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You're going to quit soon right?  

post #1 of 19
5/25/03 at 9:11pm
Thread Starter 
Said by my mother in law this weekend about my breastfeeding relationship with my 6.5 month old daughter. She is still exclusively breastfed as she doesn't want any solids. I personally plan to nurse until she wants to stop, so be it if that's 2 years or 6 years. I just looked at her as if she had two heads and said, "I plan to nurse until she's at least 2, most likely longer." She looked horrified. Is it really so hard for people to understand nursing a child of this age? I am already getting weird looks in public (she's big - 20 lbs and long) when she's sprawled across my lap. Ugh, people make me sick!
post #2 of 19
5/26/03 at 12:21am

I share your disgust

Just wanted to say it makes me sick too. It's really been weighing on my mind lately and makes me want to cry when I think about how backwards most people are. My own mother said in her disgusted voice the other day, "He's not going to be nursing much longer is he?" about my 16 mo. old. Meanwhile she sees him ask for his "mee-mees" all the time, it's not like I'm forcing it on him. And for you with such a young baby, that's insane. All these stories come out about how formula is linked to high blood pressure, obesity, etc. yet people aren't publicly disgusted when they see someone formula feed. On a basic level it just doesn't make since...We're doing what's right and normal for our species, yet somedays it feels like everyone thinks you're obscene for doing the best for your baby. I could go on and on. That's so great that you're dedicated to nursing your child as long as she needs to, good for you!
post #3 of 19
5/26/03 at 12:50am
Well, yes, it is seen that way, unfortunately. Before I discovered Mothering and MDC, I was pretty mainstream. The general public just isn't educated about ext. bf. It's sad. But, a 6mo, sheesh! That's ridiculous. 20lbs is not much--my dd#2 weighed that much at 4 mos!!

I'll tell you what bothers me now, as an educated mommy (about bf) are so many children's books promoting bottle feeding! I was reading my dd#1's book about being a big sister (I got it for her when dd#2 was born) yesterday and realized there was only bottle feeding being portrayed. So, I checked a few more around the house--bottle, bottle, bottle. Yuck! I am now on the search for a couple of books with nursing in them. Yes, I bottle-fed my babies after a trying time with nursing but I now feel it's important for them to know that mommies can make good food for their babies with their bodies!

No wonder we're a mess in America! Check out the toy aisle at any store: baby dolls with bottles, standard. Sad, isn't it?

Just my 2 cents.

~Melissa
post #4 of 19
5/26/03 at 12:54am
I know how you feel. Ds is just a year (tomarrow). I was telling my mom how funny I thought it was that he lifts up my shirt now to tell me it's time to nurse and her comment was, that's when it's time to wean. I calmly corrected her by stating that the who and aap now recommend two years plus. I also feel a little out of sorts at church. Anyone who nurses past six months is extreme. I don't have any problems nursing him though I sit in the mother's room and let all see, I have gotten a couple compliments and one person asked "are you one of those women who breastfeed until they are 8?" I just told her I doubt either one of us would nurse that long but I will nurse him as long as he wants.
Sorry to get off on a tanget I've just been thinking about this lately. But the longer we nurse and the more we nurse in public the more normalized it makes it.
post #5 of 19
5/26/03 at 12:49pm
Quote:
I was reading my dd#1's book about being a big sister (I got it for her when dd#2 was born) yesterday and realized there was only bottle feeding being portrayed. So, I checked a few more around the house--bottle, bottle, bottle. Yuck!
I can't remember what it's called, but William and Martha Sears have a childrens book about having a new baby. It shows the mom and dad going to a birthing center and then breastfeeding. It never discusses formula or bottles as a feeding method. I'm going to get it for my dd.

peace, Beth
post #6 of 19
5/26/03 at 5:44pm
There is a book by Mister Rogers called The New Baby that shows a baby bfing (also one bottle feeding : ) that I got for my ds and he seems to really enjoy it. He probably thinks it's a Grammy giving the bottle to the baby since he's seen his Grammy do that with his brothers .
post #7 of 19
5/26/03 at 5:58pm
ds2 is almost 14 months and I still nurse without reservation in public. We live in Massachusetts, and just moved to the Amherst/Northampton area, so it's even more laid-back here.

No looks, so far, that I've noticed. I get more looks when I wear him in my sling at a mall, actually.

I too have made comments about how he searchees for the breast now, and knows how to pull up my shirt. My MIL doesn't think it's cute, though. She's supportive of nursing, but thinks that we hold him too much and that's why he doesn't go to her easily. Um, no, it's because eventhough she lived 10 minuites from us she couldn't find time once a week to stop by for long enough for him to warm up to her. Now, we've just moved across the globe, in her eyes (it's really only an hour away). Bottom line: she seems to view the extended nursing as an impediment to her being close to him. Wrong. He's just not around her enough.

My DH's aunt raised her eyebrows the other day when I nursed him, but not in a negative way--more of an approving surprise.

I'm forging a path--ds2 has nursed longer than any other child in the family. Hopefully someone will break our record!

When/if someone asked me that question I'd say "I don't know when he'll stop nursing." That's the truth.
post #8 of 19
5/27/03 at 1:43am
gurumama,

About a year ago, I remember reading about a law that was being considered in Mass. that would clarify the right of a woman to breastfeed in public AS LONG AS THE CHILD IS UNDER 3 YEARS OF AGE I was wondering if you have been following this. Do you know what happened with this bill? I hope it was defeated! Or, rather, I hope the section about the age limit was deleted and the law saying that women have the right to bf in public passed!
post #9 of 19
5/27/03 at 1:06pm
There must be something in the air (see my recent post about my mom's comment about bf).

