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My inlaws CUT DD'S HAIR!!! - Page 2

post #21 of 46
Dh told me grandparents are notorious for that sort of thing
Well no not all grandparents. That is not normal behavior for anyone who is sitting for a child. But I'm preaching to the choir here lol. That is really troubling that she was all "umm hmm" -what ever. If she has any brains or sense she knows what she did was wrong, and she doens't care. She thinks it'll eventually blow over and then can exert her control over something else, just because she can. That's my opinion. I"m glad your holding off of visits now. I've BTDT - my MIL is/was a nightmare!!!! To me even letting my kids anywhere near her should consitute abuse, so I see it as protecting my babies.
post #22 of 46
Both my parents and DH's parents have done this.

My mom even did my DD's first haircut WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. I was extremely upset. I mean, extremely. It was UGLY too, uneven and gross and it REALLY didn't need to be done.

When MIL did it we weren't so upset, because we had mentioned a few days earlier that we needed to trim her bangs, and MIL did a good job, nice and even and not too short.

And then, just recently, my mom cut DD's bangs AGAIN without my permission; we were growing them out and were just able to start pulling them back, and she cut them WAY short.

While I was extremely upset with my and DH's parents for this, I would definately not equate it with ear piercing or circing or anything like that. This is NOT PERMANENT. It is not a painful thing. Sure it is a PITA, but it will grow out before you know it, and it is a PITA for you, not for your DD. She probably doesn't know the difference.

I would base this on how your IL's are acting. If they can't even see the point that this is overstepping babysitter bounds, even for grandparents, then I would take the advice not to leave your DD with them anymore. I might even make a few strategic comments if they ask, like "who knows what might get cut off this time?" or "who knows what she'll look like when we get her back this time?"

I can't believe she didn't even apologize. Even my mom, who NEVER says sorry for ANYTHING (seriously), made her first sincere apology to me over doing DD's first haircut without my permission. And the second time, she thought we wanted it done so I can't fault her too much.

I agree with JesseMomme, that if she thinks she can just ummm-hmmm this away and go on to the next thing, it does NOT bode well for her going along with your parenting ideas AT ALL. I would totally not trust her to follow your rules. And I do not, ever, leave my kids with anyone I don't think will respect my parenting style and try to follow it.
post #23 of 46
Thread Starter 
You know what else?

I just tried to even it out, and dd screamed when she saw the scissors. She had not been afraid of them before. That makes me think they probably used some kind of force to get her to hold still. They are your typical '60s parents; they maybe still believe in spankings and all that.

I don't think I will even it out if it's going to scare her. When I was a teenager I was really into cutting my own hair and often made a mess of it, but no matter how bad it looked it always looked good within a week. Maybe dd will have the same kind of hair.
post #24 of 46

I was already completely horrified, but your last post takes it to a whole new level. This is just Wrong with a capital W. "mm-hmm"ing through a conversation with your dh is not gonna cut it (no pun intended.) You are entirely justified in really letting them have it, certainly severely curtailing their access to your dd until they have proven themselves capable. And I mean proven.

I just can't get over it, and I'm not in the least involved! The pure unmitigated gall...
post #25 of 46
Sadly, some MILs have the nerve to go for ear percing
My DD had her ears pierced at 18 months without my knowledge I left her with DH to go to school. MIL came home and took my baby to go shopping... I came back from school to find my baby with her ears pierced She's 12 now and NEVER wear earings (she doesn't like them), and still she regularly get infection in the wounds
post #26 of 46
that is just wrong. i would let that woman know she will NEVER be unattended w/dd again. that is seriously f-ed up.
post #27 of 46
a day later and I am *still* mad about this! Here's an idea...would you have the cash to take her to cartoon cuts or a similar for-kids hair place? It would be totally different than your IL's. she can see videos, play with toys, while they do it. It would be an event and her first "real" haircut. Some kids might find it too overwhelming, but some kids just seem to love the place! You might have her sit on your lap while they do it if she's not ok on her own.

Did I mention how mad I was? And it's not my dd. Those people freak me out! Mean, bad people. Find friends to swap babysitting with. I would not leave my dog with those grandparents until they develop some "respect for your
authori-tay" to paraphase Cartmann. Wish I had his nightstick. Whack Whack Whack! Not very gentle and pacifist of me.

post #28 of 46
Originally posted by Clarity
I would not leave my dog with those grandparents until they develop some "respect for your
authori-tay" to paraphase Cartmann. Wish I had his nightstick. Whack Whack Whack! Not very gentle and pacifist of me.

post #29 of 46

Re: My inlaws CUT DD'S HAIR!!!

Originally posted by Greaseball
they said they had to cut her hair so she could go to church!

Cause you know, the god that gave her the hair in the first place would really be pissed off if she showed up with it in church.


I wouldn't depend on your hubby to express your feelings, I'd do it face to face. And if you get so angry some spittle flies, oh flipping well.



Passive aggressive control freaks.
post #30 of 46
I'm outraged. I say you flip it around on them. My ILs feel so grateful to get to see my dd that they do anything I say. MIL even used cloth diapers with dd even though all 4 of hers used sposies. I was so in love with being a mother that I didn't want to share for a long time. I think dd was probably over a year before they were allowed to babysit (and they live in town.) Now they just follow the rules and apologize for anything they think I might disapprove of (and I mean little things like changing her clothes.)

