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LDS Mamas and Papas #39 - Page 28

post #541 of 575
Anyway.....

There was a woman in Seattle who was afraid to tell anyone she was pregnant because so many of us were having fertility problems. When I found out, I felt really sad because she was robbed of her right to celebrate and be happy for fear of offending us. That's when I decided I needed to hold back when someone becomes pregnant and complains about it. They need their experiences. They need to be happy and sad without me repressing it.

And I did still have hurty feelings, because all of my sisters got pregnant within their FIRST MONTH OF TRYING. Grrrrrr! Aaaaaarrrrgh! But it's one thing to write about it in my journal and tell my husband. It would be something else if I told them "I don't want to hear about your pregnancy right now."


There are some things that were supposed to happen before a second child came along. One, I just enrolled i college, which is what happened when Connorwas conceived. Also, I just lost ten pounds, which is what happened last time as well. So, my magic fertility combination is to start a weight loss program and try to finish my degree.

We've been slowly transitioning Connor to a bed beside ours, and potty trainig him, and now there's more pressure on that.

The houe is a disaster and we wanted to get rid of at least 1/4 of all our stuff before we added another body to our tiny apartment. I wanted to replenish our savings account.

And I wanted to restart therapy to deal with Connor's birth, and make plans for how to not let it happen again. Even if I have another c-section, it didn't need to be so awful. The doctor was rude, made threats, and even took bets about how big Connor was while he was cutting me open (Connor was less than 8 pounds, so they all lost). He could have been compassionate about the experience but he wasn't.

Most of these are things can still do, but now there's an urgency and time limit. Obvously, the weightloss isn't one of them....
post #542 of 575
Quote:
Originally Posted by alisaterry View Post
The houe is a disaster and we wanted to get rid of at least 1/4 of all our stuff before we added another body to our tiny apartment. I wanted to replenish our savings account.
I hear you on this! I want to declutter, but I just don't know how. It gets too overwhelming. I'll decide to do it, and open up the hall closet. I look at all the stuff in there, and turn around and walk away! Or, let's say I do start it. There is a small tupperware box full of various computer/telephone cords. I'll look at it and have no clue what any of it goes to. Then I think - "well, what if I neeeeeeeed this someday?" And then I turn around and walk away I know Flylady addresses this - I think she says that we need to believe that we'll have the abundance necessary in the future to buy or get anything we need. But that's hard when you've been in the poverty mindset so long! I now realize that there is nothing spiritual or good about keeping myself in that mindset and I'm trying to get over it!

Also, no one look at the time I posted this. tee hee
post #543 of 575
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by klg47 View Post
Also, no one look at the time I posted this. tee hee
What does the time have to do with anything?

ETA: Oh crap! I just remembered! It's Conference Weekend, isn't it?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
post #544 of 575
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewCrunchyDaddy View Post
What does the time have to do with anything?

ETA: Oh crap! I just remembered! It's Conference Weekend, isn't it?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Hee hee - I was thinking that you were making a statement about members thinking they're REQUIRED to listen to conference, like we're a bunch of sheep who just do whatever we're told to!
post #545 of 575
Quote:
Originally Posted by intorainbowz View Post
However, MDC is not an infertiliy support board.
I think that on a non-infertility support board, people are going to post things that you won't see on an infertility support board.
But MDC does have an infertility support forum. It also has due date clubs, a whole pregnancy board, etc. There are specific places to post about specific experiences, but threads like this really belong to everyone, no matter what their challenges, and because of that, sensitivity is needed all around.. I think that's what you're trying to say anyway. But I guess I feel that since this thread is not specifically a pregnancy support thread, and is also not an infertility support thread, that both sides can try to co-exist and walk carefully together. I keep thinking of the phrase, "I am my sister's keeper". I think sometimes we--all of us--get too wrapped up in thinking about ourselves and our needs. I am saying this on both sides of the equation. Pregnant women shouldn't have to walk on eggshells around infertile women.
And infertile women should be able to expect sensitivity as well. We both have to be patient and forgiving with one another, and also be thinking about one another and recognizing the need that we all have for validation and understanding.

