Originally Posted by frenchie
I'm totally confused by this example. Perhaps both scenarios aren't connected?
How would you resolve scenario number one? My son knows that it's his responsability to put his toys back when he's done. If he doesn't, said toy is confiscated for a few days. I'd like to find an alternative...but I just can't think of a better way to appraoch the situation.
I'm not the person who gave the examples in question, but here's my take on it. I've realized that the majority of parents seem to expect their kids to behave better than adults. In all honesty, *I* don't always put my stuff back when I'm done with it. I've been trying to work on remembering that when I see that my kids have left their toys out. One thing that we do at our house is realize that part of being a family (or our family, anyways) is picking up after each other once in a while. If I've left my school books out on the table and ds and dd want to play a board game they'll usually put them away and mention something along the lines of "mom, your books were on the table so we put them in your bag". If I come across Rescue Heros in the middle of my living room floor I'll generally pick them up and say something similar. However, if the mess is sizable (we do not have limit on how many toys are allowed out), I do expect that they will be cleaning it up. If in the scenario with the board game they came to the table and it was covered in dishes and flour and a huge mess left over from me baking something they probably wouldn't be too eager to pick it up themselves, and I'd be fine with them coming to me and asking me to take care of it so that they could use the table.
Now, if the lego village that they've built for the above mentioned Rescue Heros is covering every surface in the living room and there is a reason that the living room has to be cleaned up asap (company or bedtime - none of us like getting up to a mess), and they are not cleaning it up themselves, then I will do it for them, but chances are I'll just take a big trash bag, dump it all in there and stick in in a closet to be dealt with when I have more time. I don't think that is punishment, however I do think it is a consequence. It seems to me to be quite logical. But someone has to deal with the mess in the trash bag. I'm fine with being that someone - if they're fine with it being on my timeline.
Originally Posted by frenchie
For the second scenario, I'm assuming we're talking about a child throwing a toy. I've appraoched this sitaution with my son a little differently. Toy flies across the room. I pick it up and hand it back, letting him know that throwing toys is harmful to others, and that it's not acceptable in our house. Toy flies across the room again. I pick up the toy and before handing it back to Kai, I let him know that if he throws it once more, it will be taken away. I then show him how to play with the toy on the floor. Toy flies across the room again, toy is taken away. I then remind him that I told him what would happen, and that the toy is being taken away until he can play with it properly. This has worked for Kai.
Now, the above example is a far cry from what my mom would've done to me as a little one. I feel that I made a good choice, considering the example I had to go by. What would you have done differently in my example?
I am eager to learn other alternatives.
I'm not even going to say what my mom would have done to me as a little one, lol. What I do here for my older two who are plenty old enough (based not on their chronological age, but their developmental level...just a disclaimer, I know all kids are different) to know that throwing toys is a no go there are a couple of ways I might handle it. It gets back to the underlying reason. If they're throwing the toy because they're just too wound up, then I strongly suggest that they head outside for a game of ball. It might go something like this :
me : Hey, how about some outside play? I'll get the kick balls...
ds :no, that's ok. I'll just stay in.
me : you sure? You seem to me like you're bursting with energy. I'm going to need for you to either burn it by throwing things outside, or find a way to control it inside. You know throwing things inside is totally not cool.
...and he either goes outside or moves on to another activity. If it's thrown in anger I'll suggest some cooling down time and say something like "dd, I know ds is teasing you, but it's still not ok to throw anything at him. I think you should go take some time and come back when you've got it under control". And she'll either get it together or go up to her room for however long (sometimes seconds, sometimes an hour) and come down when she's ready to deal with him.
There are also certain toys that they just can't seem to not throw. These are outside toys and are kept out of regular toys...for outside use only. Any toy that is perpetually thrown ends up in this container.
With my youngest...I know he understands about the throwing in the house thing, but he's still young and impulsive. I generally just remind him and/or redirect him and if it gets to be an issue the toy gets a time out worded something like "wow, that toy really wants to be thrown! Let's put it up until it can calm down" and depending on his reaction it may be followed by a "hey! Look! A chipmunk!"
Acutally, these things tend to work really well.
I'll be interested to see what other people would do...