Very young sibling at birth?

[Daisie125]

DS will be 18 months old when this baby is born. We plan for SIL to come over (she lives right down the street) so he has someone here just for him. However, I'm wondering if it wouldn't be better for them to leave while I'm in labor, I don't want to scare him, and he really will be too young for me to explain things to him beforehand. BUT I also don't want him to come home and find his mommy holding a baby, kwim?

Hopefully this won't be a concern because I have fast labors, and hopfully I'll go in the middle of the night, and he won't even wake up

[stacey2061]

i'm wondering the same about DS who will be 21 months when the next is born...so far my hope is for my mom to come here and watch him. i'm thinking if it's daytime she can just take him in and out of the house depending on the intensity of things. if it's nighttime, i don't know, because, like you, i don't want him to come home to a new baby in mommy's arms, but i don't want to traumatise him either by letting him see/hear too much.

[mendomidwife]

I always suggest that the parents have someone special to be there just for their toddler. That way the FOB doesn't have to leave the laboring mama. Most toddlers like to "come and go"......touch their mom, go off and play....and need constant supervision in general.
If the labor gets intense and the mom makes loud noises it can be scary, so someone to take them for a walk or distract and comfort them is good.
Some moms are fine with shooing the toddler out, but if it would be distracting to you, then maybe it's best to have them taken somewhere else.
If the birth happens at night and they sleep through it - the extra person can take pictures or prepare food....many hands make work light.
Carla

[AugustLia23]

With my first son(15 months at the time), thankfully he was sleeping in the time where I was really in hard labor. He did wake up while I was pushing(I must've been screaming or something ), dp did go to put him back to sleep once, but he woke up again and then we waited until baby came out and then dp went and brought him into our bedroom. I think it ended up working pretty nicely.

We had friends that had been watching him that whole day, but they went home to go get a change of clothes and etc. By the time they got back, baby had been born!

[rstump]

We have always had young siblings at births but like you I go usually in the middle of the night so they miss most of it.

We also have had someone "in charge" of the younger children so IF they become uncomfortable or have needs....they can be attended to without distraction.

[AnneCordelia]

My son was 15 months old at my daughter's homebirth. He just wandered around. I spoke with him and stuff between contrax. He said, "Ok Momma?" a few times and I reasured him I was fine. Then he was OK too.

He woke up from bedtime to see the crowning, give me a post-birth kiss and back to bed.

[ladybugchild77]

Dd #1 was 19 mo when I had dd#2. I didn't want her there because I didn't want her to be scared and I also did not want to have to focus any of my attention on her! I did prepare her for the new baby by reading the Dr. Sears book about babies, taking her to all the MW appts, etc. SHe went to the campus day care where she attends when I am in school and had a great time while I had her sister - I had a 10 hour labpr but only 2 of them were intense so she was there for most of it. She came home right after I devliered and has been in love with her sister ever since! Good luck and congrats!

[luckymamato2]

My ds was 16 months old and was terrified of me while I was in so much pain. I was very vocal He was not present, but was in another room at the BC. He came in about 15 minutes after she was born.

[mamaMary]

my dd is currently 14 months old and i do not plan on having her here, only b/c it will be a distraction to me. this will be my 1st vaginal delivery and she is very clingy as well. i just don't think i'll be able to focus w/ her around. i'm due in 4 wks so she'll be 15 months old.

[mommy2two babes]

I really think it is a personal choice. I have to agree with the PP's about having someone there to look after your toddler. My DD was 23 months when DS was born at home. I coslept and stayed in bed with her until my water broke unexpectedly at 6:00 am (she was a little upsett as she thought she had peed the bed)Things went so quickly from there my person to look after her did not have time to get there. My mom ended up aiding in the delivery as the MW was in the other room getting set up.My DH ended up sitting with DD e was nit comfortable taking part in the actual delivery and the other MW neede assistance to get things done. All in all it was a great experience My DS was born at 6:56. I was able to tandem nurse both of my babies and my DD got to welcome "her" baby right away. She reacted fine to the whole process and I wouln't change having her there.
Krista

[AmieV]

I was very happy to have my toddler go elsewhere while I gave birth. She was 18 months as well. In fact, my contractions didn't really pick up until she was gone and I knew she was being cared for. She was super interested in the birthing pool, of course, because it had fish all over it, and I think it would have been really difficult to distract her from the birthing room once things got going. As a mom I just couldn't focus on what needed to be done until I felt entirely comfortable and that couldn't happen until she was out of the house. My SIL who she loves dearly took her to her house, and baby came within like 4 hours so it wasn't a big deal. She brought her over about an hour after the birth, after we were all cleaned up, placenta delivered, baby stable etc. It worked out really well.

The other nice thing is that she spent the night at my parents house that night as well. Again, she's very close with them and loves going there, but it was nice to have that one night to just bond with the new baby and rest as DD1 was still up at night frequently at that time too.

[Baby Hopes]

While I labored DD1 (24 months at the time) ran errands with my Dad. However, when it became clear that birth was near, she was home with us. Although, technically, she was in the kitchen baking a cake with my younger sister. She knew something was happening, but for the most part was uninterested. (I was in the masterbedroom by the time she came home, fairly secluded from the rest of the home.)

As soon as DD2 was born we brought DD1 in to meet her. Then, after everything settled down we had a gift for DD1 from her younger sister. (A new baby doll and sling.) In those early weeks I would walk and sling DD2 while my eldest followed me around with her baby slung. Rocking and walking.

DD2 spent that night in the other room with my folks, but returned to our bed the following evening. (We were still co-sleeping.)

One thing that we did to "prep" her was that we brought her to all our appointments. We talked to her about where babies come from and we explained that "Mommy is going to have to work hard."

She got involved during labor by helping my younger sister get together a fruit plate for me (and herself ) as well as bake the birthday cake.

We even bought the homebirth story book, and read that a few times during the pregnancy.

This time around DD1 will be 3 1/2 and DD2 will be 21 months. I plan on having my younger sister help out again. Although, depending on how things are going, I might actually allow DD1 into the room for the actual birth. (If she wants to. She tends to be fairly intuned and sensitive to emotion. So I don't want to cause her distress that she might later associate with the baby.)

[Doula Gina]

My experience with clients having a second baby is that labor usually picks up after the older brother/sister is in bed for the night... But then, there are always exceptions. With an older child, it's easier to prepare them a bit - I have several tapes of births and a cassette with labor sounds, so we 'sing along' once in a while so my 3-yo is ready for the sounds in labor and my 6 yo knows how to do counterpressure and wants to bring me drinks in labor .

It's always nice to have someone assigned to each child who is flexible, so that if you need/want them there or not, and if they want/need to be there or not, it's easily feasible. We'll have my sister for one and my mom for the other, and each of them knows that their priority is not watching the birth, but watching and listening to the child. I think it's really hard to know what you'll really want until you are there, doing the birth.