where to begin?
there is so much to catch up on!...i did finally read and catch up...
kaspirant, i'm so sorry you're going through that with your parents. family stuff can be SO hard (i know well). hopefully, like the others said, the overall energy of your day will be better and brighter without them there, if they have such negative attitudes. sending warm loving vibes your way!
fern, what a beautiful tatoo! wow! i'm not so brave.
spiritmomma, isa is adorable! i loved seeing her in action. i know just what you mean about them not doing what they normally do when you turn the camera on, though. finley is just the same. how is the weaning going?
helen, how very scary about isaac! is he feeling better and calmer now? oh, i can't even imagine.
souljourney, how AWFUL! i hope noah is feeling better now?? i hope?! do not worry about writing back.. take your time and write when you feel inspired and have the time.
and hugs to everyone! i love hearing how you and the babies are doing. though they're really not babies anymore, are they? it's wild...they really are turning into little boys and girls.
so, where to begin? i'm overwhelmed, and luckily, DH is home today and is out at the moment with finley so i'm able to collect my thoughts a bit and take a few deep breaths.
finley and i went to florida to see my parents for five days, which has become my limit for seeing them. on day four, like clockwork, they started making a few too many comments and making a few too many faces. up til then, i was doing great at remaining calm and meditating to myself to not accept the "garbage" and negative energy they try to pour onto and into me. after finley had been fussing in the car, mini-tantruming really, i caught my mom say to my dad, with a really awful look on her face, "i don't ever remember OUR kids acting like that, do you?" the nice feelings surrounding finley were quickly changing into their typical constant criticisms, focused at me, for letting him be that way.
on the day i was leaving, day five, my mom (oh, it's hard to even explain, b/c our relationship is so f*cked up and she is so hard to explain and is so deeply damaged), she was crying with this pissed off and wounded look on her face telling me that nana (my grandmother) had her feelings hurt b/c finley wouldn't let her (or anyone) hold him and that next time i came, could i make sure we really spent time with nana. i had emailed nana trying to set up time with her and she didnt write me back. once i was home, my mom said they were coming over on sunday and i said oh great! we can spend time with her then...thinking they'd hang out most of the day and that would be our nice chunk of quality time. they came over, ate lunch (ignoring finley throughout lunch), and then left, maybe after one hour. i said, well, i didn't want them to leave, they just left! next time, i can make sure we spend the whole day, but i don't know what else you want me to do to make sure we spend time with them. then she went on and on with all these false statements, and i kept correcting them. and oh my god. it's too hard to even explain the whole thing, but it was just so frustrating and upsetting, because it seems like EVERY time i go down there, no matter what is going on, they find something to be really upset with me about, i'm always this awful/bad daughter. this time it's b/c my son isn't good about other people holding him.
they were relentless with comments about him needing to be more independent.
after that explosion, i said, mom, i am sorry i hurt nana's feelings. i never meant to do that. i'm not exactly sure how i did...
my mom said, well, i'm sorry you got so ANGRY. i was just telling you that her feelings her hurt (with this real martyr look on her face).
i just feel so trapped and not myself when i'm there and it's so stressful. i thought i was doing great, but after that last day, i just felt like exploding, and felt so angry. i want to be able to come to peace with the situation. it is so hard.
thanks for listening.
some of you might be aware that my dad wanted to be called "big dad" myDH was not okay with that, so i finally asked my dad if he would consider being called something else, and that was, as i expected, a hard conversation, and my dad put up quite a fight, but i was able to stay strong and hold my ground and support my DH, as i know he would do for me, if the tables were turned.
they are going to be in town this weekend and we will see them on saturday. hopefully it will be a positive day together.
on top of that, my DH is going through a hard time, b/c things in his career are just really slow and frustrating, and we are still more seriously thinking about that huge move to LA...
AND...i just got a role in a play, which is nice and exciting, and i am going to do it. the only thing that isn't great is that i will have rehearsals two nights per week for five weeks. they said they will try to let me go home early and do my scenes in the first part of the night, but some nights i might not be home til 10:30. i'm a wreck knowing how this will affect finley, but i also feel like it is something i really want and need to do...
i know he will be with DH and he is great with him, but it's not the same as me. we are thinking about trying to scoot his bedtime later to it won't be as traumatic. another idea is that maybe he could come to the rehearsal and nurse with me and then get in the sling with DH afterwards. a final (and not great) resort is that we could let him watch a movie til i get home...
any other suggestions, or has anyone else been in a similar situation?
sorry to be unloading so much negative stuff.
it feels good to get it off my chest, and i do feel hopeful that i will find a way to coexist with my family peacefully, and that our little family will find our way, too.
more fun baby stuff soon
..on a random baby note, finley slept amazingly in florida--woke only once/night!!!! since we've been home, it's been disastrous. maybe the time change?