Anyone decide NOT to have sibling(s) present for the birth?

[Jilian]

I'm going back and forth on this one. My DS is 4 and while I'd LOVE to have him present during the HB of his brother I'm also very worried that I won't be able to focus because I'll be too worried about him. He gets very worried when he sees me in pain and I know he'll be clingy. I did not want to be touched AT ALL during a contraction at his birth.

I do plan on having my mother present at the birth just to take care of DS and to leave with him if he needs to go. She's my only option for childcare and she's not a supporter of HB, I'm sure she'll add anxiety to the birth. I just don't know what do to. I know it would be a great experience for DS and it would help with bonding but I don't want it to inhibit my labor.

Any advice or BTDT experiences?

[MommytoTwo]

I am not having my children there. DS is 4.5 and is very clingy and needy and high-maintenance. I dont want to be worrying about him or having him worry about me. The only person I would ask to take care of him is my mom and I dont want her there.
DD is only 2.5 and as much as I would love to show her a positive birthing experience I dont think she will remember it enough to make it worth it for me. I would rather drop them both at my moms and not have to worry about it. DH will pick them up within a few hours of the birth (depending on time of day).
In addition I worry what I would do with them in case of transfer. Leaving them with a neighbor or something till my mom could get there would be my only option and not one I would feel comfortable with.

[krismarie]

me. unless something happens and he needs to be... but i think i'll do better with him somewhere else he will be around (nearby) but not present for it.

[supermuma]

I am also struggling with this issue. My kids are a bit older, and I don't mind them seeing the birth..but I am very concerned about my ability to focus if they are here.

I am leaning toward not having them here because when I was having my ds I did not want anyone near me. I was completely focused in my own little world and I was working hard. I don't want to feel like I am still responsibe for the older kids..even if there is someone here to take care of them, I feel like I will have this feeling. I am afraid that it will slow down my labor.

The plan at this point is for my mom to come when I start labor to be with the kids and to be available to take them to her house if that is what needs to happen. She lives an hour aways though (our closest family really) and so if this birth goes too fast (hoping hoping!) then it won't bother me that the kids are there at all.

Basically, it all depends on how the labor goes and what the energy is like at the time. But, I am leaning toward No.

[AugustLia23]

During my last birth I had my son there but cared for by a close friend. When the baby was actually born, he was sleeping. I did not mind having him around me, but honestly he really wasn't around me too much, I would go and see him, then go back into my bedroom.

I'm hoping it'll be the same way this time. I would like to be able to check on them now and again. If the baby is born while they are awake, I would love for them to be there for it, but I won't be waking them up or anything, and if they don't want to be there, or are too disruptive, I will make sure they are taken away.

[UltimateSerj]

i go back and forth with this, with dd2 , dd1 was there but she wanted to take care of me and touch me and i had my dad take her out to play she was 2yrs 10 months old, with ds it was the middle of the night and we where at my parents house cause it was much closer to our birth center so we left both girls sleeping at the house with my dad. this time i really don't want anyone over, but i don't have anyone to send the kids to really, so i am really hoping that its a middle of the night birth like ds was i think at the end when i start pushing i will have daddy or if i call grandma to come have grandma go wake up my oldest DD to watch the baby be born, i really want her to be there cause she wants to be there i just don't want her there for labor and my 6 yr could be there to but i don't think i want my ds there and but then i do want them all there lol but i don't want all 3 there lol soo i am really just going to play it by ear at the time, MIL lives only 10 minutes away so i could call her to come get them if i really need to

[Jilian]

I think I am really leaning towards not having DS at the birth but for some reason I feel really guilty about that. I think I'll have my mom on stand-by and have her come in early labor with DS. If I want him to leave I'll have her take him away and either bring him back at the end of the birth or bring him back very shortly after the birth.

