mamamelia, I understand what your going through, my dad died Jan 22, 2005 of a massive Heart Attack. I was living in boston at the time 1.5hrs away from home and just happened to be volunteering in NH for the day, 2.5 hrs away. When my mom finally got in toutch with me (the phone rang like 3 complete calls before I picked up) she was crying so hard I did not even know what was going on. My friend drove me down to RI and my hubbie went to meet my mom at the hospital since i am an only child and my moms sisters are ill/live in ME. I kept calling my hubbie to find out what was happening with my dad and he just said it was "bad" but he never told me he had already died and he was with my mom and dad in the ER private room just holding her. When I walked in saw my hubbies face I knew... I literally jumped into his arms and he held me like a baby while I sobbed. It was sooo hard.
We left our jobs in boston and moved in with my mom. She was a mess and still is 2 years later. My dad was 58 so they should have had sooo many more good years together. I get mad/sad so many days but we go on because we have to. The one beautiful thing is that I have my daughter and my mom gets to spend time with her every day. Without her I don't know where we all would be.
take one day at a time and try not to beat yourself up about the things you said/wanted to say just know that somewhere he hears you.
