Can a 2-year old realistically attend a sibling's birth?

[aentwood]

I'm due in October and my son will be 25 months old then. I am seriously considering a home birth (although I think cost is going to be a barrier) and if not that, a freestanding birth center birth. Do you think my son will be able to be present? Obviously it probably depends on the child's personality, but is there any standard age that it isn't recommended?

Are there any resources out there for how to include siblings in the birth?

And while I'm on it...how/when do I tell him about the new baby?

THanks!

[angelpie545]

My older daughter was 2 1/2 when her younger sister was born, and was present in the room with me. Before the birth, we read lots of books and talked about what would happen while mommy was in labor, the noises that mommy might make, and what happens when a woman gives birth. I was very matter-of-fact and upfront with her. I think it helps a lot to have a support person just for your child to, such as a trusted adult caregiver or a relative who could take the child out of the room if it became too much for her/him. For me, that person was my mom. She stayed with my older daughter and explained to her what was going on as I was giving birth.

I think personality of the child has a lot to do with it too. My older daughter is very mature for her age and was able to grasp the concepts of my birth alright, but that's not to say another child may not. That said, I do think that it is very important to involve siblings as much as possible with the birth-because it's a family event, not just a mommy and daddy event. I think viewing birth as a family event is better because it allows the older child to feel involved and needed, thus staving off at least some slibling rivalry.. At least it worked for our family, anyway. ''

I think it's also very important to explain the birth process and what's going to be happening so your child will know what to expect and won't be fightened when he/she sees his/her mother making strange sounds, moaning, ext. It's easier to prepare a child, IMO, for a homebirth as well, because then you don't have to worry about explaining medical procedures, why this is necessary, ext.

[MommytoTwo]

I am choosing not to have my two kids (4.5 and 2.5) present. I dont think my DD (2.5) will remember it, I dont think my DS will leave me alone even with someone else to take care of him, I dont have anyone to care for them that I would also want there, and in case of transfer I dont know what I would do with them.

These are my reasons - I think its awesome that kids can be there but for me personally I am choosing not to.

[Singfourever@yahoo]

My DS will be 24 months when we have our homebirth and I plan on having him there. I'm actually not too worried about it. He'll only be present as long as both him and I are comfortable and I will have my mom there in case he needs to be taken outside or to another room. His personality is so that he will be intensely curious about what's happening and want to see everything. I think he'll be more into it than worried about the noises I'll be making. But I do think it depends majorly on your child's temperment and "neediness."

[~Megan~]

dd was 3 when I gave birth. She was very prepared by watching videos of all sorts of births and we explained that mommy would do the things those women did when it was time for her brother to be born.

We did have it set up for a friend to come over to be with her but it ended up being unnecessary. She was asleep for most of it and then when she was awake she watched a new movie and sat with her dad. As I was pushing she came in the room and watched it all with fascination. She did later tell me I was too loud though.

[APintheAF]

My ds2 was just born at home 2 weeks ago, and my ds1 (2.5) was home with us. He had taken a nap and when he awoke, the doctor was there along with my parents. My mom tried to keep him out of the room, but that only upset him more. He came in and saw me on the bed and was a little scared. The only thing he wanted to do was nurse, and the doctor said: "Let him nurse!" So, he hopped up in bed and nursed for awhile. Whn I really started pushing, the sounds I made scared him, so he went downstairs and played with my folks. As soon as the baby was born, he came right up and nursed with his baby brother.
We talked about the birth beforehand, read stories and explained what would happen, but I just don't think he grasped it well. I knew I wanted him at home, but I had a feeling he couldn't cope with seeing me push. Whatever you decide, make sure that there is someone nearby to cae for your dc if he/she can't handle the reality of labor.

[HeatherB]

I could've written Bethany's post almost verbatim. My 2.5yo DS was present at his brother's birth. It was a looooong birth and it was wonderful to have him there. My mother lives nearby and they are very close, so she was in charge of taking care of him for the whole time. (In fact, she spent the night with him after the baby was born, too, so we didn't need to worry about him joining me in the "big bed" with the newborn. Though we didn't even realize she was there until morning! I think we were tired...) Anyhow, back on topic... He was prepared with books and videos and even TV shows. We absolutely love the book "Welcome with Love". He read the book with Grandma over and over during labor, too, and would come check on me, then run back into the living room to read the applicable section of the book (mostly the "mum's being loud" part!). They also were able to take him out to dinner and then returned when they were told we were getting close. That was helpful, really, because I had fewer interruptions and more time to focus - BUT I had no ability to worry, anyway! I knew he was well cared for and HAD to focus on myself and laboring - there's just no option!

So, my DS was there for the final pushes, and was held in Grandma's arms next to the bed when his brother came out. He was, according to Grandma, yelling, "My baby! My baby! My baby is here!" He was the first one to kiss the baby, and helped cut the cord. 2.5 years later, he still has memories of that day, though obviously not as clear. He has told me since that it was "messy" and asked appropriate questions about the birth.

We are due with our third child in October, as well, and will for sure have both boys there - available to be part of as much as they would like. Our oldest son will be 5.5yo and our younger son will be 3y1mo. They both still love that book, "Welcome with Love!"

