What changed your mind.....?

[insahmniak]

A neighbor is expecting a boy in April. First-time mom. I don't know her very well at all. When I figured out she was pregnant, I loaned her an Ina May Gaskin book, kind of as a shot in the dark to try to connect with her, and gave her the MDC web address. I think she likes the book....she said the language made her laugh.

I have no idea what she thinks of circumcision, or if she has plans. I figure I have a month to try to reach her, and I am looking for ways to approach her/the topic that would meet with the most success in all respects.

So if you changed your mind after being approached by someone, what was it that worked? Do you have any ideas about how to start this conversation in a gentle way, with a neighbor I hardly know? I'm thinking an issue of Mothering that has some circ information in it, just to get the wheels turning, might be a good ice-breaker.

Any thoughts?

[Ivan's Mom]

If you really like your own pedi maybe tell her about her/him. Say something like, "I love Dr. Doolittle, she is so good with the babies, she never retracts their foreskin and knows all about leaving children intact. She left her own son intact and she breastfed all her children." This will get the discussion going. I have used this one many times with mamas. Because I LOVE my new pedi and it is so true about her!

After you get the conversation started, you can see what her thoughts are about circ and either A) breathe easier or B) get busy getting her info that will help her see the light.

[Quirky]

Maybe it's because I'm a lawyer and we absorb anti-doctor sentiment in law school (OK, just kidding -- mostly) -- but I really like the "what your doctor won't tell you and probably doesn't know" approach. It's kinda the opposite of Ivan's Mom's approach -- instead of good doctor, bad doctor.

So you could say, "I wanted to tell you something about circumcision that most US doctors don't know -- did you know that circumcision removes half the nerve endings of the penis? That the foreskin is the most sensitive part of the penis? Most US doctors have no idea what the foreskin is or how important it is, all they know is how to cut it off. And did you know they make a hell of a lot of money doing it? And that hospitals sell the foreskins to biotech companies?"

If you can get the conspiracy wheels turning -- which they should, circ is a vast conspiracy of silence/ignorance amongst the medical community in this country - - you can educate her and pique her curiosity to learn more without in any way implying that she and/or her dh are ignorant about circ. After all, we trust doctors to tell us the truth about medical procedures, and many doctors simply aren't living up to their obligations.

[jee'smom]

What changed my mind is realizing that it didn't need to be done. If the good Lord made it, it's right! (That goes for breastfeeding, cosleeping, baby wearing, anything...) if nature made it this way, it's that way for a reason... leave it be!

What I say to new moms: Oh, if you're having a boy, and you decide to get him circumcised (I don't know if you're aware it's a totally unecessary surgery, that alot of people aren't even doing anymore), please just make sure to get the poor little guy pain relief." , or something like that... every single time, the woman has asked me about circumcision... and I gave her an earful!!! (they usually ask, "well, is your son done?" and I usually reply, "uh, yeah, I'm not really into people tying my kids down and cutting their genitals up. For what it's worth, my daughter's not circumcised either" and then the info. flies outta my mouth!)

[philomom]

" Millions of years of evolution have fashioned the human body into a model of refinement, elegance, and efficiency, with every part having a function and purpose. Evolution has determined that mammals' genitals should be sheathed in a protective, responsive, multipurpose foreskin. Every normal human being is born with a foreskin. In females, it protects the glans of the clitoris; in males, it protects the glans of the penis. Thus, the foreskin is an essential part of human sexual anatomy."

.......this from the Mothering 1997 article

For us, the bradley childbirth teacher opened our eyes to it being an unnecessary procedure.

[mntnmom]

DH is intact, but I had never thought about circ. What make the light come on for me, is that you're cutting of part of your son's PENIS. The most sensitive part of his body. And 80-85% of the men in the world are intact and JUST FINE.

[insahmniak]

Thanks for all the feedback. I don't have any sons, and wouldn't ever consider GM. So I don't have the thought of circ in my background.

I think the mom-to-be next door is pretty conventional. At least I consider U/S to be pretty conventional. I've noticed a new stoller box on her porch, too. Perhaps the U/S was necessary for some reason. Anywho, If she is as conventional as I think she is I don't want to not come across too wacko so as to turn her off of whatever I might say.

The pedi approach would be good, but I don't have a pedi. We use a holistic GP doc who doesn't even have hospital privileges, and we hardly ever see her - no need. That might freak her out.

I think the "did you know...?" approach might work, but I'd probably have to stalk her and kind of spring it on her. We have the briefest of chats whenever we meet. That might come across as strange, KWIM?

Here's an idea - I could get a no-circ bumpersticker. We have NO bumperstickers on the car, so it'd be very noticable. And our driveways are adjacent to each other. Our cars are basically parked next to each other every day. That might at least put the no-circ option in her head if it isn't yet. I think I'll look for a good sticker.

She's a new mom, so is probably spending some time reading about some things. If I could find something that would introduce the idea of no-circ, along with other stuff like slinging/babywearing, breastfeeding, etc. Like a mothering mag - maybe a back-issue or two. I could give her some of those to look through. Anyone want to donate a few for a very good cause?

[jaxinsmom]

I was given information by our midwife two days after ds was born and we were asking about a doctor who would circ. The information was great, and I really think a good approach is to be humble initally. Most people are unaware of the information out there, and if you ask in a polite way "I realize that you're probably being inundated with information, as a new mom and I was just wondering if I could share this quick easy to read information with you about circumcision? I know when my friend had a little guy, having as much information as possible saved them both a lot of pain and greif."
Or something to that effect.
I forwarded this one on to my sis who is due in May with a little boy, and she found it super helpful (especially since she said she hadn't given circ much thought):

http://oknocirc.blogspot.com/

Honestly, it's one of my favourite, because it answers the questions most first time moms have about a procedure they are not even aware they are unfamiliar with, KWIM? I'd print it off and give it to her and let her know she can call you (or come by, or whatever) if she has any questions.

