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What stops you from having a neat house? - Page 6

post #101 of 119
1/26/08 at 3:20am
I was directing it to the OP- so you, a year ago I suppose. The post mentioned going back to work. I find it so much easier to keep my house clean when toddlers spend less time in it.

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post #102 of 119
1/26/08 at 12:52pm
Thread Starter 
Oh, then I'm sure you read on to see my kids are in my home 24/7 and always have been. My dh and I work opposite shifts and have since we had babies, so they could be home all the time and not in daycare. Not that daycare is an evil, just not for us. And we homeschool them. We take turns working with them throughout the day.
post #103 of 119
1/26/08 at 3:03pm
not being organized enough to stay on a routine
post #104 of 119
1/26/08 at 3:05pm
my kids stop me. I spend all day cleaning and they are in another room destroying it. I don't mean dumping out toys, I mean destroying it, boken furniture,, ripped photos, flooded bathrooms etc.

Part of it hough is psychological, like this is the best it will ever be, this is all I deserve so it becomes a fullfilling prophecy
post #105 of 119
1/26/08 at 3:38pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by swellmomma View Post
my kids stop me. I spend all day cleaning and they are in another room destroying it. I don't mean dumping out toys, I mean destroying it, boken furniture,, ripped photos, flooded bathrooms etc.

Part of it hough is psychological, like this is the best it will ever be, this is all I deserve so it becomes a fullfilling prophecy
I notice you are a single mama. Don't try to hold yourself up to 2-parent standards of cleanliness. You will only frustrate yourself.
post #106 of 119
1/26/08 at 3:40pm
No, I didn't read on. This looked more like a poll type thing.

Having a clean house must be a very high priority for you. My MIL also thinks people without clean houses either have serious issues or are lazy if their house isn't clean. More often it's that they have different priorities, and like most people wish there was enough time to get to the lower priorities on their list, but often don't. Maybe you don't exercise as much as you'd like, or go out with friends, or any number of other worthwhile things you'd like to do if only there were 36 hours in the day, and you didn't need to sleep. It sounds like you place much more value on a clean house than average.
post #107 of 119
1/26/08 at 5:21pm
things are neat around here when i am feeling good (not depressed or sleep-deprived) and i really think it is a reflection of my health, mental and physical. so, i'm more organised when i'm happier; i'm happier when i'm more organised. i don't need things to be perfect, but we all get stressed and have lot less time and energy for the fun stuff when we can't find clean clothes, trip over stuff, and are hungry before we've figured out if there's anything to eat!! so yes, i like a smoothly-functioning house. like many things in life, having a family and running a household sometimes falls apart. i try to hang in there, but i do find it hard. i also notice that my need for connection, solitude, or just the busy-ness of managing finances, homelearning, and wanting to get outside each day...it all competes. with young children i find that something i am juggling gets dropped. once my first was 3 or 4 i found it easy to do my routines. but i was SLEEPING a lot! having my second made it harder again. i'm on the way up for air, i think. certainly a small apartment means there's nowhere to shove things, so it is all there under your feet if you aren't keeping up. when i have a newborn we just go to emergency...although i find toddlers harder! i can't sling them and they don't sleep much, and they tear it up! now mine are 2 and 7, i'm getting there.

i find routines help me stay on track, and using a timer, and meeting my needs for connection with real people, rather than trolling mdc overly much!

*
post #108 of 119
1/26/08 at 5:47pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Having a clean house must be a very high priority for you. My MIL also thinks people without clean houses either have serious issues or are lazy if their house isn't clean. More often it's that they have different priorities, and like most people wish there was enough time to get to the lower priorities on their list, but often don't. Maybe you don't exercise as much as you'd like, or go out with friends, or any number of other worthwhile things you'd like to do if only there were 36 hours in the day, and you didn't need to sleep. It sounds like you place much more value on a clean house than average.
Choosing not to take the bait...
post #109 of 119
1/26/08 at 10:11pm
??

I was trying to give you a reason well balanced, hard-working people might have for not having a neat house. It's ordinarly priorities- most of us have a few things toward the bottom of our priority list we wish we could get to, but realistically can't.
post #110 of 119
1/26/08 at 10:50pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by hempmama View Post
??

I was trying to give you a reason well balanced, hard-working people might have for not having a neat house. It's ordinarly priorities- most of us have a few things toward the bottom of our priority list we wish we could get to, but realistically can't.


I agree with this as a refutation of the idea that messy houses = some kind of mental problem.





