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My inlaws CUT DD'S HAIR!!!

post #1 of 46
Thread Starter 
And it's not pretty! They just cut in a straight line from ear to ear, and across the forehead. They were watching her while we were out of town for a day (33 hours, our longest time away from her ever!) and they said they had to cut her hair so she could go to church!

That is the dumbest thing I ever heard! What church doesn't allow toddler girls to have long hair?! Her hair was beautiful! Sure, it hung in her eyes a little but it was long enough to put behind her ears. Now we have to wait for it to grow out, and will probably have to cut more off because it's so uneven.

Also, they said "all she would eat was Jello and cookies" which is not true! She eats vegetables and bread and anything we eat. I suppose I could have packed her a lunch, but I did not think I would have to tell her not to cut dd's hair!

Dh said he would talk to her but "not to expect her to apologize; it's just the way my mom is." I can deal with no apology but I don't see how someone thinks that's acceptable in the first place. If we thought it needed to be done, we would have cut it ourselves.

Just why do grandparents think they have the authority parents do? How would they like it if I cut their dog's hair?!
post #2 of 46
I would be livid! My daughter wouldn't be spending any time there unsupervised again, that's for sure. How awful! I'm so sorry
post #3 of 46
Thread Starter 
I actually cried when I saw it. I guess I care more about her looks than I thought I did. I think it's also the fact that dh and I were never asked that is bugging us.

I have been feeling uncomfortable with them lately. I posted another thread about how they would keep her for 4 to 5 hours without changing her diaper, and dh talked to them and they seemed to be better about it but then when I picked her up today she needed to be changed. At least she didn't have a rash, though.

But we had not planned on cutting her hair, ever! That decision should be dd's only.
post #4 of 46
Nope. Never unsupervised ever again. (or at least until she can talk.) You can even tell them so. This is a minor issue but the fact they would not check with you means you can't trust them about larger issues either. It was not their decision to make, period. And the fact that her hair, more than a clean diaper is their priority is totally warped. And haven't they heard of barrettes? That church thing is an excuse. They cut her hair becuase they wanted to. A very bad control symtom.
post #5 of 46
That would irk me no end to have something done to my child while in the care of somebody else. How dare they!

If it bothered them that her hair hung in her eyes have they never heard of barretts or a pony tail or some such hair holding device? To go to church she needed it cut? Never heard of a church that didnt allow long haired people to enter.

I personally feel that I will cut my childs hair until they are capable to tell me how they would like their hair. But that is nether here no there the fact is they violated they way you chose to raise YOUR children.

I wouldnt be waiting for dh to speak to them, the phone line would be red hot from me calling and giving the what for. I also would never have them watch my children again.

WOW! I just cant believe they wouldnt ask and they felt the "need" to cut her hair for whatever reason. The church excuse makes no since to me whatsoever.

Getting off my now. These little fellows show a few of my feelings for this situation.
post #6 of 46
Quote:
Originally posted by momto l&a
These little fellows show a few of my feelings for this situation.
I know this is a serious post, but that made me laugh. I know what you mean. I'm just dumbfounded. I have no idea what I would do in this situation.

I'm so sorry for you. I want to say "at least it will grow back" but that hardly seems like much of a consollation at this point. I agree with the poster who said that it's a control issue - they think they have as much to say about your child as you do, and that's just wrong.
post #7 of 46
Wow, I'd be freaking out. No before or after pictures, no hair saved as a keepsake? But actually, I would just be freaked out because I haven't wanted to cut my daughter's hair much myself--it's always kind of a big deal when I do it. I've trimmed it a few times, and once I actually cut about an inch or two from the ends, and my husband was upset. I can't imagine leaving my daughter with relatives and discovering that they'd taken it upon themselves to give her a new hairstyle. What's next, taking her to get her ears pierced?
post #8 of 46
Wow, I would be floored. When ds had really long hair, my MIL would tell my dh that she and he could take ds to get his hair cut on the sly, so that I wouldn't know. Of course dh told me this and had no plans to do this with her, but even that irked me, that she somehow thought she had the right to sneak behind my back with my own son! (At least she consulted dh though.)

I agree with others - these people would no longer be left unsupervised with my child. Who knows what they will do next?
post #9 of 46
I would explain that it was unacceptable and they will not be allowed unsupervised visits anymore. Also, supervised visits will be stopped if they continue to show that level of disrespect.

