A couple of questions/issues

[greenhaven]

Good morning! I have been stumbling through my boys' teen years (16 and 14) and finally have realized that I might have as few as two years left with the older!

Issue #1: How do you balance school/job? What are some guidelines you may have laid down for a teen who wants to work part-time? And do you insist on their putting a portion into savings?

Issue#2: How do you know your teen is on track for learning how to take care of himself in "the real world?" I am so concerned that I left "holes" in his training.

[MillingNome]

I need time think about this but just wanted you to know I will write more later. I'm betting a number of other people are in the same boat never fun having 60 views and no help!

[greenhaven]

Originally Posted by iamthesmilingone

I need time think about this but just wanted you to know I will write more later. I'm betting a number of other people are in the same boat never fun having 60 views and no help!

Thanks for the encouragement, especially since I am new. I guess it was a bit of a chunk to chew on!

[BelovedK]

Originally Posted by greenhaven

Good morning! I have been stumbling through my boys' teen years (16 and 14) and finally have realized that I might have as few as two years left with the older!

Issue #1: How do you balance school/job? What are some guidelines you may have laid down for a teen who wants to work part-time? And do you insist on their putting a portion into savings?

Issue#2: How do you know your teen is on track for learning how to take care of himself in "the real world?" I am so concerned that I left "holes" in his training.

Hi

I just had the realization that my (mar 3rd) 12 yo will only be home for another 4 years and freaked (am freaking) so I can only imagine how you must be feeling. I worry about things like cooking, cleaning and basic living skills as he is very resistant to anything I try to teach him. I couldn't not answer but we're not at that point yet. With school being the way it is, I can hardly imagine there being time for a job. We don't homeschool because he didn't want to, plus he has some special needs that are a whole other thread

Good luck and I hope others will have some good responses for you.

[greenhaven]

Beloved, one thing I HAVE done with my boys is get them involved in the kitchen. They are much less resistant than yours seems to be, but they are, just the same, fairly uninterested!

It helped when I let them choose what we were going to have for dinner (not dessert, ha ha!), plan the menu, gave them money to shop for ingredients, and was right there beside them as preparations began.

I didn't give them a choice! I certainly don't want them using as an excuse for eating junk all the time : "But I don't know how to cook/what to make!" They'll still eat junk when they are gone, but it won't be because I dropped the ball in the kitchen department!

Now, if that were the largest of my concerns! :

[Buddhamom]

I have a 17 yr. old DD that is graduating thisyear and a 15 yr. old who is graduating next year (a year early) so i know how you feel.

Issue #1: How do you balance school/job? What are some guidelines you may have laid down for a teen who wants to work part-time? And do you insist on their putting a portion into savings?
They are ONLY allowed to work weekends and holidays, unless Summer than they can work as much as the la allows. My oldest has direct deposit so it automatically goes there. But they both have joint accounts with me and have to bring receipts when they purchase something just so we know what they are purchasing because we had an issue with one buying stuff for friend who never paid her back. My ldest has over 5000.00 saved since starting in Sept. and my 15 yr. old have about 2000.00 saved (she spends a lot more do to being a competative figure skater)

Issue#2: How do you know your teen is on track for learning how to take care of himself in "the real world?" I am so concerned that I left "holes" in his training.
I don't know! All I can do is give/teach them the skills to be a good citizen and hope they remember and if they make mistakes, hope they will be small ones that aren't hurtful to them and others.

[Arduinna]

Mine is 17. Of course she may choose to leave home at 18 as she will be an adult then, I'm not expecting that. And being a parent doesn't end at 18, although the relationship will change. So I am here if there is more that she needs help with.

[MillingNome]

Originally Posted by greenhaven

Good morning! I have been stumbling through my boys' teen years (16 and 14) and finally have realized that I might have as few as two years left with the older!

Issue #1: How do you balance school/job? What are some guidelines you may have laid down for a teen who wants to work part-time? And do you insist on their putting a portion into savings?

When my ds get their first jobs we've talked to them about saving a little money from each check. If you want an easy way to do it, maybe you can encourage them to have money auromatically deducted and put into with a 401k or education savings account (can't remember the name of the federally allowed one, the one that won't get taxed

Issue#2: How do you know your teen is on track for learning how to take care of himself in "the real world?" I am so concerned that I left "holes" in his training.

I think you can try your best to give them as much practice as possible. Keep asking them questions and challenging them to plan ahead. In the end you can never know for sure because even though you may have tried you best, they are their own person at that point and thus human, prone to mistakes. I plan on keeping the door and phone lines wide open once my kiddos ( sob ) move out.

HTH

[smillerhouse]

My son is 16. He has an allowance and a check card-I help him weekly wiht his budget. He is a responsible driver. I sitll see the process of wings being quite a few more years. Sallie

[Ruthla]

I think it's inevitable that there will be "holes" in his training- and he'll fill those in all by himself by making mistakes and learning from them. All you can do is your best!

[nolonger]

dd will be 18 in three weeks. She does not drive, because of the cost of auto insurance where we live, and she also doesn't budget well enough to pay for her own bus pass. I pay for tuition, rent, books, transportation, some of her food, and some of her clothing. She does her own laundry and cooking, but she generally leaves me the dishes to wash and when her room becomes a health hazard, I still clean it.

There is no way she appears to be prepared to live independantly without making a few mistakes and needing to be bailed out from time to time.

I'm hoping that her dbf will choose to move in here for a few years rather than have her move out with him. There will be a huge savings on gas for them as well as a savings on my sanity. I don't really have any say in the matter, though, so I can only love her and hope for the best.

