Originally Posted by Trinitty
I haven't read the other posts.
I would have just said that he can be a DADDY and hold his babies all day long if he wants to, as he is probably scared that being a Daddy = being away, it doesn't need to be that way, and I would have assured him of THAT. Daddy's can be nurturing and hands-on and loving, etc.... I'm not saying that your husband isn't those things, but he sees what he sees as a three yearold.
He actually can't be a mommy as he knows a mommy to be, so I would never say that to a boy, but, that doesn't mean that you can't be gentle and understand what it's like to be three years old. I think your Mom might have went a little overboard by calling it a "lie" - but I also don't equate it to Santa.... Santa isn't part of the development of the self, whereas Mommies and Daddies is.
I don't think telling him that he can be a Daddy but not a Mommy is putting your child into a gendered box, it's reality.... and that's okay. You can make sure that reality isn't harsh and scary without talking nonsense.
There are several problems with this logic. First, the OP's little boy said that he wants to be a Mommy not because he wants to give birth but because he knows
mommies to be nurturing, soft, caring and around
. In his viewpoint, daddies are missing for a good chunk of time. -Assuming that he misses Daddy, it is reasonable to think that he doesn't want to be a Daddy because he doesn't want his kids to miss him.
The OP can't just say "daddies can be around all the time too and you must
be a daddy, not a mommy" and expect the 3 year old to say, "I understand mother, you are obviously correct". Little kids are very literal and need concrete examples. Telling
a child of that age won't be helpful, the child needs to be shown
an example of a daddy who stays at home. Especially when it is something that is troubling. In general, I don't have a problem with just explaining something to kids but it seems that this little one is trying to work out some feelings and he should be allowed to do it.
My other issue, others have pointed out, is mommies do not have to give birth to be a mom. And last, it seems like the people who are saying, of course he can't be a mommy
are doing so because they feel uncomfortable with a boy being called a mommy. This is because of gender roles. Maybe mommy should be redefined to be primary caregiver. Then the little boy could grow up to be a mommy and everyone is happy.