, hug! my dh too accuses me of making "unilateral" decisions with regard to the baby. he is reconciled to having no say in the midwife vs. ob thing because it's my body (although he was not exactly predisposed to a non-dr, esp as the mws are not covered by insurance) and because he comes to all my appts with me and has grown to really like/respect the mws, who are not anti-Western medicine at all. i would definitely bring him along as much as possible.
it's harder with regard to the baby. i feel like certain things are non-negotiable, because i have given them more thought/research. but i try to find ways to get buy-in from him. for example, i really want to expose our babe to sign language (dh was an extremely delayed talker). i sell this, and baby massage, as special things he can do with baby. he also got really excited when i told him that i would like for him to take a walk with baby every day after work -- supposedly one of baby's fussy times, and also so taht i have some me time to check in with you all, etc.
nonetheless, he is still not on the same page as fast as i would like him to be. i picked out a diaper bag for our registry, and asked him which color he wanted, and he didn't respond for days -- like he just doesn't focus on stuff that far in advance. like i make the registry and he says yes dear, that's so cute. (when i do involve him, he has whack ideas like black crib sheets -- what do you mean they don't make those? much more practical!)
the biggest barrier is the daycare stuff -- we need to interview separately for some places, which are very uptight about their philosophies, so DH needs to get educated, and on some level I think he approaches babe as a brainless blob, so he wants them to be nurturing and nice and well-paid so there is low turnover for attachment purposes, but that he can't talk the talk (reggio? montessori? piaget?) to get us a slot. so i am stalling on that a bit.
i was really frustrated that he wasn't reading about pregnancy/birthing, but he read simkin's birth partner,
so i am now proud of him. he grooved on it, btw. i was pushing one book for so long and he read everything else (magazines, histories, nothing about babies!), and then i gave him a choice of 3 (birth/baby) books to take on this business trip, and responded better to me being (a little) less dictatorial.
this is not to say that i get perfect buy-in from him yet, bc i don't. i asked him yesterday if Roo (that's our nickname for the gender-unknown baby, as in Kanga and Roo) loved us, and he said Roo didn't feel anything.
: He used to say he didn't love Roo yet, but he loved me loving Roo, so now at least he says he loves Roo. So there's progress, just not on my schedule.