Good luck!!

[Mommiska]

I second Jaxinsmom's idea - the OKnocirc website is a great one - very easy to read and has all of the pertinent information. And letting her know you are available if she has any questions is also a good idea.

I'd give it to her as soon as possible - some people 'get it' about circ right away, but for other people, it takes time for it all to sink in.

If you do print out the article, you could just say that you would really recommend that she research this topic, and here is an article to start her off - maybe write in a few other website addresses on the article you give her? There are links at the top to a lot of great stuff.

I wouldn't bury the circ stuff in with the other stuff...too easy to ignore/dismiss if she's conventional and you are giving her what she perceives as 'hippy' parenting info, you know?

Good luck!

[hunnybumm]

Originally Posted by ohmtaretu

I think the mom-to-be next door is pretty conventional. At least I consider U/S to be pretty conventional. I've noticed a new stoller box on her porch, too. Perhaps the U/S was necessary for some reason. Anywho, If she is as conventional as I think she is I don't want to not come across too wacko so as to turn her off of whatever I might say.

I just have to say that with both my boys I had an U/S and bought strollers. With #1 I went the OB route, medical birth, yadda yadda. With #2 I went the freestanding birth center route, but still had a U/S for my own peace of mind (didn't find out the sex). And with #2 I bought a double stroller. I have back issues and can't carry for too long, and no way I can carry my 3yo (then 2yo) for very long. So I wouldn't assume she is conventional based on those two things. Not to mention that as a first time mom she is probably trying to cover all her bases as far as making sure she has a stroller in case she needs it, and doesn't realize that some people don't have U/Ss, YK?

What I wished someone had told me before I had my first son: You have a choice. It isn't 'just something that is done'. It's a lot more than that.

If someone had told me that I probably would have looked into it, if I had found the right information I wouldn't have had it done. I honestly didn't realize that some boys don't have it done. The thought NEVER crossed my mind!

Good luck and I hope you can get the point across! I think as long as you are gentle she won't be offended or think you are wacko.

[dynamohumm6]

be totally honest.

"look, I know you don't know me that well, and this might come off really strange, but I wouldn't bring it up if I didn't feel so strongly about it."
hand her some info
"I just know so many parents who thought it was a necessary procedure that just regretted it so, so much. They didn't realize how harmful it is, or that it's a purely cosmetic procedure that NO medical group in the world reccomends. so I wanted to make sure you knew about it before you had your baby, because I can't *imagine* living with that sort of guilt. If you want to talk about any of it, please let me know!"

[myfairbabies]

The risks changed my mind. Knowing all the things that could go wrong. Since then I've learned way more and know tons more reasons, but at first all I could think of is what if I circumcised my son and he died? Or lost his whole penis? I could never live with myself. For my dh, it was watching the video

[DvlDg]

For me I knew it was unneccessary but i thought it was no big deal. When i found this place I saw a link for a video. That's what sunk it in for me. I cried during it and wondered how anyone could willingly put a baby through that.

[Monkeygrrl]

Originally Posted by dynamohumm6

be totally honest.

"look, I know you don't know me that well, and this might come off really strange, but I wouldn't bring it up if I didn't feel so strongly about it."
hand her some info
"I just know so many parents who thought it was a necessary procedure that just regretted it so, so much. They didn't realize how harmful it is, or that it's a purely cosmetic procedure that NO medical group in the world reccomends. so I wanted to make sure you knew about it before you had your baby, because I can't *imagine* living with that sort of guilt. If you want to talk about any of it, please let me know!"

when a friend heard that i was pregnant with a boy, she made the statement, "please let me give you info on circ, even if you have made your decision"...i told her that i was anti-circ but that she could give me the info if she would like...

when i was pregnant with my first boy, i discovered i was anti-circ from the research i did...as well as something that was said on a Queer as Folk episode that just rang true to me...now i have lots of links and talk to everyone about why i didnt circ...

peace...

[Incubator]

Originally Posted by Monkeygrrl

when a friend heard that i was pregnant with a boy, she made the statement, "please let me give you info on circ, even if you have made your decision"...i told her that i was anti-circ but that she could give me the info if she would like...

Just out of curiosity, was it pro-circ or anti- circ info?

[stacyann21]

I changed my mind the moment I realized I had been culturally conditioned to accept bogus medical reasoning for the routine genital mutilation of babies and children. I'm not sure how you'd approach a neighbor with that I usually just pass on info about the functions of the foreskin and the declining rate of circ.

[Treece]

Ya know wnat, I never searched "benefits of circ" I searched "dangers of circ." I think it depends on how you go about looking into it. I never was "pro circ" I just thought it was something that was just done, but I never gave it a moment's thought UNTIL i became aware I was having a boy. Now I'm pro choice, It's the owner of the penis's choice, not mommys, not daddy', not the nurse, not the doc, not the hospital, it's HIS choice, not mine.

And, the videos. I don't think I have ever finished one. And if I did, I know I was probably bawling. And no, that's not prego hormones, I would do it today and I am definitely not prego.

[Monkeygrrl]

Originally Posted by Incubator

Just out of curiosity, was it pro-circ or anti- circ info?

it was anti-circ info that she wanted to share with me...

peace...