Best time to go back to work?

[Ansett]

Hi all,
I'm currently pregnant with my first baby, due 4/20. Can't believe that's only next month! Wow!
Here is what my partner and I have planned... We would like to avoid having our baby in daycare, so I am going to stay home with firstborn for about a year. I want to get all the good breastfeeding in, attachment parenting, etc. Then I will go back to work and DP will come home to stay, probably for a few years since we will be getting her pregnant in a couple years. That's the tentative plan. But I've been reading that from people's experiences, little ones go through a really clingy phase around 1 year when they really really want their primary caregiver and are not satisfied with anyone else. Can anyone confirm this? Is one year of age the wrong time to transition from one mommy at home to the other? Will that be a really hard time for her to go through that change? If so, when is a better age? Earlier? Later?
Thanks for any advice.
Ansett

[alllyssa]

I can honestly say that my baby Klara strongly prefers my husband to me. If he is around, she only wants him. Every baby is different tho, you just never know so staying flexible if possible is the best thing :-)

[FtMPapa]

That has not been my experience - I'm currently babysitting a 15 month old and have been since August, when he was eight months old. He has been in daycare three days a week since September, and he sees me once or twice a week for several hours and the occasional evening. He's quite happy to be with me or either of his mums, and I'm sure he's happy at daycare, too.

The only time he's really clingy is when he's sick (which is kind of a lot, when you've got three kids at three different daycare/preschool/schools the germs multiply) and when he's tired. When he's clingy, he wants somebody, and it can be whichever of us is around.

Of course, every baby is different, so your experience will almost certainly be different.

[max_4477]

Yeah, I don't think there's any magically good or bad age. Each kid is different. Mine wasn't especially clingy at all at one year. (We started daycare at 9 mos but would have loved to wait for a year - not b/c it was hard on him, more so on me.)

[CynicalStar]

As the others have said, it will depend on your child, but also on each parent's comfort level with the change. Your child will feed off your fears/tension/etc.

Our son has gone through several clingy phases, at a variety of ages. Occasionally there is a tearful good-bye, but "out of sight, out of mind" quickly comes into play. He gets occupied with playtime, socializing (if at daycare) and is perfectly content moments later. He always greets us with a huge smile when we return to him.

[Shiloh]

all kids are different, my first two were really independant my third is still clingy at 2 years old for me to have gone back at a year would not have phased dc1 or dc2, for dc3 he'd still be traumatized.

some women love being at home at different stages of their lives, I have a friend that stayed home for a year with baby1 then had baby2 2 years later called work when baby2 was two weeks old and said when can I come back tomorrow? and she did!

Your child will let you know when they are ready, if they are ready. and you will know if you are, my 2 year old clingy child is getting more independant I thought of going back and I am the one who would be traumatized more than he would being away from him at this point! (I interviewed last month just the thought that they might offer me the job I slept 2 hours a night I was so stressed about leaving the kids!)

A year is a long time and I don't know what type of job you do but you might want to think outside the box in how you go back to work...like if you have a job you could do flexible/work from home about hiring a sitter in your house so you are 'there' but still working. Or using the time 'off' to go back to school part time.

Relax a baby changes a relationship I had friends the one wife had the first the other wife got pregnant with the second while the first was breastfeeding.... the first to get pregnant felt a bit redundant, overwhelmed being breastfeeding stay at home mama to an infant, and supporting a pregnant wife, she also liked being at home and didn't want to switch roles and go back to work. Things always change when you have kids!

[Ansett]

Thanks guys! All really helpful comments! My DP is willing to give me the time baby and I need to give offspring number 1 the best start. She knows that once she comes home to stay, it will likely be a few years before she will be able to work again (like maybe not until the kids are in school). Since I have a higher earning potential that she does, she is the logical one to stay home for longer. And she's really looking forward to it. I just hope I'm not jealous!