Anyone decided not to homebirth even after... - Page 2

[Ninakitty]

we had originally planned a hospital birth, but after a negative pre-birth experience, dh and I opted for homebirth. I was surprised dh supported home birth, as overall he is "medical treatment happy". However his first child, my dss, was born in a hospital, with no problems and as he said, he saw how pointless a hospital birth was if you are complication free. We also live only 10 min away from a hospital. dh and I feel that mw is competant and we've done our research. Not to say that we aren't nervous and aprehensive, but I think overall we feel really positive abbout the upcoming experience (edd is today 022807). And we live in an apt, so I do think about the thin walls. but hey they probably heard us creating our baby, so they can listen to us birth him!

good luck. it's all about what feels right for you!

[attachedmamaof3]

Nope, and the more we did it...the firmer we stand for homebirth. We had a birth center birth for our first (we were statistics as 'teen pregnancies' in a state where midwives who perform homebirths are breaking the law..SAD) We pretty much looked at each other after our oldest was born and said "What's the big deal? We can do this ourselves at home!"...and a UC homebirth for our second and a MW assisted HB for our third (barely..she literally got there 7 min. before the baby was born..even though we planned a UC...I woke up in transition and freaked myself out thinking I was having a panic attack since my transition symptoms and panic attack symptoms are so similar)....*sigh* I wish I had my UC frankly..I wouldn't do it any other way.

Plus, I know full well if I were in a hospital I would have had 3 c-sections!!! My oldest was coming transverse (shoulder presentation) and my MW had to turn him (attempted x-ternal version, but ended up doing an internal) AND he was sunny-side up (posterior) and 11 days 'overdue'. Ended up being a 7 hr labor. My second was also sunny-side up and 9 days 'overdue' ended up being a 1.5 hr UC. My third was a whopping 19 days 'overdue', ended up being a 1 hr 45 min labor and I refused all interventions (including sonograms/cervical checks) with all 3. If you'd like, your Dh can PM me and I'll have my DH get on and talk it over 'man-to-man' with him about what it's meant to have our children born the way we do.

[treemom2]

My DD was born in the hospital because I hadn't researched homebirth yet and honestly had read all the wrong books. It ended in a c-sec under general due to an epidural window. . .ugh!!

My DS was born at home with a midwife. My midwife lived about an hour away and I was somewhat concerned about her not getting there in time, but she did. It was a wonderful experience! After this birth I honestly can't understand why, unless there are complications, a woman would birth in a hospital. (oh, btw, DD's c-sec was supposedly due to CPD and malpositioning--she was posterior. DS was also posterior and bigger than DD, but the midwife turned him. Had I been in the hospital he would have been another c-sec)

With this baby we plan on going UC. We do have a midwife lined up who we can call if we feel we need her. We definately will call her sometime during the process because we will need her here for right after the birth for paperwork. I am somewhat concerned that we are about 45 minutes from the nearest hospital and sometimes traffic is horrible, but I really need to throw those thoughts from my mind and just concentrate on having a healthy baby.

[Jilian]

I wanted to give birth in a birthing center with my first son, but I didn't do the research and fear of the unknown caused me to give birth in the hospital. I was REALLY lucky to get the MW I did get when I went into the hospital in labor. My birth went well but could have easily been an emergency c/s with the wrong provider.

Now I'm pregnant with # 2 and I've had 4 years to do the research. I would not make any other choice but HB in my situation. I am healthy and so is babe. I would only go into a hospital to birth if it were medically necessary.

[grapejuicemama]

It took me four months to decide on whether to have a hb or hospital. That was four months of intense research and many sleepless nights of indecision.

I decided to have a homebirth and I am SO HAPPY that I did. After my first birth (19 and unmarried), I felt like I could fly. I couldn't wait to do it again! I shared everything about the birth with anyone who was unfortunate enough to come within hearing range!

I'm planning my third home-water birth attended by a midwife in the next few weeks.

Honestly? One of the reasons that I know I made the right choice is that I can actually be excited about the birth itself, instead of feeling resigned to just getting through it like most of the moms I know that feel that the hospital is best for them.

[Alohamelly]

My DD was born in a hospital and it wasn't the best experience but I really didn't know any better at the time.

This time, while I'm not opposed to having a homebirth (I've done the research, I know it's safe), I will be having a hospital birth. I want to. Plus, I'll be staying with my in-laws and I know that they would not be willing to let me give birth in their home and it's not a fight I'm willing to fight. I want to go to the hospital so I can see if I can have a better experience this time around. I also like knowing the option for pain meds are readily available if I should choose to get them. I'm planning for a med-free birth, but my heart won't break if I do get meds. All I want is a healthy baby.