"What stops you from having a neat house?"
For me, tonight: TAXES
:
post #111 of 119
1/27/08 at 12:36am
i'd love to know my underlying reason for being a slob. it's hard to address the issue when i don't know what it is!
post #112 of 119
1/27/08 at 1:38am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Having a clean house must be a very high priority for you. My MIL also thinks people without clean houses either have serious issues or are lazy if their house isn't clean.
Bolding mine. I was trying very hard not to address however, I would hate for others to think I am saying people with messy houses have serious issues or are lazy. Not so at all. What I said numerous times was there are brickwalls people hit when trying to obtain goals. The goals of this area of MDC are "Decluttering, Organizing & Simplifying". So my question, assuming since folks are in this area that is their goal also, I am asking is what brickwall do they hit that prevents them from having a "neat" home...which one would have if they are organized, decluttered and simplified.
To answer the question about my priorities...yes having a clean & neat home is a priority, right behind my children & dh, my homeschooling, my friends, and my job as a nurse. However, I have learned what my brickwall was a long time ago and broke thru it. My brickwall was stuff and lots of it. I realized I couldn't keep up with it all and had to let a ton of stuff leave my house. Now I have what I can manage. If I allow myself to bring lots of things back into my home I would be rebuilding my wall.
My mental well being is severly affected by my surroundings. I am what they call spirited. Noises, smells, textures, clutter, etc have very negative effects on me. So I have to control what I can to preserve my well being so I can be a great mom and wife. So yes I do make it a priority to be neat.
post #113 of 119
1/27/08 at 11:02am
Skipping most of this thread, but I have to admit that I think my house would be easier to keep tidy if I had money to throw at it.

I'd love to have beautiful wooden storage units with DOORS and DRAWERS to store (read: hide) things in. I have accumulated some nice baskets and boxes for things, and some decent furniture, but "closed" storage would look tidier, if that makes sense.

If we had the time/money to fix, or pay someone to fix, the dishwasher, then we wouldn't have dirty and clean dishes taking up counter space.

I would love to have nice flooring instead of the awfully stained tan carpet in our living/family/dining room. No matter how tidy the room is, it always looks messy because of the carpet.

Heck, new matching living room furniture in a nice solid color would help the tidy neat effect also.

And our walls ALL need painting; they're stained and crayoned and look dingy and messy. And our ceilings are stained from prior water damage and need to be torn down and redone. Again, without time/money to do or pay someone to do this, the room is going to look cluttered no matter how tidy it really is.

Not sure if that is what you were looking for, but it's my first response.

I think the kids being bigger and more responsible for cleaning up their own messes would help, too. It's gotten better as they've gotten older, but we still have a long ways to go.

post #114 of 119
1/27/08 at 11:29am
Thread Starter 
I understand that. I remember our first house, when the boys were toddlers and how bad the carpet got, blech. It was light grey to start with and showed every little drip and stain. And the walls were white, MATTE finish paint. If you washed them the paint came off too. I felt the same way...no matter what I did it looked dingy. And like you said it isn't cheap to buy all those organizer type things. I remember after eight years when we finally got to get the new carpet thinking...ok now nobody touch it...LOL. Yeah right.
On the paint...one thing you might consider is mistints. Lowes, home depot, etc constantly have mistints for very cheap, of the best brands. And they have lots of pretty colors. A gallon is like 10$. One time I saw a 5 gallon bucket in satin finish in a beautiful khaki color for 20$. I didn't have any use for it at the time.
post #115 of 119
1/27/08 at 11:44am
For me, too much stuff, messy kids, lack of storage space and motivation.
post #116 of 119
1/27/08 at 1:45pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommaof3boz View Post
Bolding mine. I was trying very hard not to address however, I would hate for others to think I am saying people with messy houses have serious issues or are lazy. Not so at all. What I said numerous times was there are brickwalls people hit when trying to obtain goals. The goals of this area of MDC are "Decluttering, Organizing & Simplifying". So my question, assuming since folks are in this area that is their goal also, I am asking is what brickwall do they hit that prevents them from having a "neat" home...which one would have if they are organized, decluttered and simplified.
To answer the question about my priorities...yes having a clean & neat home is a priority, right behind my children & dh, my homeschooling, my friends, and my job as a nurse. However, I have learned what my brickwall was a long time ago and broke thru it. My brickwall was stuff and lots of it. I realized I couldn't keep up with it all and had to let a ton of stuff leave my house. Now I have what I can manage. If I allow myself to bring lots of things back into my home I would be rebuilding my wall.
My mental well being is severly affected by my surroundings. I am what they call spirited. Noises, smells, textures, clutter, etc have very negative effects on me. So I have to control what I can to preserve my well being so I can be a great mom and wife. So yes I do make it a priority to be neat.
_____________________

Very well put!!! I am the same - my mental well being is also terribly affected by my surroundings and its taken me years to figure this out. I can be peralized by it and then I am no good to anyone!

