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She doesn't believe in God.  

post #1 of 33
2/23/07 at 9:54pm
Thread Starter 
Dd1 (12) came to me last night, and told me that I was going to be really mad and upset, but that she needed to tell me something. I ignored the fact that it was past bedtime, and listened.

She apparently doesn't believe in God, because she believes in evolution, reincarnation, doesn't believe in Adam and Eve, etc. (there was a whole list). I pointed out that as far as I'm concerned, Genesis (Adam and Eve) is just a story made up to explain stuff. I also pointed out that until the fifth century or so, the church taught reincarnation as a belief, and explained why they stopped.

Anyway, I was very calm, and explained all my reasoning behind why I believe all the same things, but still believe in God. Then she got to the hard stuff - where was He during the Holocaust and other times like that. That I've never been able to satisfy myself with - free will only goes so far.

Anyway, I was upset that she THOUGHT I would be upset, I wasn't upset at all at the conversation, I've been expecting something like it for a while, and it was nice that even though we go to church, that she felt able to come to me and talk to me. Long may that continue!
post #2 of 33
2/23/07 at 9:56pm
Good for you mommy! For a kid to be able to come to you with deep stuff and you can listen and validate, especially with religion. I'm impressed.
post #3 of 33
2/23/07 at 9:59pm
You handled that so beautifully. I'm impressed.
post #4 of 33
2/23/07 at 11:13pm
I feel the same way as your dd. I'm glad you handled it so beautifully!
post #5 of 33
2/24/07 at 12:05am
Wow, when I told my Mom I didn't believe in God (8th grade) I got an earful and was told that regardless of my beliefs I would still be expected to attend religion classes. I attended them against my wishes until the week before I was to be confirmed. I still hold the same beliefs now at the age of 28 as I did when I was in 8th grade. Good for you for not reprimanding her, I am sure it was hard to bite your tongue due to your beliefs.
post #6 of 33
2/24/07 at 12:12pm
I think our ideas of God do come with a lot of baggage that sometimes makes it hard to believe. Such a DD at age 12 is only beginning to explore her beliefs, and you did so wonderfully to explore them with her. I believe in God, that He is our lover, and respects us as persons, and your DD is just emerging into personhood. Because of that God leaves us free to make mistakes and that's how much evil comes into our world.
post #7 of 33
2/24/07 at 1:21pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by KMK_Mama View Post
Wow, when I told my Mom I didn't believe in God (8th grade) I got an earful and was told that regardless of my beliefs I would still be expected to attend religion classes. I attended them against my wishes until the week before I was to be confirmed. I still hold the same beliefs now at the age of 28 as I did when I was in 8th grade. Good for you for not reprimanding her, I am sure it was hard to bite your tongue due to your beliefs.
Well she goes to Catholic school, and we go to church (though not as often as we should), and neither of those things are going to change. However, I've tried to raise her to question everything anyway (and that has bitten me more than once ) But I get what you are saying, and if she doesn't want to be confirmed next year, she doesn't have to.
post #8 of 33
2/25/07 at 12:36am
I decided I was an atheist when I was 12, too, but I never would have talked to my parents about it. It's great that she's talking to you about it.

I don't consider myself atheist anymore, but it was a long journey.
post #9 of 33
2/25/07 at 12:59am
It sounds like you did a great job handling it. I don't know your daughter but I'm proud of her for being a free thinker. I hope this is the beginning of an eye-opening journey for her to explore various religions. Perhaps she'll find one that suits her or perhaps she'll decide that lack of religion suits her. Good for her nonetheless.
post #10 of 33
2/25/07 at 1:04am
Quote:
Originally Posted by KMK_Mama View Post
Wow, when I told my Mom I didn't believe in God (8th grade) I got an earful and was told that regardless of my beliefs I would still be expected to attend religion classes.
HA! When I told mine I was an atheist, without missing a beat she said, "No, you're not. Not really."

That was part of a larger trend, actually. She seemed to be under the impression that if she said something, that made it so. "You're not really an atheist." "You hate that coat." "You don't want that one."
post #11 of 33
2/25/07 at 1:18am
very cool! although i might be inclined to wonder....what if she asked to go to public school??

