Why shouldn't I? ttc (x-posted in Infertility)

[girlie1125]

I posted my story up til now in "Can I post here?", short version, DP and I are ttc, and after first cycle (on clomid 50) nada in the way of follicles, distraught over having to start all over again.

RE has me on clomid 100s this cycle. I'm thinking "WTF GOOD IS THAT GONNA DO?!?"

I realize that some people that had nothing on clomid 50 do sometimes have success with clomid 100. Some. And I understand that, like the RE's nurse said, "Well, we'll get you there, you don't want to have 6 or something!"

BUT, we're LESBIANS, and we're doing CD 14 u/s every cycle. If there are too many good follies, doc will cancel any IUI plans. We *CAN'T* get pg on our own without the IUI!!! Maybe its my impatience, but I'm wondering why not start higher and cut back? We're not the typical RE clients, so this baby steps at a time routine is just KILLING me.

/rant

Sorry, I'm just sooo absolutely frustrated right now. I just *know* that the 100s won't work, (or at least feel that way) then I'll be distraught all over again and whoop-de-do, on to Clomid 150s.

I do have refills available on my clomid rx, so I have half a mind to go get a refill, and take 150 this month. If, by some weird miracle, it produced 10 perfect follies, I'll let doc know that ok, strangely 100 may be the way to go cuz I took 150 on my own.

If nothing in the way of follies, I tell doc I took 150 on my own, so no need to try that for the next cycle.

If everything is perfect (less than 4 good sized follies, according to RE) then great! It worked! Maybe 100 would have worked, too, but as long as its just enough and not too many follies, who cares?

Obviously I understand the fertility industry's obligation to prevent as many high-order multiple pgs as possible, and that even if a couple is 99% certain that hubby has fertility issues, starting with high-dose meds and a few 'miracle' swimmers getting in there can equal septuplets. But not for us, not even remotely!!!

Am I just being horribly impatient? We are self-pay, so going the "slow and steady" route is costing us a bunch! Would *you* go for it and take 150 this cycle? Or would you hit me over the head with a firm pillow and tell me to snap out of it?

If you *would* do it, would you ask doc about it first? (I would get the refill first before asking doc lol).

I even considered doing 100 last cycle, but didn't, because I was sooo hopeful that it would work at 50. I have been so completely depressed and heartbroken and just...crushed the last few days, even my kids notice it.

What would you do? Should I? I guess I can't see any harm in it, really...give me your opinion please.

Thanks

[mamastotwo]

My first question before giving any advice is how old are you?

[mamastotwo]

Okay, I read your cross post and see you are 27 and have PCOS.
If it were me (and this is based on the experience of both my partner and I basically trying almost everything TTC#3 in the past five years) What did the RE say about your lining? If it was good then i would try the 100 clomid and see what happens, if you overstim they'll cancel so i wouldn't want to jump to 150. If your lining was not so good you may be one of those people who clomid does not agree with (my DP is like that). If so you may want to use injectables, that's what my DP has to do to get 2-3 good follicles. I get pregnant with 100 clomid so i go with that because it's cheap and easy.


I know it's hard to be patient. But as our RE has told us a million times it's just a matter of getting the right egg with the right sperm and baby steps can get you there. Hang in there and feel free to ask any questions - we have been through a lot with this - the good and the bad.

[girlie1125]

I have no idea about my lining. All I got at the u/s was "nothing much over here....or...over here either. Nurse will give you prescriptions for next cycle."

That's all I got. Should I call and ask? Is that something you can tell on a cd 14 u/s? I've already started the Provera for this cycle.

I'm trying to get myself out of this funk, but it just seems like once an hour or so, this...emptiness comes over me and I'm back down in it.

Thanks for the response, though. If I can get some info about lining, I will definitely ask to switch to injectibles if clomid is interfering.

[mamastotwo]

Definitely ask, they can look right on the picture printout of your u/s. My DP is one of those where clomid causes her lining to be VERY thin. She only tried it twice and never again (iirc 100mgs each time). Our RE said it was too thin for successful implantation.

[girlie1125]

Do they automatically do printouts of each u/s? I didn't get a printout, and he seemed to be moving so quickly that I don't think he printed one out, unless this is a standard procedure I'm not aware of....

And thanks so much for the answers .

[mamastotwo]

With all u/s our RE always prints a couple screen shots to keep in our file at the office. Baselines and everything.

[shoelace]

just wanted to let you know that i too have pcos and my first cycle of clomid at 50 didn't work out. my second and third did though. so i wouldn't suggest jumping to 150 just yet, although i totally understand your frustration. i am so desperate to concieve and it seems like whatever can go wrong, is. i find the worst part is the lack of control. like if my dp had sperm we could at least be trying. you know. i'd way rather be trying and failing then never even getting to the trying stage.

fingers crossed that your ttc roller coaster is a short ride. good luck.

[gamitzer]

I can't help too much with the Clomid question, but I am sorry for what you are going through. Is there another RE you could use? Or could you maybe request another discussion, during which you could go over the exact results of the u/s, and figure out a workable plan for everyone?
In our case, and in the case of our close friends, we were very forceful with our REs about the fact that we were using a limited amount of expensive frozen sperm and needed to keep that in mind each cycle. In both cases, our REs had worked with lesbians before and were understanding about our financial situation. That's not to say it wasn't still expensive, but we felt like the RE understood our needs better than other REs we heard about.
And, if it helps any, I have PCOS, and about 10 years ago, I was being told to try having kids by age 24, or it might never work. But now I am always being told by OB/GYNs and REs that it would be a snap for me to get pregnant (I'm 29). So...keep the faith and good luck! Meredith

[girlie1125]

Thanks so much everyone.

I did call my RE's office, and ask for more information about the u/s. They told me that my lining was an 8, and that was fine (no clue what the range of 'fine' is, tho...).

Luckily we are doing the u/s before doing IUI and not wasting expensive donor sperm, so at least that is helping to keep the expense down.

I think I've come to terms with trying 100 this cycle to see how it goes. I just *know* if I upped it to 150 myself and had too many follies or something, I would just totally kick myself for it.

I guess I'm just frustrated. I think it just hit me harder than I thought it would that it didn't work out this cycle. I don't think it will sting quite so much if it doesn't work with 100, but then again ask me in about 28 days after AF comes and I've gone through another emotional round with clomid.

Thanks for the responses, though. And I do agree that if DP was DH, I would at least feel better if we could "try on our own" and hope that maaaybe it would happen miraculously. But, we do what we can, I suppose.

Now I'm off to nurse the headache and super sensitivity to light that I've got all of a sudden...probably either a leftover side effect of the Clomid, or from the Provera. What fun : .