Quote:
My MIL doesn't think it's cute, though. She's supportive of nursing, but thinks that we hold him too much and that's why he doesn't go to her easily. Um, no, it's because eventhough she lived 10 minuites from us she couldn't find time once a week to stop by for long enough for him to warm up to her. Now, we've just moved across the globe, in her eyes (it's really only an hour away). Bottom line: she seems to view the extended nursing as an impediment to her being close to him. Wrong. He's just not around her enough.
gurumama - are you married to my brother (LOL)?!? This is exactly how my mom feels (except she actually lives far away, so there is an excuse for her not seeing dd very often).
post #10 of 19
5/28/03 at 3:45pm
It really must be something in the air!

I've been working on my MIL, the pediatrician for a long time now. At least, she finally understands that dd will wean when she's ready, but she still tells patients that, "when they walk over and lift up your shirt, it's time to wean." Grrr.

And, this is compounded by the fact that it takes dd a couple of days each visit to warm up to her. But, dd is not quite 14 months, it takes that long with everyone.

I like what my own ped. said: "If they're playing Little League and need to nurse between innings, it might be time to cut back a little." He is totally supportive of bf and co-sleeping. I love this man!
post #11 of 19
5/28/03 at 11:25pm

GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY!!!

I must admit to making these stupid & un-enlightened comments! Not in reference to others, but to myself -- but still.

I remember being preggo & my mil asking how long I would nurse (she is of the opinion that I will want to quit once I get the first feel of teeth), and I said "well, when he comes running up saying "boobie, mommie," then we're about done!"

I am finding that the more I research about ebfing and am here, I realize just how completely silly these comments are. Not to mention how harmful it is to perpetuate this sad Americanized norm.

So I go on & on -- shaking my head at myself & continually saying to my dh "well, I was totally wrong & this is what I'm planning, now..." I've learned to qualify everything with "at this point -- I may find myself wrong & change later, though "
post #12 of 19
5/29/03 at 12:38am
well i got the first of it today from my family.
dd is 7 mos old and my fam is pressuring me about when she is going to eat table food and then my grampa says what are you going to do that (yes, can't bring himself to say nurse : ) until she's two!!
i said well the who blah blah blah and the enzymes until 18 mos bblah blah....
hmmm uphill battles, but the kidos are worth it
post #13 of 19
5/29/03 at 3:49pm
Quote:
Originally posted by glad2bhome


I'll tell you what bothers me now, as an educated mommy (about bf) are so many children's books promoting bottle feeding! I was reading my dd#1's book about being a big sister (I got it for her when dd#2 was born) yesterday and realized there was only bottle feeding being portrayed. So, I checked a few more around the house--bottle, bottle, bottle. Yuck! I am now on the search for a couple of books with nursing in them.

~Melissa

ahhhhh finally somewhere i can help ... lemme dig up a couple names of books
post #14 of 19
5/29/03 at 7:11pm
This website sells kids' books with nursing, family bed, etc.
http://www.attachmentscatalog.com/

Also the La Leche League catalog
http://www.lalecheleague.org/catalog.html


Book lists here
http://www.kellymom.com/bookstore/kids.html
post #15 of 19
5/29/03 at 10:57pm
Oh wow, that must be really frustrating...Everyone supports my decision to continue b/feeding..I am sorry they expect you to wean your child considering she is only half way to the recommendation age of minimum b/f or f/f anyway..
post #16 of 19
5/29/03 at 11:26pm
Oh, my MIL is great with nursing most of the time--it's just that she's never been able to connect with Reilly the way she connected with my 4 yo, Ben. They have very different personalities and I was a different kind of mom to Ben--more distant, sadly. Reilly is VERY attached to me and doesn't easily go to his Oma. So, she's been making little comments here and there lately. I'm calling her on them, though, and confronting it in a friendly manner. Inviting her to visit helps--then when she's "too busy" I can always say, "Well, we'd love to have you visit so he can keep warming up to you." That putsa the ball squarely in her court.

That comment about the Massachusetts law and the 3 year age limit--hmmmm. Let me research that one. Grrrr..... What Masshole thought that one up?

edited to add: looks like the MA law never went through--which leaves MA with no breastfeeding laws at all.
post #17 of 19
5/30/03 at 1:23am
Phew! What a relief! Of course, it would have been better if they had just deleted the 3 yr age limit language and passed a law acknowledging a woman's right to breastfeed in public, but I'd prefer silence from the law on this issue to an age limit.

What we need is an amendment to the Federal Civil Rights Act universally recognizing every woman's right to breastfeed in public any time any place, no matter the age of the child or the amount of breast/nipple showing. Then it wouldn't matter what the states did or didn't do.
post #18 of 19
5/30/03 at 1:27am
Phew! What a relief! Of course, it would have been better if they had just deleted the 3 yr age limit language and passed a law acknowledging a woman's right to breastfeed in public, but I'd prefer silence from the law on this issue to an age limit.

What we need is an amendment to the Federal Civil Rights Act universally recognizing every woman's right to breastfeed in public, no matter the age of the child or the amount of breast/nipple showing. Then it wouldn't matter what the states did or didn't do.
post #19 of 19
5/30/03 at 2:20pm
It is quite irritating, isn't it? My mom was great, as she nursed us till we were nearly 4 yo. My MIL was a bottle feeder, and I think at the beginning assumed I would wean at the "normal" 6 weeks, 6 months, or whatever. She never said anything negative aout it, but did think I was a bit strange. After dd was about 2.5 or 3, it stopped being a conversation topic. Dd just weaned in April, days before her 4th birthday. I am lucky, because she never critisized, just kind of looked at me funny. But now a few years later, she loves me tons as her crazy dil .
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