March 10th, 2004 is the day that my first husband, Tom, took his own life. I hate this time of year. I still have a lot of guilt associated with his death, and I can't seem to get over it. I know that it was not my fault, but I still wonder if things would be different if I had said something differently or done something differently....even little things like what time I had left for work that day, or what we had for dinner the night before.
I have not talked to his family in over a year, and I feel guilty about that, too. I have since remarried and had a baby. I did, however, email his brother yesterday, so I have taken a step to connect.
My family doesn't like to bring Tom up, and sometimes it seems like they have forgotten that he even existed.
I just wish I could have done something. I have a lot of questions that will never be answered. Sometimes I accept that fact. Other times it's so hard.
I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to about it, really. My husband and I are in the middle of trying to get custody of my stepson, and I don't want to put more stress on him.
That's it. I just needed to get that out.
I have not talked to his family in over a year, and I feel guilty about that, too. I have since remarried and had a baby. I did, however, email his brother yesterday, so I have taken a step to connect.
My family doesn't like to bring Tom up, and sometimes it seems like they have forgotten that he even existed.
I just wish I could have done something. I have a lot of questions that will never be answered. Sometimes I accept that fact. Other times it's so hard.
I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to about it, really. My husband and I are in the middle of trying to get custody of my stepson, and I don't want to put more stress on him.
That's it. I just needed to get that out.
Tom