If I ever have anymore babies, I'll consider homebirth, but I'm not sure what I'll do.

[arlecchina]

the more research I did the more terrified I was of going to a hospital.

the pain of labour is normal, I wasnt afraid of it. but of course I had a totally normal prgnancy and delivery...if there'd been problems I might have felt otherwise. but never for a normal birth.

[wendyland]

I'm not because of the cost and I don't think I'd feel comfortable in my house. I can't birth in a tub because water makes me itch. I can't imagine doing it in my living room or bedroom either. I also liked having the help for a couple days in the hospital. I enjoyed my hospital stay. The staff was great and I didn't have to cook or look at a messy house. I loved it.

But, I do think that homebirth is a great and safe decision. It's just not for me.

[birthjunkie27]

This is a really great question you've posted.

But I have to say that after doing the research, we still decided to have nothing but homebirths after our first baby was born in the hospital (hadn't known about the hb option back then).

[megviolet]

I can't answer your original question, becuase our first isn't *due* for another 9 weeks, but i thought i'd throw in my 2cents
I NEVER thought i would have an unassisted birth, i played with the idea of homebirth but thought "not for the 1st time!". Dh ws the same, well, actually he was quite against the idea of a homebirth at first and i thought we would have to really work on it.
All it took was the facts, plain and simple, to make even him realize that we have no reason to hospital birth. There is a bit of fear of hospitals/doctors/intervention on my part, but mostly we just have learned that birth isn't a medical thing, it's just a natural thing, and we know we would rather stay home than hang out at a hospital.
We are taking birthworks classes and researching TONS online and we *probably* are planning to have an unassisted birth, so ultimately while how momma and dad feel about it is a big part, and education is the biggest factor, kwim?
Anyway good luck to you!!!!!

[erin_brycesmom]

During my last pregnancy I researched childbirth like crazy. I eventually came to the conclusion that homebirth would be safest. I discusses this at length and often with my husband but ultimately he did not feel comfortable with homebirth. He just couldn't get past the social conditioning that made him feel like hospital was safer even though he had read all the studies showing that homebirth was as safe or safer. I know that I could have had a homebirth anyway, my husband does respect me and would support homebirthing with that baby if I decided to do it, but I knew that he would be scared and I didn't want that negative energy around me. Ultimately though, I think it was my own fear that lead me to the hospital that time. I had already had one hospital birth that left me feeling "broken" (I never went into labor, went 18 days past due date and my amniotic fluid was almost gone even though I never dilated or effaced at all - was induced and baby was born clearly post dates). I doubted myself and my ability to ever go into labor on my own. With a scared husband on top of it, I just chose not to commit to what I knew in my heart was best.

Let me tell you that I deeply regret that decision. My husband regrets it also. We are definitely having a homebirth this time but I wish I could go back in time and force myself to overcome my irrational fears. The hospital birth that we had instead of homebirth went well at first. I hired a doula, waited a VERY long time before going to the hospital. Refused all interventions and was pretty much left alone by the hospital staff. I labored mostly painfree (even though I had no meds of any kind) and pushed while squatting and the on all fours. I thought my birth was going to go off without a hitch and then my water broke with meconium and then when his head came out he had a double nuchal cord. The hospital mismanaged both and caused my son a traumatic entrace into the world with a first apgar of 4. Then we were at the mercy of many hospital protocols and were seperated from our son unnecessarily. I regret it deeply. I hate that my son missed out on a gentle entrace into this world and was not able to immediately bond with me. Instead he spent the first few minutes fighting for his life.

[JanetF]

Since the safety of spontaneous, normal physiological birth is clearly demonstrated, and the percentage of women able to achieve that in a is highly medicalised setting is easily able to be viewed and seen to be negligible, this to me is like asking "So, you read all about how brakes work on a car, did you decide to go back to using your foot through the floor of the car anyway?" Or, "So you read all about using a safety harness appropriate to children, did you decide to lash them to the roof with string anyway?" Most women when questioned usually say that the safety of their baby is paramount in their decisions around birth but then most women are then choosing to birth without the brakes, or without the safety harness, which is beyond illogical and verging on nonsensical. Choosing a substandard model when we are fully informed of the existance of a superior model seems to only be acceptable in birth and breastfeeding. At other times in our lives people would laugh at us for choosing unsafe, potentially life threatening behaviours over scientifically demonstrably safer behaviours. Go figure, hey? And as Oprah says, when you know better, you do better.

