Originally Posted by Piglet68
So what if someone told you that you could have such tools up your sleeve that didn't involve punishment (and I think timeout is a punishment, wouldn't you agree?) would you want to try it?
Sure! As long as they don't involve martyrdom on my part or giving up things I feel are important. And honestly, I've asked and asked around here so I feel I know the lay of the land where tools up your sleeve are concerned.
I've gotten a lot of great idea - for example, we were having drama with getting dressed in the morning. So now I get the little bugger dressed before bed, conflict solved. Easier for me, she thinks it's hilarious. Amazing advice.
But there are a few things where the solutions suggested are just too out there for me. On the shoes, I've gotten "why don't you blow bubbles on the way out to the car" - no. "Carry her!" - no. "Well, do you have to really go out, anyway?" - yes.
I really am in a place where I am comfortable with the places I set firm limits and do parent imposed consequences - unless there is something else DOABLE that would be more gentle.
Doable is a big one. I have extra energy in my life for strategizing better solutions, but not for significantly more labour intensive practices, if that makes sense. I'm tired, kwim? I'm maxxed out. I am right now putting out the maximum output of energy I can with my child without feeling used up and resentful. I don't feel those things, but I have in the past, and I know what I need to do to keep the balance so I can keep the peaceful loving mama feeling, which really is such an important thing in our relationship, more important than whether I said, "okay, then that will be timeout" this morning over the shoes.
So yeah, if in any given situation there is something else doable, for ME, not for what other people think I should be able to perk it up to do, I'm in.
eta - Wow, did I say "doable" enough?