Alisa wrote:
Quote:
There was a woman in Seattle who was afraid to tell anyone she was pregnant because so many of us were having fertility problems. When I found out, I felt really sad because she was robbed of her right to celebrate and be happy for fear of offending us. That's when I decided I needed to hold back when someone becomes pregnant and complains about it. They need their experiences. They need to be happy and sad without me repressing it.
I agree with you...but I think it goes both ways. When going through the peak of my infertility/ttc years (and still today to a lesser extent), I spent the vast majority of my time "sucking it up" if you will for the reasons you mentioned. I think most people when going through infertility really do try to not let their pain mar other people's joy. We have to do that every single time we go to church, to enrichment night, to a family gathering, to any activity, really, because pregnancy is everywhere. I think most infertile women go to great lengths to avoid having their trials become the focus of everyone lives. But it's hard. We do it day in and day out sometimes for years on end. You feel like a pot of boiling water with a lid that's just about to blow open because of the pressure of the steam. And then, occasionally, you have a day where you just can't take it anymore, and you let it out with a comment or remark or something. I wonder if Kelly was just having one of those days? And then she got jumped on.
post #546 of 575
So, I got all the way to General Conference, and I can come back!

For anyone who doesn't remember, I "gave up" MDC for a couple of months to try to find more time to do projects with my family and get organized for my calling. Well, we found the time! DH and I and the girls just painted their room today while listening, and we're finishing the trim on Monday, organizing fabric, pillows, recovering their chairs, etc.

We're starting a square foot garden, which we'll be planting on Monday, and I have gotten a bit more "organized" wrt to my new calling (Primary President).

I'm just jumping in right here, which is obviously in the middle of a serious discussion. But I can read again and everything.

So hello!
post #547 of 575
Hi Bekka!

I was excited to log on and see your user name. Welcome back- we've missed you! Congrats on all your finished projects- sounds ambitious!

And on a personal note, are you in the DC area? My little sis who lives in Alexandria is pregnant and needs a good doc. Do you have any recommendations?
post #548 of 575
Quote:
Originally Posted by alisaterry View Post
Not when you're dismissing someone's feelings, no. There's no gentle way to tell someone "hey, you could have it worse." Please consider that next time.
Not to beat a horse that I wished was dead, but I'm very gently with my white flag raised pointing out that that is exactly what you did to me. You totally dismissed the fact that I am hurt by a lot of the comments that were made. I understand that a lot of people on here are suffering and have their own trials, I was just trying to point out that some of you have blessings the rest of us are envious of. In retrospect, I should not have said anything. But there are women here that have had recent miscarriages as well as infertility and I guess a better way to put what I was trying to say would be "I'm sorry you're hurting and frustrated, but remember what a wonderful blessing you have." I'm sorry I wasn't coherent enough to adequately express that. I was in no way trying to dismiss her feelings.


And Laurel, I love you! : I always enjoy your posts, but even more today! Thank you!
post #549 of 575
i'm scared to even post this. i don't want to add fuel to the fire. i'm hoping that it will help us understand why some were so upset by the post. i'm just afraid it will make matters worse. what do you do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelly1216 View Post
Not to beat a horse that I wished was dead, but I'm very gently with my white flag raised pointing out that that is exactly what you did to me. You totally dismissed the fact that I am hurt by a lot of the comments that were made. I understand that a lot of people on here are suffering and have their own trials, I was just trying to point out that some of you have blessings the rest of us are envious of. In retrospect, I should not have said anything. But there are women here that have had recent miscarriages as well as infertility and I guess a better way to put what I was trying to say would be "I'm sorry you're hurting and frustrated, but remember what a wonderful blessing you have." I'm sorry I wasn't coherent enough to adequately express that. I was in no way trying to dismiss her feelings.
Alisa jumped to my defense because what you said was not supportive at all not only towards me but also to anyone who is pregnant and not happy go lucky about it and in need of a shoulder. it didn't even seem like it was trying to be, honestly. i'm not doubting your intentions were good, just saying it didn't come off like that at all. it was said in a way that implied that i should just keep quite and be thankful. when someone needs some kind words the last thing that person wants to hear is 'get over it' no matter how gently put. i am truly sorry you are having the issues in your life you are. but let me give an example that you might be able to understand why your comments came across as uncaring. imagine that you are having one of those days where your trial is weighing on you and you come where you feel you can get some sort of grounding support because you are just so tired of the pain. you talk about your difficulties becoming pregnant. you come back and read that i have replied that you should just be thankful you'll never have to go through a rough pregnancy or traumatic birth because there are women on the thread who have and would prefer not to be pregnant and we should take their feelings into account. how would that honestly make you feel after a day, month, years of being so hurt by your situation?
i don't think you maliciously set out to be hurtful. i honestly think you didn't realize how hurtful it could be. i'm far from angry at you. it was just the post that hurt. on the flip side my OP was not meant to be hurtful or to show a disrespect for the challenges going on in your life or any other's lives. i just needed to talk. everyone has trials and days where those trials get the best of us. we all need to vent. i have seen infertility posts on this thread and have felt pain for the mommas who have to go through this even when i wish i wasn't pregnant. the thing here is kindness and support. when i talk to a pregnant woman and she goes on and on about how much she loves pregnancy and how easy it all is etc etc i get a pang of jealousy and hurt. but do i attack that woman? do i tell her she needs 'perspective'? that she needs to not share with me and rub it in my face? sometimes it's hard to find it within ourselves to show support when things aren't gong the way we would like. i have been there. boy, have i! so you walk away. so you say nothing. you vent to an understanding friend. what you don't do is downplay or dismiss what someone else is going through. i so know what it is like to be pained or angered by what someone else is saying with no fault of their own.

