Homebirth after a Hospital Experience

[joliebebe]

I had my first child in a birthing centre, where intervention is not pushed but is there if you ask for it. I stayed home through 3 days of mild contractions and went to the centre after my waters broke and contractions became very painful. I had originally wanted a water birth or at least to labour in the water, but that plan quickly went out the window as when we arrived the midwife had already ordered an epidural. I was on my back, surrounded by strangers and totally freaked out. I thought I was prepared enough for this, but when you are actually there, its completely different. I had the epidural and after 6 more hours, my son was born without dificulty or other interventions.

Afterwards I felt like I had betrayed myself for not having the birth I had planned, not to mention just not being able to stand up for myself, in the face of all these pushy woman. My mother had all her babies in a hospital, but with out any intervention or pain med and but she didnt feel confident for me, and basically freaked out the whole time. She was actually the worst person to have around. My husbands mother had all her 5 children at home, and with no complications, but for some reason my dh is scared of a homebirth and encouraged me to have ds1 in a hospital. He is not supportive of my desire to have a homebirth with the next baby.

But I dont want to go down the same path again, and come out feeling like I failed myself, so Im going ahead in planning homebirth for our next baby. I feel that the pain I experienced was increased and magnified by being at the hospital, the midwives totally undermining my ability to deal with the pain, not offering advice about positions etc, and having people in the room that were scared for me etc.... its really not conducive for having a natural birth.

I guess what I want to know is, if you had a homebirth after a hospital experiece that was less than desirable, how did you cope with fears about it going wrong or unbearable pain or the attitudes of negative people, or partners that were not supportive?

Any experiences or advice would be greatly appreciated!

[Mama~Love]

I had my first 5 kids in the hospital. I just had #6 at home in December. None of the hospital births were terrible experiences at the time, but looking back & thinking through them, there were things I would've done a lot different. I really wish I had had them at home knowing what I know now, but you can't change the past.

My DH was totally against having a homebirth. But this was something I really wanted, so I stood my ground. There is only 1 midwife around here, and she's wonderful. She had really eased my DH's fears & concerns. The more he talked with her, the more comfortable he was. His main fear was being so far from a big hospital. He had talked to the head Dr. here at our small hospital on what to do in an emergency, and the Dr. said to just come here. We had thought we'd need to go 45 miles to the big hospital, instead of 10 to our small one. So knowing that really helped DH be comfortable.

I wish I had found our MW 5 years ago when I first moved to this area when I was PG with #4. I didn't get any negative comments from anybody. My mom was actually supportive of it, which shocked me. She told me how her & her siblings were all born at home. Thought that was neat. But my mom had 7 hospital births. She never said if she wished she'd had us at home. I didn't want to pry too far.

The best thing you can do is read, read, read. And talk with your DH about it. If my DH can be convinced, I'm sure yours can too. My DH is all about medical & technology, think Dr.'s know everything, and to trust them completely. So the idea of having a HB to him was just plain dangerous, and careless. But once he met our MW and had all his "what if" questions answered, he was OK with it. And at the birth, he was in panic mode somewhat, probably because it went so fast (3 hours), but afterwards he was saying how nice it was not to have to go anywhere, and all the hassle of that (finding someone to watch the kids & all that).

Good luck with planning a HB next time!! If we have more kids, they will definitely be born at home too!

[angington]

I had a home birth after a hospital epi birth. I honestly had no fear going into my home birth. All the reading I did, movies I watched, the care of my mw, my hypnosis cd's, all confirmed I was making the right decision. I was confident in my body's ability to birth and my mw's ability to handle any complications. I never felt so positive and at peace in my whole life.

I was lucky that my dh and mother were very supportive. Anyone else that had doubts pretty much kept them to themselves.

I'm sorry you had such an unsupportive mw for your first birth. Your birth team really has an affect on the type of birth you get. My advice would be to try to identify any specific fears you and your dh have and discuss them with a home birth mw. Make him come with you. Also read everything you can get your hands on regarding natural birth and home birth.

[birthjunkie27]

I had a hospital birth with my first. I had planned on it being completely intervention free, but it didn't work out that way. We'd taken Bradley classes beforehand. My water broke at 36 weeks so I automatically "needed" IV fluids and monitering. My labor was done mostly in bed and although I didn't get an epidural, I did accept one dose of Nubain in my IV because the nurse kept pestering me about it and I just wanted her to shut up.

With #2 I decided halfway through the pregnancy that I wanted a homebirth. Dh was against it, but he didn't do any research, so the decision was ultimiately mine. He reallllllly didn't like the idea, but he went along with it. My mom was very supportive because she had me and my brother at home. Like a pp said, I had no fears because of all the reading I'd done/movies I'd watched/ mental preperation.

I completely agree that being in the hospital could have contributed to the pain AND the length of labor.

