Preparing you birth "team"

[reillys_mom]

At ds's birth it was just me, DH, and MW. I was very sure that I didn't want anyone else there. Fast forward 2 years to now, and I'm expecting #2. We want to have ds at the birth, which means having someone there to be with him. After reconciling myself to having other people at the birth, I have identified who the potential people are (my mom or someone who is local in case the baby comes before she gets into town). Before I ask them I want to be a bit clearer in my own head about what role I want them to have. I know that I want them to be there to take care of ds, take him away if he gets upset, etc.

So, my question is has anyone had a similar experience? How did you handle it? Are there things you wish you had done? I am worried about my birth becoming more of group experience, especially if my mom is there and want to try to do everything I can to include them in a way that we will all be happy with after.

[brewgirl]

I had #2 in the fall and had a similar situation with my 3 year old. We wanted her to be present if it was mutually agreeable and away if that's what she or I needed. My sister lives in town, so we asked her to be dd's point person. I was very specific that her role was to be completely devoted to dd and that if she was not, we would ask her to leave. She's extremely helpful and I was nervous that she would get so excited about the birth that she wouldn't be responsive enough to dd. Anyway, I made a list of activities that they could do in the house and out of the house. (bake a cake, go get balloons, crafts, play with bubbles, go to the park, favorite lunch spots, etc.). I emailed these to her and had a copy on hand with my birth stuff. My sister also planned to spend the day with dd, so that dh and I could get some rest and dd could get fully devoted attention on her new big sister status. Be sure to also discuss when you will call the support person. I was surprised that my sister didn't want a heads up call, as she felt that she wouldn't be able to stay away.

For the actual birth, my labor progressed rapidly and my sister got stuck in rush hour and missed the whole thing. I was beginning to push at the time that dd normally wakes up and knew she'd be confused so I had dh call the neighbors to come and get her. My wonderful neighbor came and got her out of bed and took her next door for breakfast while I pushed out the baby. As soon as dd2 was born the doula ran over and got dd1, so she arrived while we were still in the tub. It worked out wonderfully!

Good luck!

[Momma Aimee]

we have chose not to have ds -- will be a few weeks short of 2 -- at the birth. that could still change --

but we are working on the team to take care of him, and me, and the baby and the logistics with as little trama to DS as possible -- while still allong DH to be at the birth of number two and for me to not have to labor alone.....

so I guess

:

[PiePie]

i was a support person for a little girl 2 days shy of 2 y.o. they prepared me by having me flip through "a child is born" and come to a mw appt. (i was local). as it turned out, the child slept thorugh the actual birth, and my role was cleaning up and bringing food and just celebrating. and then paying attn. to the kid later. she didn't want me, but she accepted her daddy instead of a mommy (a first for her), arguably because i set him up... my biggest preparation was spending lots of time with the kid. also learned how to install their car seat in my car and introduced my child to my apt. -- preparing for contingencies that never came to pass...

[Snork]

Like you I hate having my birth being a spectator sport. I prefer just my midwife and DH, but from the 3rd decided that DH was too distracted with the kids (who dont watch the birth but do participate in preparing during labour and come in as soon as the baby cries).


So I really thought hard about it. I knew I didnt want my mother - who is nervous about birth and a bit fussy. In the end I chose a very dear and old friend who doesnt have children - so being available was easy for her. She is an amateur/professional photographer so one of her roles was to catch the "moments" of labour and birth and the first moments afterwards. We also asked her to be available for the kids - but they didnt need much, and she naturally assumed the role of food-preparer.

She was AWESOME. We did get together for a special meal at a restaurant and discuss things with her - she was eager to know her role and how to act. I like silence, I hate being watched, I cant bear being touched or prodded, so it wasnt like I expected a lot from anyone - BUT as my mother showed (second birth) it can be hard for some people to be quiet at such times....

My friend was so awesome she is a vital part of my birth team now, and has been with me for 5 births.