[greenhaven]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

I think it's inevitable that there will be "holes" in his training- and he'll fill those in all by himself by making mistakes and learning from them. All you can do is your best!

This seems to be the general consensus among all you who have replied here...and thanks, because it is a healthy understanding. I guess we could spend every waking moment on their "training" and they will still find their own way...sometimes with bumps. But, like buddhamom said:

if they make mistakes, hope they will be small ones that aren't hurtful to them and others.

A-MEN!

[smillerhouse]

issue number 1:balancing school and job and budgeting.

Currently, I want him to focus on his academics. I don't want a minimum wage job to take preceedence over him doing the work to obtain higher education. I have him work around here which he does sporadically. I think it depends on the level of time management and focus. For me, the education comes first and budgeting realsitcally around this is a life skill. Currently (he is still homeschooled) his academics take up around 18 hours a week and he fences (the sport) inclusing helping lead classes about 8 hours a week. I give him a certain amount weekly that he is expected to manage. If he falls short (as often does), he is expected to work for it.This is a skill and takes time and is a process. he has come eons since the fall concerning this. It is hard for me at time to step back and have him do it HIS way, in HIS time (within realistic limits) Sallie

[smillerhouse]

How do you know your teen is on track for learning how to take care of himself in "the real world?" I am so concerned that I left "holes" in his training.

Again, I see this as a process. I am extremly connected to him. He can always call me from a cellphone like if some shopping dilemna comes up,like it does at times. If there seem to be holes, I can advocate and address these issues. To me, it is a lot like toddlers. Yo-yo all the way. Swing out,swing back. Fly awhile, and then back to the roots for more nurture and acceptance and then fly back out.
I do have a different view from what I see genrally though. He won't be going away for college -will be living at home. As I have always homeschooled except for one year, it seems t be a more gradual time PROCESS vs. he is a certain age now, BYE.
I do struggle with this a lot It is important I don't compare and do what is in the best intrests of him and true to my style. I need to keep trusting my intution.I try to be realsitic and responsive just like I always have in AP. Sallie

[halfpintwil]

Originally Posted by greenhaven

Good morning! I have been stumbling through my boys' teen years (16 and 14) and finally have realized that I might have as few as two years left with the older!

Issue #1: How do you balance school/job? What are some guidelines you may have laid down for a teen who wants to work part-time? And do you insist on their putting a portion into savings?

We did not allow our oldest two - now 22 and 19- to get a job before they were 17 (this is also when we allowed them to get their license). We made them understand that if their job interfered with their schoolwork, that the job would end. They also were still required to keep up with their chores, which included doing their own laundry (including sheets/towels) and general upkeep. We asked that they each put at least 50% of their money in savings, both of them saved about 80% and most of what they didn't save was spent on gas and insurance.

Originally Posted by greenhaven

Issue#2: How do you know your teen is on track for learning how to take care of himself in "the real world?" I am so concerned that I left "holes" in his training.

We assign them practical tasks from life over the years - this begins at a young age though. When something in the house breaks, they would help me or their dad repair it. They help change the oil, spark plugs, fluids, and rotate tires on the car, and before they are allowed to drive they will have done all of the above at least once with little help from us. Since I home educate, they get three months of handling the family finances - usually in 8th or 9th grade - that primarily means paying all the bills (on time) and balancing the checkbook. They were never allowed to borrow for items, and often found that by saving up they were able to get a better deal or item by the time they had enough money. They have had to complete their own taxes - with my assistance and/or review.
As others have said, there will still be holes, but they will learn from their own experiences and hopefully not make major mistakes. One thing that has helped my oldest son is that he does come to us for advice, and has avoided a few mistakes that way - plus watching some of the mistakes his friends have made.
Best of luck,
Dawn

[Jessy1019]

Just remembering my own teen years here . . . my kids aren't there yet but I intend to handle things the same . . .

Issue 1: My money from my job was mine to use as I chose. I worked part-time junior year and full time senior year. My schoolwork didn't suffer, and I loved my job. I paid for my own gas, entertainment, and random stuff, my mom paid for clothes and food (most of the time). By the time my kids are that age, I will be encouraging them to work -- hopefully a meaningful job or volunteer work -- and pursue independent study.

Issue 2: I was crazy independent at that age, but I think it was because I ws treated like an adult from early childhood. I'm doing the same with my kids. If I were you, I'd start increasing the level of trust and responsibility you give your teens, and see how they do. They may surprise you in a good way!

[woobysma]

I'm still a few years off from this. DS1 is 9 and I'm already a little freaked that he's "half-way done" being a kid

As for school vs. work, I think pt jobs are great for kids, but school should always come first. I plan on letting DS have a job when he's 17, although I hope that he finds something to do volunteer-wise before that. HS kids in our neighborhood can referee sports, which I think DS would like and my sister volunteered at an animal shelter when she was 15.

As for taking care of himself in the "real world" (as if his world wasn't real now I always get a kick out of that saying): he has chores that benefit the family. In our house, we put a big focus on helping out. He knows how to cook several things and sort laundry and clean up after himself. I don't want him to grow up thinking that dishes and clothes clean themselves or that a magic fairy comes in at night and cleans up stuff and pays the bills. He's really interested in stuff now, so we've talked about things like car repairs and credit and grocery shopping/meal planning. It's stuff a 9 yo really doesn't need to know, but I think it's good for him to have an idea about the stuff that goes into running a household, even if he doesn't have to be responsible for any of it right now.

There are a couple things I really wish my parents had taught me before I left home: mainly financial stuff (like how a credit score works) and how to budget money.

Oh, and I am so greatful that my dad taught me about cars - it's saved me from being taken advantage of by mechanics several times.