When I was 3, my grandpa cut my hair. My mom flipped out on him and he never tried to do anything like that again. I don't remember this, but I've heard the story several times. Gives me quite a chuckle now.....
post #10 of 46
I would be super pissed! I wouldn't leave her with them again and I'd tell them why.
post #11 of 46
OMG I would be furious. Mama Bear would be coming out of the cave and going after them if they tried that on my girls!!!
post #12 of 46
I would be utterly enraged.
I AM utterly enraged and it isn't even my kid!

That is such a violation. Definitely no more unsupervised visits.
post #13 of 46
Quote:
Nope. Never unsupervised ever again. (or at least until she can talk.) You can even tell them so. This is a minor issue but the fact they would not check with you means you can't trust them about larger issues either. It was not their decision to make, period. And the fact that her hair, more than a clean diaper is their priority is totally warped. And haven't they heard of barrettes? That church thing is an excuse. They cut her hair becuase they wanted to. A very bad control symtom.
I think Clarity took the words right out of my mouth! And I full well remember the posts about how they didnt' change your dd's diapers....what will be the next scenario? Don't find out!
post #14 of 46


That is so disrespectful! I would be very, very(!) pissed too. I also don't think you should let them watch your dd anymore, especially on top of the diaper issue.
post #15 of 46
I would be PISSED!!!!!!!!!!

Honestly, I think that is the END of unsupervised visits.

What will they do next? get her ears Peirced???

I am so sorry they did this to you.This is Just WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!!!!I would not wait around for oyur husband to talk to them..I would be SURE to tell them they LOSE and NO MORE time alone with her until they get their shit togethor and realise that she is YOUR daughter!!!Not theirs!!!!!


Honestly, how awful a thing to do to someone.

Don't you all live in Oregon????I could recomend some good babysitters..myself included..who would NEVER do something so garishly rude a cut your own kids hair.

I mean..Good Lord..its not as if she somehow got gum in her hair and it was a last resort type thing.

I am mad enought to spit..lemme at um....!!!!!!

post #16 of 46
Ok, my own father who rarely ever gets upset was LIVID with my mom for cutting my hair short without consulting him first, and she was my mom, and I was 6. So you have even more of a right to be pissed. That is not their right at all.
post #17 of 46
Thread Starter 
Well, dh called his mom back and told her that it wasn't OK and in the future to ask us before making lasting decisions like that, and he said all she could say was "mm hmm" the whole time. She really didn't see anything wrong with it. Dh told me grandparents are notorious for that sort of thing. I do remember reading a Dear Abby where the same thing happened, but I thought grandparents were all about giving kids junk food and toys that their parents wouldn't let them have, or buying them weird clothes. That I could deal with occasionally, but I keep thinking "Is there anything else that should be common sense but that apparently isn't that I have to tell them not to do?"

What if we had a boy and they took him to get circed?!

I think stopping the unsupervised visits for a while is a good idea, and not leaving her on anymore overnight visits with them.
post #18 of 46
I would be furious with the grandparents for this; mine or his. The fact that she wouldn't acknowledge your dh's concerns on the phone would also make me VERY uncomfortable...like she doesn't give a flying fig what either of you think. For me, that would shatter any trust I had.

I definitely would stop the unsupervised visits, but I wouldn't want to lose my temper, so I would say calmly that the visits are on hold until you are comfortable that they respect your role as a parent. That way you have a choice, and they have the ball, so to speak.

They need to earn your trust back!

Jen
post #19 of 46
i agree with alstrameria. they need to earn back your trust, what they did was horrible. they seem to have little regard for you. and as far as the no diaper changing post, i remember reading that, whoowee, that is beyond horrible.
post #20 of 46
I would be pitching a FIT!!!!!!

Grandparents do sometimes overstep their bounds, but that doesn't make it ok. Believe me my mother and MIL know right where the bounds are and don't dare cross them anymore. It is a control issue and these are MY babies.

I think your ILs need to acknowlege they did something wrong or not see your dd alone again. I wouldn't trust them at all. If they never "get" what they did wrong, next time it would just be something else. And you can never predict everything you wouldn't want them to do.

Personally I think they do know it was wrong and are just trying to passive aggresively exert control.
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