threw bigger tantrums, and sometimes just a downright emotional mess - and that was just with an hour to an hour and a half a day and on the public access kids programs. The trade off just wasn't worth it for just an hour a day of quiet (well, he never was a quiet watcher! Very active watcher) unsupervised time.

At 4.5 we talked to him about it and about what happened to our day after the TV was turned off (and he was always OK with turning it off), and how it felt in the house with so much discord (it really just ramped him up too much - overstimulated him) and as a family we decided it would be best if we killed TV in the house. There wasn't even a transition time for us. He agreed and we put it away and things have been so much better. And he became so great at solitary play that I know get lots of time to decompress. Now I know at your DS' age it's just not that easy - he has to be watched more than a child a bit older, but there are still other things he could be doing that would also allow you a bit of a break.

Not all kids respond to TV the same way, and your child may be very different than mine, but I just thought I would throw out another perspective. For some kids TV overtimulates them enough that their behaviour worsens, even if they calm down for the duration the TV is on.

[faeriewisp]

Originally Posted by nicole lisa

Not all kids respond to TV the same way, and your child may be very different than mine, but I just thought I would throw out another perspective. For some kids TV overtimulates them enough that their behaviour worsens, even if they calm down for the duration the TV is on.

YES! My oldest dd watched tv or a video up until age 3. What first turned me on to exploring tv-free was when I noticed that bedtime was HORRIFIC when she watched something any time in the day after noon.