She 2.5 and intimidating all the other tots

[dancingbear]

So Dd is 2.5 and almost always the loudest, most bossy, aggressive tot in any given setting. I have learned that I need to provide her with more structure, routine, socialaztion opportunities without me around. In hopes she will learn some boudaries from her peers instead of me constantly redirecting her and doing damage control. I feel ashamed when she hurts other kids by throwing stuff, pushing and the like. She sees me so stressed and glouts! UGH! She is more verbal then typical and very astute. Wants to make friends but doesn't allow for guidance on how. She just grabs a hand and pulls, says, "you friend?" Most always the other kids bolt. She is the kid on the top of the slide yelling "My slide!" and pounding her heels on it with all her might.

I have held the AP ideals, extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping, natural living with kid led discovery play for hours (days) on end. My partner is Hispanic, feels that Dd is spoiled by all this and deserves a smack on the ass...saying, its the only way she'll get it. This is a cultural issue for sure and we are talking it through. In the meantime I'd really like some advice on how to help her learn boundaries without lots of talking to or hitting. She would probably learn these limits best from peers that are not easily intimidated...but it is hard to find em! help!!!

I am grateful for Mothering community, you are awesome sisters whi inspire and guide...thanks!

[wemoon]

I think what I would do is to either remove dd from the situation when she is overbearing or out of control OR just not put her in situations where that can happen. Maybe limit the amount of kids she is around, like invite over one other child and see how it goes. She may need some boundaries, like if she does XYZ then we will leave, and follow through with it. I wouldn't give any second chances. Maybe talking to her before your going somewhere and tell her that it makes mommy sad when she does XYZ, but if she were to do ABC it would make mommy very happy. Kids love to please and may decide to act different if they know what makes mommy happy or sad.

Good luck and hope that helps some.

[untomySelf]

perhaps helping her by modelling boundaries within the home. (Im not assuming anything sayng this, just what works for me)

If she crosses yours, are you clear and matter of fact about it without wavering?
Have you tried role playing with dolls and show her a respectful boundary honoring exchange?
Are her boundaries respected?

This will help her alot.

And, well she will certainly learn out in the world what is acceptable to others and what isnt!

[untomySelf]

oh and ps. send her this way with my ds !!!!!!

Seriously though, he learned both on his own and with my help that when he feels violated he holds his hand out and says loudly

"STOP! I dont like it".
If the child persists he says it again louder this time
"I said, STOP, I dont like it"
if it persists again, he wallops the kid
(Not my personal choice of actions, not that I blame him, but we are working on it)