[elmh23]

My 28-month-old attended her baby brother's birth this past Monday. She went a little crazy around 11pm because she was tired, but once she fell asleep, she was much better. She woke up around 2am and would come and visit occasionally (my mom was with her) but mostly stayed in the front room. She was not there for the actual birth (it came very suddenly!) but she got to see ds when he was still attached to me. Unfortunatly, she had to leave the room soon after cause I had some hemorraging and passed out.

[mamamilkers]

My DD was 26 months old and did fabulously. I had two friends there who helped out and they pretty much kept her occupied until right before her little sis was born and then she was in the room just hanging out.

I know it isn't for every child, but I couldn't have asked for my DD to react any more beautifully to the situation (well, except for chucking her sippy cup at the head of her hours sleeping old sister. Oops.)

[pixiewytch]

I don't think it is unreasonable but I don't know how much they would actually remember. At that age I see the decision as more for your benefit than the little one's. My biggest concern at that age would be having someone to take care of them outside of you and your partner. I just had my five year old present at mine and I am eternally grateful for my parents looking out for him. I had not anticipated how much that would be needed because we were so engrossed in the laboring process. If you decide to include the 2 year old, definitely plan for a sitter to help or even remove the little one if needed.

[attachedmamaof3]

nak so excuseany typos.

DS#3-born in December DS#2 was 26 mo...he was asleep in our bed (co-sleep) and was awakened when our MW arrived (7 min bfore birth) ran and got some M&M's, came back and sat on the edge of the bed watching me have Lily...like it was an everyday thing. When he saw her come out he said "MY BABY! I wanna hold it!" loved her from day one...we hadn't prepared him at all because we thought he'd sleep through it (which he almost did!)

[ladybugchild77]

You have gotten great responses. I chose not to have my 19mop dd there becasue like one of thepp said, I needed to keep myself grounded and didn't feel I oculd do that with her there. Of course, I have no family around or friends without little ones to care for her so it may be diferent if there are trusted people to care for your little one. I know I felt guilty fo rnot wanting her there but honestly, it worked out for th ebest for both of us - she was at "school" (day care" and I was not worried about her. Good luck!

[Slingin'Momto4]

My 4 older kids will be present, they are 10, 7, 5 and 4. My 2 yr old will not be present, most likely it will happen at night and I will just leave him sleeping.

[Jenlaana]

this is kind of an issue for me. I'm planning my 2nd UC, and my 12 yr old son and 2 yr old DD will be there in the house. My son was 10 when my daughter was born, and he wasnt in the room w/ us until afterwards (was out in the living room playing on the computer...a rare treat so it kept him quite occupied). My son tends to just rile up the baby, so I'm kind of afraid of whats going to happen this time around. I'm not comfortable with family being with us, because I dont think they could contribute to a calm atmosphere with me doing something "so dangerous" as birthing outside a hospital, and they live 9 hrs away.

So I'm just going to wing it, and hope for the best. If my daughter screams through the birth, I may end up loosing it. :

[aentwood]

Thanks for all the great posts! I'm glad to know it is possible, so we'll keep looking into it and planning for it as long as we feel it will work. My mom wants to come out for the birth again, so I'll need to make sure she's okay with being the big brother helper and not necessarily there for me or to see the new one come.

[ColoradoMama]

Originally Posted by Slingin'Momto4

My 4 older kids will be present, they are 10, 7, 5 and 4. My 2 yr old will not be present, most likely it will happen at night and I will just leave him sleeping.

I haven't had a baby during the night yet! That wouldn't work out for me!

When ds1 was born, dd1 was 27 months. She did well. Dh took her out of the room ocassionally, but she saw the birth. When dd2 was born, ds1 was 23 months and he was super, super clingy, so my Dad took him to the park while I was birthing. When ds2 was born dd2 was three months shy of 3. She was here, but she chose to watch a movie instead of be in the room where the birth took place. Each child was completely different. DD1 has watched all three of her siblings being born.

[loomweaver]

Originally Posted by ~Megan~

dd was 3 when I gave birth. She was very prepared by watching videos of all sorts of births and we explained that mommy would do the things those women did when it was time for her brother to be born.

We did have it set up for a friend to come over to be with her but it ended up being unnecessary. She was asleep for most of it and then when she was awake she watched a new movie and sat with her dad. As I was pushing she came in the room and watched it all with fascination. She did later tell me I was too loud though.

My 2.5 yr old came in when I was pushing, ripping her clothes off because she had been waiting for TWO WEEKS to get in that pool!!
She tells people that "Mommy was screaming in the pool and Carson came out her bummy!"
We look at the pictures of both of their births so that she will remember

[laurata]

My second daughter was a bit over 2 1/2 when her brother was born. It was in the wee hours of the morning and I was pushing when she woke up. Ack! THe plan had been for her to go over to our neighbors house, but my husband just hugged her and explained that "Mommy is working hard to have our new baby, and he'll be here soon." And she went back to bed for another hour! My older daughter was almost 4 when the younger was born (she slept through her brothers birth), and she was a little scared by the placenta, but she did fine with that too. I think the key is to have someone there for your son, to make sure he can leave if he needs to. But personality definately plays a role.