So my Mom called yesterday...

[paisley]

First of all she's totally paranoid and worried about me having a homebirth. That combined with her generally negative attitude lead us to the decision that we don't want her energy here for the birth, but she can come afterward and help if she wants to.

So I am talking to her yesterday and after she finished accusing me of having a name and not sharing it with her , she started in on how I'm not going to call her when I'm in labor. Now of course I didn't deny that because I don't want her to know when labor starts. But then she says to me in her 'I'm serious' voice, "If you don't call me when your labor starts then I won't visit for the first week!"

I know she meant it as more of a threat but that is exactly what I had planned on happening anyway. Thanks for making it easy on me, Mom!

[MrsTC]

Like that's supposed to influence you, threats???

It's hard to not have your mom totally on your side, I'm glad that you're not letting her get to you. Power to you with your homebirth, I wish I'd have gone that route this time around.

[blessed with boys]

Now wouldnt that be nice! My sister has invited herself to all of my births. It makes me so mad! I didnt tell her when I was in labor with my 2nd and 3rd babies....this time I gave her a job before she could invite herself. Shes going to babysit for me if she makes it here in time, I tend to have short labors and she recently moved 1 1/2 away.
Lucky me.
She has taken off 2 weeks of work to be with me "helping out", which mean winding up the kids and trashing my house.
I'm going to lay down the rules this time though.
Jackie

[lunabelly]

My mom is having a hard time with the homebirth idea, too. I'm going to call her when I'm in labor, but she lives 2 hours away, and I'm sort of hoping she'll miss the action. I'm going to tell her that if she's stressing me out she's going to have to leave the room-- I just haven't gotten up the nerve to say it yet. My neighbors offered to let her hang out at their house.

Also, my mom accused me of knowing that I'm having a boy and not telling her, because the things in our registry were mostly yellow, "and yellow is a boy color" according to her. Wha? My dh got on the phone and said that if I did know the gender I was keeping it a secret from him, too.

Anyway, sorry to add my own little rant to your thread, but I totally empathize.

[deuxceleste]

I would just like to say that my mom is awesome. Not only is she okay with homebirth, but she is now a doula, and specifically told me the other day when she drove two hours to visit me that she entirely understands if I don't want her around the house when I'm in labor. She's been encouraging my family (father and older sister) to encourage me, so much that my father called me the other day JUST to tell me how much he respects my decisions, and she has been there through provider changes, midwife changes, and everything else that has happened.

We had a very rough time in the beginning of this pregnancy (dp and I not being married, not having known each other long, etc.) but she has been an angel since.

I do love my mommy

[Wild Flowers]

Originally Posted by paisley

But then she says to me in her 'I'm serious' voice, "If you don't call me when your labor starts then I won't visit for the first week!"

I know she meant it as more of a threat but that is exactly what I had planned on happening anyway. Thanks for making it easy on me, Mom!

That is so awesome, now if only everyone would say this and mean it
Even though our family has always been super far away from us, I don't call when I am in labor. I think it is silly. You never know when it is actually going to happen and then by the time you know it is happening you are expected to make phone calls: That is what I want to do, really.

[deuxceleste]

Originally Posted by Wild Flowers

That is so awesome, now if only everyone would say this and mean it
Even though our family has always been super far away from us, I don't call when I am in labor. I think it is silly. You never know when it is actually going to happen and then by the time you know it is happening you are expected to make phone calls: That is what I want to do, really.

In my mind, it gives DP something to do

[didkisa]

When I overheard my dad's partner having a tizzy fit over me not telling them my exact due date and saying, "Well, maybe I'll go visit after a few months!" my response to my dad was that maybe they shouldn't come at all!! That sure turned things around in a hurry! I think it is much more upsetting to the grandparents than it is to us if they don't come as soon as possible. Empty threats will get them nowhere; they are the only losers in that scenario, wouldn't you agree?

[sparkprincess]

I'll be calling my mom as soon as labor starts because she's going to come watch my ds and lives about an hour away. Plus, she's good about staying out of the way. My in-laws will be called when the baby is born. They are good people and I know they are just so stinkin' excited, but with my last labor (40 hours long) they were such a pest. Because they had been at the hospital so long they wanted to camp out in the labor room. : They only live 20 minutes away for pete's sake!!

[lotusdebi]

My mother "would love to see a birth," but "understands" if I don't want her here for mine. DH called her when I was in labor with DS, and she showed up at the birth center with my stepfather. I had made it crystal clear to EVERYONE that NO ONE would get to see DS until we had some family time after the birth. My mom paced back and forth, whining and worrying that "something MUST be wrong with the baby" since we wouldn't let her in the room for a few hours. I don't need that kind of energy at my homebirth! And it's not like my mom especially likes, respects, or in any way understands me anyway. We're really not close at all.

[bemommy]

Originally Posted by Wild Flowers

I think it is silly. You never know when it is actually going to happen and then by the time you know it is happening you are expected to make phone calls: That is what I want to do, really.

I remember being at the hospital in labor when having DD and my DH talking on the phone with his mother and sister (it was early but I was induced and when the contractions started they STARTED). I waved my DH over to me and as a contraction ended he asked what I needed. . .My response, and I really did say it as nicely as I could, was "I need you to shut the f*ck up."

Never have I seen him get off the phone with his mother so quickly.

I'm hoping we can wait to make the phone calls until afterwards this time.

[Wild Flowers]

Originally Posted by bemommy

I remember being at the hospital in labor when having DD and my DH talking on the phone with his mother and sister (it was early but I was induced and when the contractions started they STARTED). I waved my DH over to me and as a contraction ended he asked what I needed. . .My response, and I really did say it as nicely as I could, was "I need you to shut the f*ck up."

Never have I seen him get off the phone with his mother so quickly.

I'm hoping we can wait to make the phone calls until afterwards this time.

Yep, that is pretty much what I am talking about. I know not everyones is like this, but my dh is my strength. I mean last time I actually went into labor while he was in the shower. It seriously happened that quickly, at one point they were just fine and then he was in there and bam! I needed him. I mean this time, if he is here, he better have a cup near him, cuz he ain't leaving even if he has to pee. I think if the phone rang, or he went to call someone I would throw it across the room. His full attention best be on ME! But that said, we do call and tell our parents shortly after I have given birth. But really, to call in labor, while they can't do anything but worry, I don't understand that. But they want it for some reason

[Ben's Mommy]

Originally Posted by paisley

"If you don't call me when your labor starts then I won't visit for the first week!"

: I wish my mom would be THAT helpful! Unfortunately since we're living with my parents while our house is being built, I have a feeling she's going to drive me NUTS!!! :

[mrskennedy]

If your mom thinks this is bad, she should be in my mom's position! We live with her, and we're having an unassisted birth in her basement. Best (worse?) part is, she doesn't know. Well, she probably suspects something, since I haven't seen the OB since Feb. 6, but I haven't actually "said" as much. I'll take the baby up to her when I feel like it and just hope she doesn't hear anything and interfere beforehand. Amazingly, I'm not wirried, and DH can make her go away if he has to.