[ladybugchild77]

I did not have my dd#1 at her sister's birth but she was only 19mo at the time and I felt she was too young and Mama-centric at the time! Since we have no family in the area we took her to the campus day care where she had a blast at "school" while I had a "blast" delivering her 10lb 14oz sibling!:

[~Mamaterra~]

I didn't have my dc present for dd#2 birth b/c I was concerned about how they would handle their mama in the throes of "I can't handle this anymore!!!" during transition....and quite honestly, I needed to focus on keeping myself grounded and in tune with my body.

[Anglyn]

My kids are so mama clingy there is no way I could focus on giving birth! Plus I have no idea how theyd respond to seeing me in pain so no to the little ones and my 15 yr old would be mortified at the suggestion he be present Im sure.

[hannahsmama]

I felt very strongly about not wanting to exclude my 4.25 year old DD from her sister's birth and planned on having her in the room. It was a fast and furious labor, and she was a little--ok, a lot--overwhelmed, so she spent the birth watching TV in the other room with her cousin. Perhaps not the warm-fuzzy family moment I had planned, but she was able to find a comfortable space to occupy while I was very occupied. She didn't want to come in while we were still in the tub, but once we were settled into bed, she climbed in to "help" me nurse. She has hardly let her sister out of her sight since (17 months later).
A long way to say, if you can have a plan B on site, it's nice to have those sibs close at hand.

[luvmygrrls]

I did not have my dd there for the birth of her sister. I got quite vocal in labor and this really helped me cope. I think I would have scared her to death. She was not quite 3 at the time and just don't think I could have focused the way I needed to while she was there. Everyone understands their own kids best. No matter what I think it's important to have another adult present and responsible for their care. I think it sounds lovely when I hear of people having their young children present...I just know it wouldn't work out for us. Both my girls have seen babies born on tv and they get a little concern when the mom's are having a hard time but love seeing the babies in the end. We had her there shortly after the birth and have a great picture of her holding her little sister and checking out her feet. If you feel like it's going to be too much - don't feel guilty about it. It would be different if she was 12 or 13 but sometimes normal birth can even frighten adults let alone small children. Whatever you decide should be right for YOU and your family. This is one of those occasions where it is ok to make yourself the most important person in the equation. You are the one giving birth. If it's right for you to let your child stay; do so. If it's not make other arrangements.
--Kinsey

[luckymamato2]

I think that if we have a third child, it will be born at home, and I couldn't imagine shuffling my older children off anywhere. I probably won't have much support from our family, but hopefully I will find a crunchy, HB friendly mom to come over for a "playdate" while I give birth. Perhaps I would allow that person to take my children elsewhere, but not someone who is not 100% supportive. I don't know if they would want to stick around and watch, but I wouldn't be against it. I hope that I'm more in control the next time, i.e. more peaceful, serene, etc. and not writhing around and screaming. That really scared my 16 month old (at the time) ds.

[Guest*]

Originally Posted by Jilian

I'm going back and forth on this one. My DS is 4 and while I'd LOVE to have him present during the HB of his brother I'm also very worried that I won't be able to focus because I'll be too worried about him. He gets very worried when he sees me in pain and I know he'll be clingy. I did not want to be touched AT ALL during a contraction at his birth.

That's how I felt. In the end, I didn't want my dd there and she didn't want to be there. My picked her up and took her for the night, then brought her back the next day. I'm very happy with that decision because my labor was very quick and intense and I needed to have complete focus on that. I couldn't relax with dd there.

[SaraC]

I did not have DD #1 with me when DD #2 was born at a birth center. I had originally planned to take her with us but she got sick that day and was running a fever and had loose stools. My mom was there so we had to leave her with my mom. I was so relieved to have that decision made for me since I had been going back and forth on what to do. My labor was not very long but it did have intense moments and I was glad to be able to focus on the task at hand. We left for the birth center right as she was going to bed and were home before she woke for the day so she really didn't know we were gone. She was 22 months at the time.

I am not planning on having my DDs here during this birth. I think they would be overwhelmed and possibly scared at some of the noises I might make. If they are sleeping and I go into labor then we will keep them here but otherwise I am working on having someone come to tend to them and leave if needed.