Its a domino effect if I am not carefull. So for me -VISUAL CLUTTER is kept to a minimum- Housecleaning and decluttering is a priority -- so that I am free to be the best wife and mom I can be!

post #117 of 119
1/27/08 at 9:29pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Decluttering Nut View Post
_________________

OH -- that is sad ... Do you have an option to possibly sell and find a home that suits your better?
Thanks for being kind and not telling me I'm a spoiled brat! Because that's exactly how I think my post reads. We live in an otherwise lovely home in a lovely neighborhood, that simply doesn't suit me.

This house is an indictment of my lousy decision-making abilities. I was already feeling childlike and incompetent. We moved in and I just totally gave up trying to keep house. Stuff has just piled up, the carpet is dirty, I don't try very hard. Our previous house was this sweet little thing in a neighborhood perfect for raising little kids. There was grass and room for a veggie garden, I had a clothes line so we could save money. I associated it with my growing enthusiasm for motherhood and my crunchy lifestyle. We moved when it got too small and I couldn't handle the nutty lady across the street anymore.

We moved to a house with NO grass in the back yard, nothing but concrete. It's more suited to a retired couple with an RV. We're supposed to keep the front yard beautiful and tidy. And there's no place for a clothes line, dammit! I pretty much gave up my 'crunchy' life when we moved here. Not the attachment parenting, but the rest of the lifestyle I was developing. I must sound very shallow, but I had no idea how much my home and neighborhood was encouraging/discouraging my perception of myself.

I've struggled with depression my entire life. My decision to buy this house was a huge hit to my already fragile self esteem.

Enough time has passed that I wouldn't feel totally embarrassed, humiliated to move to a more suitable home. But that's not going to happen in THIS housing market!! I'm finally getting to the bottom of some important issues, and this whole issue with this house and my ego/self esteem is a new discovery to me. My mental energy and joy for life is slowly returning (very exciting! ) and I'm making plans for improving this house! We're tearing out most of the concrete this year! We're tearing out a wooden deck we never use and replacing it with a play set! It's really exciting. It's been years since I've made goals and dreamed dreams.
post #118 of 119
1/27/08 at 9:39pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by amyamanda View Post
If we had the time/money to fix, or pay someone to fix, the dishwasher, then we wouldn't have dirty and clean dishes taking up counter space.

I would love to have nice flooring instead of the awfully stained tan carpet in our living/family/dining room. No matter how tidy the room is, it always looks messy because of the carpet.

Heck, new matching living room furniture in a nice solid color would help the tidy neat effect also.

And our walls ALL need painting; they're stained and crayoned and look dingy and messy. And our ceilings are stained from prior water damage and need to be torn down and redone. Again, without time/money to do or pay someone to do this, the room is going to look cluttered no matter how tidy it really is.
Agreed, on all counts! Just insert front yard irrigation for your dishwasher problem. Our front yard is a mess because it needs new irrigation. We don't have the skills to fix it ourselves, and we don't have the money to pay someone to do it.
post #119 of 119
1/27/08 at 11:02pm
[QUOTE=Conteuse;7449708]Let's see... for me it's mostly the decision-making process. I'm a "categorizer," and it's very hard for me to make decisions about where things should go and what "category" they should be in.

I think I read about this concept on a hoarding website somewhere: she'll take a book off the shelf and start reading it on the couch, and then get interrupted. Where does she put the book? Well, now it's in a new category of "partially-read books" and therefore doesn't belong with the others on the shelf anymore. So she just leaves it lying out on the couch. When you add this mindset to every single thing you get out, it's understandable how it could cause a mess!

I've had to re-train my thought processes, because mine is a very well-ordered, logical, and perfectionist nature. It used to really bother me when something from one mental category crossed over into another one -- like if my husband put my half-read book back on the shelf, for example -- but though it has been hard, I've been able to loosen up a bit"

This is totally me! I have to constantly retrain my brain!

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Mothering › Mothering Discussion Forums › Natural Family Living › The Mindful Home › Decluttering, Organizing, & Simplifying › What stops you from having a neat house?