My dad is really sick

[Heavenly]

I am really sad and scared and I don't know what to do. My dad had a major heart attack 4 years ago. He also has diabetes and kidney problems. Since then he has had problems with his heart but he was doing somewhat okay. Now he is really not doing okay. He's had 2 minor heart attacks in the past 2 weeks. He went to the cardiologist and they said there's nothing they can do and its basically a matter of time. My DH and I moved 5 hours away from my parents at the end of August and I have only seen my parents twice since then. We want to go up and visit but our 3 kids always seem to be sick with one thing or another and my dad can't be exposed to illness because one bad illness could kill him. I am so scared that I won't see him again before he dies. My dad and I have never had a great relationship. He was a very angry person when I was growing up and seemed to be mad at me all the time. My sister was basically his favorite. I love him but I've never seemed to be able to bridge that gap between us, even as an adult. I have tried e-mailing him and talking to him and its just hard. I am so scared that when he dies I am going to have a really hard time dealing with it. The obvious reason being that he would be gone but also because our relationship was never what it should have been. The last couple of weeks we have talked on the phone briefly twice and he e-mailed me about a story I wrote. He is really seeming to be trying to reach out to me. In one way that makes me happy but in another it scares me because I am scared that it is because he knows he is going to die soon. How am I ever going to cope with losing my dad? I am only 27, I am not ready to be without a dad. How do you ever get over the pain of losing someone you love. I have never really lost anyone close to me. My grandma, but she was 94 and had led a long life. This is different. My dad is only turning 63 this month. Please tell me how you go on when you lose a parent. The idea of it overwhelms me with pain so tremendous that I don't see how I'll ever survive.

[Lucky Charm]

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[magpie mamma]

My dad died three months ago and it is still so painful. I too struggeled with a less than perfect "dad" relationship and got very freaked out before he died too. I tried hard to say what I wanted to say, to tell him what was hard but also acknowledge that he did what he could based on what he knew. It was a little different because he was very out of it and on a respirator so he couldn't talk to me. That was a double edged sword because he couldn't tell me what he thought and I will always have to live with no answers and that is so hard. I am so sorry you are dealing with this, I wish I could say something to make it better. It is a difficult journey.