They don't deserve to be babysitters anymore. They cannot be trusted and they show no remorse which is always a consideration in sentencing. Throw the book at them. Tell your MIL that you appreciate her babysitting for you when you needed it, but that was so far outside the box of acceptable that you don't feel like you can trust her around your dd anymore. You might consider letting her visit while you and dh are home, but anything beyond that is more than you can allow at this point.
post #31 of 46
I'm angry at your in-laws, and I don't even know them! What the H@#L right do they have to take it upon themselves to make that decision?? I would definitely confront them personally, and I would ask them point blank if they used any type of force to keep her still while they cut her hair. If your dd was afraid when she saw the scissors, it sounds like they may have. I like Clarity's idea of taking her to a kids' salon. If she experienced any emotional trauma as a result of your IL's ridiculous behaviour, it might help to alleviate her fear. Come to think of it, my FIL keeps telling dd she needs a haircut- maybe I'd better have a talk with him before the same thing happens here (I wouldn't put it past him)!
post #32 of 46
Originally posted by Valérie.Qc
My DD had her ears pierced at 18 months without my knowledge I left her with DH to go to school. MIL came home and took my baby to go shopping... I came back from school to find my baby with her ears pierced
OMG! My heart rate went up and my breathing got faster when I saw THIS! I'm so angry for you! (Even though I know it was years ago.)

If DD's grandparents ever did this, they would be so close to NEVER seeing her again!

post #33 of 46

Re: My inlaws CUT DD'S HAIR!!!

Originally posted by Greaseball
Just why do grandparents think they have the authority parents do? How would they like it if I cut their dog's hair?!
Er... Hmm... Actually I think the hair belongs to his owner.

post #34 of 46
I am horrified!!! I thought it was bad enough when MIL got my kids hooked on Skippy PB & white bread but HOLY SMOKES!!!! I have never heard of such a thing. I agree with the notion of no unsupervised visits....grandparents or not they give me the creeps!!
post #35 of 46
OMG! LIVID!!! Thats what I am! What is up with all these in-laws who seriously overstep their place?? Well here's some hugs for you from someone who totally can understand having crazy inlaws!
post #36 of 46

Look out. Denny's Seething.

They are amazingly, baroquely, fantastically screwed up in so many, many ways that there really should be a documentary made about them. DO NOT LET THEM NEAR THE KID UNSUPERVISED AGAIN.
Just what kind of church IS that?

For @#$&'s SAKE! Who does a thing like that? And the no-diaper changing. I mean DAMN, girl. Grandparents or not. They are not allowed to have her on their own. Ever. Again.

Thank you.
post #37 of 46
Wow, someone with the same problem as me!!! Not that I'm happy that your MIL did this, I can just sooooooooo relate. DH and I decided a long time ago that my parents would never watch our children unsupervised, and his dad could only watch if his dad's fiance was around too. Won't bog down your thread with ALL the zillions of stupid things they did to warrent that decision. Lets just say it's a safety issue too.

Anyway, all kidding aside, I am so sorry that this happened to you too. I think probation for this sort of offence is the way to go. You gotta nip it in the bud and let the gparents know that these are your kids and that you have the say on all decisions major, minor and everything in between. When your parents can't respect your feelings you really can't afford to let them interfere with your kids. What will they do when your kids are teens? Will they blow off your authority and tell your kids "just come to granny's house and you can do whatever you want"? I know that's a far cry from a hair cut, but they are being disrespectfull to you and that's grounds to wonder where it will go.

Oh, and church is probably the biggest bs excuse I have ever heard. I'd tell her that I don't want my kids attending a church that doesn't love them the way they are. God loves them the way they are and He might be unhappy with the crop job that MIL did to the beautiful locks he gave to DD.
post #38 of 46

I'm going to go OT and say....I'm not perfect, but I come highly recommended by nephews and nieces and 2nd cousins (and their parents) and my son seems to be happy, so the next time you want a little time w/o the little one...howzabout a visit to the New York Museum of Natural History? Send her over, I promise not to do any drastic changes, we eat well, I'll abide by your rules and send back a little girl who doesn't have any new fears because of anything strange I did.

Hmm. Actually, all joking aside, howzabout you all getting farther away from strange people who do unexpected and traumatic things?

And I gotta add two cents about the "church issue"...I know a lot of people who think it against Biblical teaching to let a knife/razor/scissors ever touch the hair. And you should see the state of the hair in the meeting house I go to.: All kinds. Coiffed to shaggy. Whadda wacko.:

edited again to say ... Whoops! I mean the American Museum of Natual History.
post #39 of 46
This is obviously a commentary on your parenting - ie you wouldn't cut her hair so they 'had' to do it. What a slap in the face to you, not to mention the trauma it appears to have been for your your little girl. What horrible communication skills they must have to resort to such tactics. I am so sorry!

I would be so far through the roof I would make it clear that they could not be trusted with her alone anymore and would never allow unsupervised visits henceforth. What they did is just unacceptable.

Hugs to you and your girl,

post #40 of 46
totally unexceptable. Perhaps you can suggest some appropriate grandma behavior. When MIl is irritated by dds hair she takes them to gymborree and splurges on fancy barretts. that is what irritated GM do!!! Not steal thier hair. And further more not give them a bad haircut. For goodness sakes if you must cut the baby's sweet hair spend $10 and take them to freaking Supercuts!


Mother of two children with chronically bad haircuts because dd thinks she is a hairstylist. And yes hair does matter that much.
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