today's just been hard

[asoulunbound]

I feel really dumb, but I have just been having a hard time today. Today would have been four years and two months together if my fiance and I hadn't broken up this weekend. There was alot leading up to the decision, but I think it was a wise one. It still sucks.
I just am angry and hurt and sad and all the normal grieving stuff. I feel stupid. We were supposed to get married in May. Everything reminds me of him.
We've both spoken to our parents, and I don't know about his but mine are being supportive and not saying stuff like they never really liked him anyway and junk like that.
I think it's hard because we had a date and all that jazz, but I let him into every part of my life. I even took him to the grave of my little brother (Trisomy 13, he was 2 months old). That was so personal for me I could sleep with him before I could go with him to the cemetary.
I don't know why I'm posting here, if a mod thinks it shouldn't be here you can move it.

[babygrant]

I'm not a mod, but I don't see why your post wouldn't belong in here. You are greiving the loss of a loved one whom is no longer a part of your life.

[AntoninBeGonin]

I'm sorry you're having such a rough day.

[mamabeca]

Hard to lose that long term of a relationship. I hope it gets easier, but it takes t i m e. And lots of it. HAng in there! Write and journal as much as you can. You are a good writer, and it might help.

[rabrog]

Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry you're having a rough time. And, yes, I believe this post does belong here.

How mature of you to know that it wasn't the right thing for you, that he wasn't the right person. I know it hurts like hell now, but it was a big step you took to look hard at the relationship before you got married.

Can you plan a girls weekend away for the day of and around what would have been your wedding? Make it a special time with friends and a time to heal. It's a different beginning, a new beginning and you will be stronger for it.

for you and a too.

Jenn

[STBSM]

Im sorry your having a rough day! Hang in there Mama!

[asoulunbound]

update

We've talked since we broke up, and I believe there's a possibility for reconciliation... maybe it's just wishful thinking. He seems to still care alot for me- that's what he has expressed, anyway (He told me he loves me, I'm not reading btwn the lines or anything!). He told me he honestly is not sure if he's good enough for me... I guess the cynical might say that's just a line, but I'm okay with believing him.
...I don't know. I finish college in May, (provided I pass everything!) so I'm just spending these next months single. If we did get back together, we both agreed the long distance thing will not work (He's in Reno, NV, and I'm in Dallas). It wasn't like that always, we both met in MD when we lived there. He went to school and I went to school and we did okay for a year and a half. Frankly, we both got sick of it! It's just too hard.
I think it would hurt less if there hadn't been a fling with someone else. Please don't think ill of him, I don't want this to be me bitching about what happened because we might get back together and we might not. Calling him names behind his back seems immature, anyway. Her, on the other hand... Kidding, kidding.
I think that's what hurts the most: to hear him say he loves me, but to know there was someone else, even if it was just a weekend, not a long term relationship... but if I think about it too much, I'll get upset again, so yeah. That, and my grammar is getting really sloppy.
Just felt like updating.