How much to expect from 12 year old? - Page 2

[dharmamama]

I figured out why Desta was in such a horrible mood the other day. On the way to Grandpa's, we stopped at my dh's work to pick him up. We also switched cars. My dad had picked up the two younger kids from dh's work and taken our car, with the carseats, and left his truck for dh. We drove my dad's truck to his house so we could return it and pick up our car. It's the kind of truck with the extended cab with backseats that face sideways. Desta rode in the backseat on the way to Grandpa's, and apparently she disliked it enough that it ruined her whole evening.

Namaste!

[greenhaven]

Now THAT sounds like a 12 year old! LOL!
I also have issues with my older ds denying that a particular behavior occured. Even with multiple witnesses!

I tend to do just what you did...don't engage in a fruitless debate about whether or not the behaviors occured...just spell out the expectations and enforce them in the future.

For what it's worth, I don't think it matters at all whether she wanted to be there or not. I believe kids should be respectful and tolerant in social situations, especially with family, regardless of their desire to be there. I don't mean to fake it, but to not be a butthead about it...and Desta is plenty old enough to know and follow these rules. If she hasn't had much time under your tutelage, then these things will take time, but you are right on track. Sounds to me like you are a positive influence in her life!

[Stinkerbell]

One other thing I wanted to add is that while it is NOT okay to be rude to people who invite you in their home (ever. period) I do think that from an outside perspective it sounds like shes really trying to get adult's attention at all. Perhaps she needs some one on one interaction outside of home in a very positive setting to loosen her up a bit in order to get to her level? She wont be receptive to your discussions if she doesn't feel engaged...you know what I mean?

[red moon]

Roar, I am new here but I just want to say that you are speaking to my heart here. Thank you for your wise insights. They feel like the sort which I know already but often need help remembering/ awakening. Especially when I am in a heated moment. I have 2 boys 9 and 12 (birthdays coming up in June). I feel so completely lost sometimes over these same quandries. Thank you beautiful mommas!