Just cause she doesn't believe in God as per the ways she's been presented the concept, well.....there are plenty of ways to be spiritual outside of a particular religion of course Just keep those lines of communication open, mama!

I also had the "no you're not, you don't think that" type of parents. they are still in denial that i am Pagan. I couldn't have found a better way to interest them in Christianity had I tried, LOL!
post #12 of 33
2/25/07 at 1:00pm
You handled that so well. Congratulations! I, too, would have been more upset that my daughter would think she couldn't talk to me. Communication with kids is so important!
post #13 of 33
2/25/07 at 1:14pm
Sounds like you've got a strong relationship with your daughter! Sometimes the whole "I thought you'd be upset if I told you" line isn't really about them being worried about you being upset. She has probably seen tv shows or heard from friends who describe this as being a hot-topic for reactionary parents and had it placed in her mind that it could be an upsetting conversation. But she obviously had more trust in her heart than she did worry because the two of you just had an incredible conversation. What a great opportunity, how wonderful that you took it!!
post #14 of 33
2/25/07 at 1:19pm
You're awesome, irish
post #15 of 33
2/25/07 at 2:04pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irishmommy View Post
Well she goes to Catholic school, and we go to church (though not as often as we should), and neither of those things are going to change. However, I've tried to raise her to question everything anyway (and that has bitten me more than once ) But I get what you are saying, and if she doesn't want to be confirmed next year, she doesn't have to.
Irishmommy ~

I can totally relate. I am Catholic and my dh is an atheist . Our oldest (15) believes in God, but not in Catholicism. This is hard for me (they've gone to Catholic school and now we homeschool and the 2 middles go to RE and we go to Mass every weekend), but we have also raised them to be very open minded and tolerant. So I try to be the same. That totally has bitten me several times, too! But I think it's good because the world is full of choices and the home is where they should feel comfortable to ask questions and speak their mind. My daughter also chose not to be confirmed and doesn't go to teen groups or anything. We go to Mass as a family, so that's the only part where she doesn't have a choice. But she knows that she is free to follow her own path when she's an adult. That probably doesn't sound open-minded enough for some, but for us, it's as comfortable as we can get. I think you did an excellent job when speaking to your daughter. I wish you well!
post #16 of 33
2/25/07 at 2:07pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Krystal323 View Post
very cool! although i might be inclined to wonder....what if she asked to go to public school??
I'm confident she won't - she does love her school, knows no one at the public school, and only has one year left anyway. And besides which, with the way school funding is here, both kids have to go to the same system, and I'm not moving dd2. We will deal with high school if it comes up then.

Thanks for all the kudos!
post #17 of 33
2/26/07 at 1:26am
Great way to handle it!

My ds1 (age 11) doesn't know if he believes in God or not, but leans toward not believing. My dd (age 8) believes. We've just always told them that everyone has a different spiritual path to follow, and that their job is to listen to their heart and be true to their path. We've told them that their path might change during different parts of their lives, and that is ok.
post #18 of 33
2/26/07 at 5:39am
I think you handled it pretty well. Those heavy questions can sneak up on ya sometimes. At this point my Ds identifies as an agnostic and Dd is "searching/thinking" yet which makes sense seeing as how she is only 13.
post #19 of 33
2/26/07 at 11:50pm
Ya couldn't have handled it better.

FWIW, I've found as I've become less religiuos, I've become more spiritual. I think it was Oprah who best described the different religions. She said something to the effect of all the religions are spokes of a wheel leading to an ultimate truth. Guess I like to jump from spoke to spoke.
post #20 of 33
2/27/07 at 6:10am
I told my mother that i didnt beleive in God not because i really didnt, just didnt believe her version of who god was. Children see God through their parents till they can really understand what a true relationship with our Lord and Saviour looks like. I am now a strong Christian married to a man that was once in the ministry and we will be again someday in the future. But I still dont believe her version of who God is and I never will and thats O.K. But your child needs to respect your rules but doesnt have to believe the same thing as you. Boy parenting is hard sometimes !!
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