After the homebirth my dh couldn't stop raving about how great it was and he is now a homebirth advocate.

Needless to say, our third was also born at home and any more that we have will also be born at home.

[riversong]

My dd was born in a hospital after 20 hours of labor and a homebirth transfer. I pushed forever and finally had a vacuum delivery. Not what I wanted, but I had tried everything else. My ds was born at home easily in four hours. I'm so glad I trusted that things would be different the second time. My dh was supportive, but I was really worried and was afraid of failing at homebirth. I saw a therapist just once who specializes in pregnancy and birth. She helped me face my fears and feelings of guilt and it really helped. I got scared when I started pushing, but I was honest with my midwife about my fears and she talked me through it. I say go for it! The second time really is different. Find a midwife you trust and love and bring your dh to your appointments so he can hear from her how safe homebirth is. Good luck!

[birthjunkie27]

I should have added that my hospital birth was 19 hours long with 4 hours of pushing and she was my smallest baby, at 6lbs 12oz.

My 2nd (and first homebirth) was a 4 hour labor including about 30min of pushing. He was 8lbs 12oz. A FULL 2 pounds bigger than #1. And soooooooo much easier birth.

My 3rd (and second homebirth) was about 6 hours of labor and about 30min pushing. She was 9lbs 14oz. BIG. And again, another very easy labor and birth.

I definately feel that being at home provides for a much easier, relaxed atmosphere which makes labor more productive and faster.

[Mama~Love]

Originally Posted by birthjunkie27

I should have added that my hospital birth was 19 hours long with 4 hours of pushing and she was my smallest baby, at 6lbs 12oz.

My 2nd (and first homebirth) was a 4 hour labor including about 30min of pushing. He was 8lbs 12oz. A FULL 2 pounds bigger than #1. And soooooooo much easier birth.

My 3rd (and second homebirth) was about 6 hours of labor and about 30min pushing. She was 9lbs 14oz. BIG. And again, another very easy labor and birth.

I definately feel that being at home provides for a much easier, relaxed atmosphere which makes labor more productive and faster.

The bold is mine. ITA with this! My other labors were anywhere from 5-9 hours long, but the one at home was only 3! I was DEFINITELY more relaxed at home. It just felt so NORMAL to me while it was happening. I remember DH asking how I was doing, and if we should call the MW. I said yeah, better call her, and the MW asked if she should come. At first I thought no, but then changed my mind & said yes. Good thing too, baby arrived about 45 minutes after she got here! It still amazes me, and I'm so glad I got to have a homebirth!

[joliebebe]

Thanks for all your encouragement!! I love to hear of successful homebirths, it gives me so much more confidence.
My first birth, although in a hospital and stressful, was actually pretty straightforward. I had 6 hours of active labour, and 40 mins of pushing. What Im afraid of though is the pain. I know that I can always go to the hospital if it gets too bad, but thats beside the point really as I dont want painmed. I havnt got my head around coping with the pain, and never needed to as the epidural was so *conveniently* arranged. Apparently I have a very low pain tresh-hold, but I dont know if that really has so much to do with it, Im sure its more of a mental attitude and preparation etc.

[birthjunkie27]

I've often wondered what constitutes a low pain threshold. Or how one can measure their pain threshold for that matter. I don't like pain. I cry when I stub my toe or get a paper cut. I'm a big baby! But when it comes to the pain of labor and birth, I look at that completely differently. It's pain with a purpose. It's your body working hard to get your baby out. And isn't what this is ultimately about? Getting your baby out so you can meet them and hold them and hug them and love them? This isn't just like going in for a root canal (as so many people compare it too, LOL!). This is GIVING BIRTH and getting a BABY at the end of it.

So, instead of looking at it as pain, try looking at it as hard work. I hope that makes sense.

Also, being prepared ahead of time helps tremendously. Knowing what to expect in terms of when you'll be feeling what throughout labor. Also, it helps to be prepared with lots of "tricks", or non medicinal pain relief techniques (massage, counter pressure, deep relaxation, water in the form of tub or shower, music, aromatherapy, etc...). Having a bag of tricks is really important, but you might find that you don't use all or any of your tricks. It's ok to go deep within yourself to deal with the hard work of labor.

[mwherbs]

2 hospital births 2 home births--- I love home birth-

[riversong]

For me, just taking it one contraction at a time helped me deal with the pain. I found birth to be painful, but totally doable. Being at home with no drugs around you can't just cave in and get the epidural. You'd have to get in the car and drive to the hospital and wait for the anesthesiologist. I think all that effort would be more annoying than staying home and giving birth while feeling the pain. When I was in the middle of a contraction, I would think about how much easier it would be to give birth while feeling no pain, so I can understand why women get epidurals. When the contraction would end I knew I could do another one, though. I bet your birth will be pretty fast this time if your first one was only about 7 hours. You can do it.

[skyblufig]

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