Hi,
This is my first time posting but I have been lurking a LONG time. I hesitated to post because it seems there have been a lot of sad posts lately about loved ones circumcising their precious boys. Unfortunately, I am in the same boat this week and could really use the support of people who don't think I am "alternative" for not wanting someone to cut off a part of their baby. I will preface this by saying I have 4 boys, the first two I ignorantly allowed to be circed, and the last two I left intact after really researching. It has been more than six years since I discovered the truth and I have become very passionate about this issue.
My best friend of 20 years just had a baby boy(her 1st dc) this past Wednesday(a c-section after 3 failed induction attempts at 38 weeks, but that's ANOTHER sad story). When she first discovered she was pregnant I bought her a gift subscription to Mothering in an attempt to introduce her to natural parenting. She has always been very mainstream and I hoped it might open her eyes to other ways of thinking. I have worried about how the circumcision issue was going to affect our friendship since before she even started trying to get pregnant. She is not very easy to talk to about serious issues. She tends to shut down and not say much, so it is hard to guage how she really feels. But, she found out she was having a boy, so brought it up and told her my whole story. At the time (6mos preg.), she wasn't sure what they were going to do, so I told her I would send her some info. to read. She seemed very open to hearing about it and I felt very hopeful. I sent her some links and the video in an email. She didn't reply to my email or bring it up again.
I knew I needed to broach the subject again as I was losing sleep over the whole thing. I knew I need to try to reach her. During a phone call I asked her if she had read my email and looked at the info I sent her. She said she had and she thought it was very interesting. She didn't say what they were deciding to do, but mentioned that her dh thought it was cleaner to circumcise. I quickly rebutted that myth and reiterated that circ was not necessary. She said her OB didn't do them and neither did the Ped she had picked. I encouraged her to ask why they didn't perform them, and I told her I wished that it wasn't even an option for parents. She seemed to agree with me on this point, but wouldn't open up any further on the subject.
Fast forward a month to the birth. I still didn't know their decision, but given that she hadn't mentioned anything to me, I was pretty sure they were going to do it. I was just sick about it this week and had so much anxiety about whether or not to ask her during labor. Turns out I didn't get to see her before the c-section. I saw her the night of delivery, but knew I couldn't bring it up when she was on morphine. I went to see her and the baby yesterday. Oh, he is such a beautiful thing! So sweet and vulnerable. I held him for a long while, torn about what to say to her. I noticed her folder she had put together for the birth and peeked through it. There it was, on her birth plan " I would like my baby circumcised before we leave the hospital." My heart sunk. I left shortly after that feeling sick to my stomach. I didn't know what to say. After another night tossing and turning, I called this morning intent on asking her about it. I wanted her to know that I hoped she wouldn't go through with it. Emotionally, I have to distance myself from her. I can't go hold that baby again knowing what was to come. But, I thought it was unfair to detach myself without an explanantion. She didn't answer her cell, so I left her a message. I started crying. I told her I loved her, but that it hurt my heart to think of that happening to her precious baby. I told her that I know my opinion is not the common one, but that I feel very strongly about this, and I couldn't not say it.
I haven't heard back from her today. I left my message about 5 hours ago. Maybe she hasn't listened to my message.....but, I doubt that. I don't know what will come of this, but I had to try again. I'm sure that they will do it, and I know that there will be this space between us now. I'm so sad over all of it, and so angry. I know I can't be around the baby now without be intensely sad, but I am sad that I cannot be a part of her new joy. It doesn't help that my dh thinks I am being somewhat hypocritical, given we made the same choice before. But I regret those decisions so much, and I so wish that someone I trusted had told me the truth. I wonder if I should have left that message, knowing that she is in a very vulnerable state now. I want to be able to support her. I feel as if I am being selfish and making this about me. On the other hand, I feel that circumcision has continued partly because people treat it like any other parenting decision. And it's NOT. Sometimes it's just not easy being part of the unpopular opinion, is it? If you made it this far, thank you. I really needed to get that out and there aren't many places where my feelings would be even remotely understood.