[SublimeBirthGirl]

I struggle with this with my students sometimes, because it's hard for me to remember what it's like being a FTM and nervous. With my first, I wanted a homebirth but ended up having a hospital birth, largely for financial reasons. I learned a lot more between baby #1 and baby #2, and had baby #2 at home. While I did do some research on homebirth w/ my first, I didn't do enough. I'm confident I'd have found the money had I known more. Now, I would never, ever go back to the hospital and I wish so much I'd had my 1st at home too.

[Munchkimo]

Originally Posted by JanetF

Choosing a substandard model when we are fully informed of the existance of a superior model seems to only be acceptable in birth and breastfeeding.

Hospital birth is not substandard in every location or under all circumstances. Some women may find themselves in a situation where hospital birth is the superior choice. An example would be, if a woman lives in a location where there are no competent, homebirth midwives available. Or perhaps if a woman has a valid reason to believe that there will be potentially fatal complications of some sort.

Personally, I'm giving myself the option to birth at home or in the hospital and I'm allowing myself the freedom to make that decision at any point in my pregnancy or labor. Why? Because during my last homebirth, there came a point when I felt strongly that it was no longer wise for me to continue trying to give birth at home. I can't predict whether that will happen again, so this time I'm covering all the bases so that if at some point it becomes clear to me that hospital transfer is neccessary, I can ensure that the care I will receive at the hospital is at least consistent with my preferences.

[augustacherri]

Just my two cents' too. I have to say that I deeply regret having my son in a hospital. I was one of the lucky ones who didn't have much interference in my birth, but that was only because my son came so naturally and quickly without giving the medical staff the time to interfere.

I labored at home (for four continuous days) with my DS and then got scared and freaked out during transition--to quote a previous post, decided it was unwise to continue having a home birth. So I went in and lo and behold, he was born completely healthy, naurally less than 45 minutes after I arrived at the hospital with absolutely no sign of any complication. I wish I had just stayed at home!! I am also one of those women who did not find the hospital experience to be pleasant. The bed was totally uncomfortable and inconducive to breastfeeding. They kept taking my son away because his temperature was not high enough, but they wouldn't let me hold him skin-to-skin, the food was icky and at least once an hour day or night a nurse would come in and ask me if I had a BM, did I pee, was the baby latching on okay, checking my blood pressure, pushing on my uterus, etc, etc, ad nauseum. It was awful--and that was just for a routine, healthy delivery.

This time I had an unassisted childbirth in my home and had the same feeling of panic during transition. This time I kept going through it and this baby also came naturally and completely healthy. I am so glad that I decided to stay away from the hospital. My husband and I have decided that barring a major medical complication (a legitimate one, mind you) during pregnancy, we will at least attempt home births for all of our subsequent children.

[Gumby]

My dh was a little caught off guard when I suggested a HB for our first, due in six - eight weeks...perhaps b/c I was already 32 weeks when I suggested this. But, we found a midwife. One who uncannily reminds me of my mom.

My dh realized, after a few days of letting the idea of a hb sink in, that I would be most comfortable at home, and if I'm comfortable, it's likely to be better for everyone. He even half jokingly/half seriously suggested a UC a week later. Maybe next time

Do what feels right. That voice inside is seldom wrong. And by seldom, I mean never It's just easy to be distracted...I'll stop rambling now

[goodearthmama]

I am planning my first birth at home in July. Our first baby and it will definitly be at home. And actually when we first found our, for some reason, I decided well maybe since this is my first and I don't know "how I'll be" during labor we should look into a hospital birth. DH was actually the one who said 'why, we know hb is better'. He was the one reminding me that we should have a hb because we knew it to be right for us. It took one visit to each of the area hospitals and OB offices to quickly remind myself that pregnancy is natural and unless you are a high-risk pregnancy, hb is the only way to go IMHO.

If it is the first timer thing that is making him doubt, just remind him that it is a healthy, natural body process that women have been doing without hospitals and ob's for thousands of years and lo & behold the Human race has survived.

If it is something else, like distance to hospital or worry of mw not getting there in time, get him some books to read. We are 35 min. from a hospital and my mw actually gave dh a lot of good info of stuff to do if she happens to now get there in time and emergency situation awareness stuff, like if the cord prolapses. She is 2 hours away, but we fully intend on calling way in advance in order to eliminate that possibility.

Congrats! And good luck! If you are comfortable with your decision, he will see your trust in your body and should share that trust as well (sooner than later would make you feel a lot better)