i know there has been such loving support here among Sisters (and Brother ). this felt safe, warm, and inviting. i really don't want to change that dynamic of this thread and what it is meant for. i just hope we can all be mindful in the future. we should all be allowed to vent about our trials when needed without the 'get over it's.

post #550 of 575
nevermind, I had a really long post that include a lot of really personal stuff as to why I originally posted and some other stuff, and then decided against it. I probably wouldn't be understood, and possible attacked, and I don't think I can handle going through that right now.
So, I'm out for a while. I'm might lurk, but right now, this thread isn't a place where I feel I can safely post for my spiritual well being. Personal decision, not attacking anyone. I just can't post for a while here. Maybe someday, I'll be able to explain in a way that wont get me jumped on or anything.
post #551 of 575
Kelly - I know your pain. I KNOW it. And I'm ever so sorry you're hurting - and I also understand why ANY pregnancy posts can be painful. I'll miss you until you come back.

Maggie - I don't know your pain because I've never gone through some of what you have but I have had rough pregnancies and I do think you should be able to vent when needed. I hope things pick up quickly for you.

Alisa - I'm excited for you (and jealous too) and hope this pregnancy goes well.

I'm also grateful that as loving LDS people we all care enough to try to understand each other. It may not always happen that way but I'm grateful that we're all trying. I really love this thread - even when I'm gone for a bit, I always come back.
post #552 of 575
To everybody: which was YOUR favorite conference talk Saturday?

And I guess you can wait and answer after Sunday too . ENJOY!
post #553 of 575
i would really like to have read your post, Kelly. as i said before this is a place for warmth and support. i'd love to be able just to move on and offer anything i can to you when it seems like you very much are in need of it. but i understand if you are feeling the need to lurk or whatever right now. when you are ready i hope that this thread can become the system it needs to be. it was the hope i had with my OP that started this whole mess.
********************
moving on.....
Dh and i had company during the morning session of GC yesterday. his grandparents and parents were here so we missed it. but i did have it on anyway and caught a blip of one of the talks that really stuck out to me. i can't remember who it was (didn't catch a face but knew the voice) but it was on marriage. i'd love a name if anyone can remember. i'm looking on LDS.org and i can't figure out where i should be to find who it might be.
post #554 of 575
Quote:
Originally Posted by fericito View Post
Alisa - I'm excited for you (and jealous too) and hope this pregnancy goes well.
Thank you. I'm OK with pregnancy. It's the birth I need to go well....
post #555 of 575
Well, so far I loved Elder Holland's talk on the power of words. I always love his talks--he is my favorite speaker (he and Elder Bednar). I also loved Elder Faust's talk this morning on forgiveness. But I haven't yet heard that one talk that really jumps out as being for me. Maybe this afternoon?

Have any of you heard of a new book called "A Christ Centered Easter"? I just got it a few days ago. I has activities for an entire week of Holy Week celebrations. It is really neat! We are going to celebrate Palm Sunday today. Ds helped me make palm leaves out of paper this morning. We are going to act out the story of the triumphal entry (ds is really excited to ride a "donkey"). We also made a "Love One Another" poster to hang on the wall, and we will write little notes to each other expressing love or compliments and read them on Easter Day. We are also going to go on a nature walk this afternoon after conference and look for things that remind of us the Savior's suffering and death.