Jen
This is my first time posting but I have been lurking a LONG time. I hesitated to post because it seems there have been a lot of sad posts lately about loved ones circumcising their precious boys. Unfortunately, I am in the same boat this week and could really use the support of people who don't think I am "alternative" for not wanting someone to cut off a part of their baby. I will preface this by saying I have 4 boys, the first two I ignorantly allowed to be circed, and the last two I left intact after really researching. It has been more than six years since I discovered the truth and I have become very passionate about this issue.
My best friend of 20 years just had a baby boy(her 1st dc) this past Wednesday(a c-section after 3 failed induction attempts at 38 weeks, but that's ANOTHER sad story). When she first discovered she was pregnant I bought her a gift subscription to Mothering in an attempt to introduce her to natural parenting. She has always been very mainstream and I hoped it might open her eyes to other ways of thinking. I have worried about how the circumcision issue was going to affect our friendship since before she even started trying to get pregnant. She is not very easy to talk to about serious issues. She tends to shut down and not say much, so it is hard to guage how she really feels. But, she found out she was having a boy, so brought it up and told her my whole story. At the time (6mos preg.), she wasn't sure what they were going to do, so I told her I would send her some info. to read. She seemed very open to hearing about it and I felt very hopeful. I sent her some links and the video in an email. She didn't reply to my email or bring it up again.
I knew I needed to broach the subject again as I was losing sleep over the whole thing. I knew I need to try to reach her. During a phone call I asked her if she had read my email and looked at the info I sent her. She said she had and she thought it was very interesting. She didn't say what they were deciding to do, but mentioned that her dh thought it was cleaner to circumcise. I quickly rebutted that myth and reiterated that circ was not necessary. She said her OB didn't do them and neither did the Ped she had picked. I encouraged her to ask why they didn't perform them, and I told her I wished that it wasn't even an option for parents. She seemed to agree with me on this point, but wouldn't open up any further on the subject.
Fast forward a month to the birth. I still didn't know their decision, but given that she hadn't mentioned anything to me, I was pretty sure they were going to do it. I was just sick about it this week and had so much anxiety about whether or not to ask her during labor. Turns out I didn't get to see her before the c-section. I saw her the night of delivery, but knew I couldn't bring it up when she was on morphine. I went to see her and the baby yesterday. Oh, he is such a beautiful thing! So sweet and vulnerable. I held him for a long while, torn about what to say to her. I noticed her folder she had put together for the birth and peeked through it. There it was, on her birth plan " I would like my baby circumcised before we leave the hospital." My heart sunk. I left shortly after that feeling sick to my stomach. I didn't know what to say. After another night tossing and turning, I called this morning intent on asking her about it. I wanted her to know that I hoped she wouldn't go through with it. Emotionally, I have to distance myself from her. I can't go hold that baby again knowing what was to come. But, I thought it was unfair to detach myself without an explanantion. She didn't answer her cell, so I left her a message. I started crying. I told her I loved her, but that it hurt my heart to think of that happening to her precious baby. I told her that I know my opinion is not the common one, but that I feel very strongly about this, and I couldn't not say it.
I haven't heard back from her today. I left my message about 5 hours ago. Maybe she hasn't listened to my message.....but, I doubt that. I don't know what will come of this, but I had to try again. I'm sure that they will do it, and I know that there will be this space between us now. I'm so sad over all of it, and so angry. I know I can't be around the baby now without be intensely sad, but I am sad that I cannot be a part of her new joy. It doesn't help that my dh thinks I am being somewhat hypocritical, given we made the same choice before. But I regret those decisions so much, and I so wish that someone I trusted had told me the truth. I wonder if I should have left that message, knowing that she is in a very vulnerable state now. I want to be able to support her. I feel as if I am being selfish and making this about me. On the other hand, I feel that circumcision has continued partly because people treat it like any other parenting decision. And it's NOT. Sometimes it's just not easy being part of the unpopular opinion, is it? If you made it this far, thank you. I really needed to get that out and there aren't many places where my feelings would be even remotely understood.
Jen
: and i dont think you're being selfish -- *she* is, for putting her baby through cosmetic surgery.
: You did the right thing. She did not... Chopping off a piece of her baby is NOT the right thing 