We are going to read scriptures and do activities each day to focus on what happened on that particular day in the last week of Christ's life. We are going to have a "Jerusalem Dinner" where we will eat foods that would have been typical for the time. I haven't decided if we will do that on Thursday to commemorate the Last Supper or on Saturday. I am so excited! The book lays everything out so well and makes it really easy to choose and plan age-appropriate activities.
post #556 of 575
That sounds like a great book! I'm always a little discouraged at Easter. At least Santa Claus is all about giving. What about Easter concerns Christ?

NCD and I like the comedien Jim Gaffigan and he has a routine about holidays where he asks who came up with the idea of eggs for celebrating Christ. The routine goes a little like this:

First person: For Easter, let's decorate eggs.
Second person: What does that have to do with Jesus?
First person: OK, then we'll hide 'em.

Most Easter celebrations are actually pagan to celebrate Spring, and I'm OK with that, but yes it would be nice to make it more Christ centered. The atonement and resurrection really are extremely critical in the plan of salvation.
post #557 of 575
well, i already posted my favorite from yesterday, it was Elder HOllands talk on the power of words and the damage we can do with our tongues.

that's why i posted it when i did. i hate to see people hurting here on this thread. the message he sent was so common sense, but unfortunately so hard to actually put into practice and follow through with. trying to uplift with your words, instead of hurting or putting down.

he cautioned women about gossiping, backstabbing, and cattiness. "offend not in word." and about talking down about ourselves even. he stated the church's strong stance against physical, sexual, and emotional abuse.

i thought it was a great talk and one that i know i will keep with me, always.


i heard the talk on marriage, but i forget now who gave it. i think it was whomever was after Elder Faust. I can see him in my head..............

I also liked the talk the sister gave this morning, about first generation members, and likening them to the people of Ammon and Helaman's army i cried during her talk and during Elder Monson's talk about the family with 4 children all born with Muscular Dystrophy, and the death of the daughter so grounding to hear stories like that.

laurel, that sounds like a great idea. while growing up, this week was a very big deal in my church ( UCC). we had palm sunday services, and then the last supper/ maundy thursday, good friday, and obviously Easter Sunday. it was always such a special time. NOT at all about bunnies and eggs LOL. it's hard show that to young kids when everyone around them is excited about the Easter BUNNY and eggs and candy and whatnot.

One year, i was in Spain for the week before Easter, and WOW! they actually reinact "Jesus", wearing a crown of thorns, carrying his cross up a mountain. there were all sorts of men covered head to toe in black robes and head covers. people followed "Jesus" and walked with him as he went through the town square in madrid, spain. it was really interesting to watch.
post #558 of 575
Quote:
Originally Posted by danaalex View Post
I also liked the talk the sister gave this morning, about first generation members, and likening them to the people of Ammon and Helaman's army i cried during her talk and during Elder Monson's talk about the family with 4 children all born with Muscular Dystrophy, and the death of the daughter so grounding to hear stories like that.
nak
it seems to be pres monson's tendency to share sad stories. they have a purpose i know, but they are sad. i also enjoyed the talk abouut the ammonites, and the talk about the bible.

ETA: when did this section become tree hugging? or has it always been that way?
post #559 of 575
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by quarteralien View Post
when did this section become tree hugging? or has it always been that way?
Tree hugging?
post #560 of 575
tree hugging LOL

must be april fools something or other.

NCD, the forum that spirituality falls under is now labeled tree hugging


i noticed this afternoon's session was about if LDS is christianity. every talk seemed to cover that. while i have always been a christian and of course LDS are christian, in that they believe in Christ, they believe in the Bible, etc. i LOVe that the church differs from the rest of christianity is SOOO many ways.

IMO the church IS christianity that way it is supposed to/ meant to be! it's very hard to get people that consider themselves chrisitian to, not only understand that LDS are christians, but also to get them to listen to the differences. i know my Dh has so many hang ups on christianity, that he often doesn't even want to hear what missionaries or the bishop have to say because he can't get past a lot of what he learned before. things that are man made parts of religion.
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