Pregnant with #1 in our 30s - Page 2

[beckyphry]

Hi Shibaby! I'm sorry about your insurance issues. I thought that pregnancy would automatically make you eligible for Medicaid in any state. I hope it comes through for you!

I must admit, I'm also a pro-u/s person. I mean, I wouldn't get one every appt or anything, but I think a few during pregnancy are good for my emotional well being. Just knowing that everything looks the way it should look helps me to relax, and that's good for my baby!

A friend gave me some of her leftover pregnancy tea and YUM!! I love it! Is anyone drinking a pregnancy tea they like? Or RRL?

[PiePie]

MATERNITY LEAVE: I agonize over this too. In an ideal world I would like to be at home for the infant and toddler years. This will not be possible for several reason: 1. We just don't have the $. 2. My field punishes women who are out too long. 3. My DH is not supportive of SAHM'ing. Part of this derives from #1 and 2, but it's bigger than that -- his mom was a SAHM because she thought it was the right way to parent but really she thought she should be running a lab an at R1 university, and she was very resentful of her kids and depressed, and it was not good from DH's perspective. Not to mention that then she had severe problems with #2. I have transferred this anxiety into worrying over childcare slots. We are too late for most waiting lists already, and as a PP mentioned, there are very expensive places and slots for low-income kids and next to nothing in between, especially for infants. So my ambivalence has meant that I've done a lot of internet research but not enough phoning (lovely to find out that their site lies and they only take old kids), touring, applying, and interviewing. So what I want is 6 months. As my whole career path is very tenous right now, we'll see what happens IRL.

[ATD_Mom]

Wow. I feel so badly for those of you who are in a position to have to return to work in the very early weeks of parenthood. An officemate of mine returned to work after her 6-wk leave, and I literally watched her have a complete breakdown. It really left a mark on me.

In Canada, you are expected to leave for one year. If someone returns before that time, their parenting is questioned. The government pays 55% of your previous pay while you're out, and some companies will fill in the other 45%. It is just a part of life here, has been since the early 70's. You see professional positions posted quite frequently for "a one-year maternity leave term."

I have a looong list of complaints about Canada, but for this point I am thankful. I wish all AP parents could move here.

[greengrey]

Emily - I missed you too!!!

PiePie - I totally think you're right about the DDC issue. This thread or rather the people in it, we're all doing something at similar points in our lives and have probably made similar decisions to get here (and yup I totally live in the city...). Seriously Dee, best idea ever!!

As for maternity leave, I'm with ATD_Mom and I am so sympathetic to the women in the US with this whole maternity leave issue. We get a year up here that you can take or split with your husband/partner. Like ATD_Mom said, you get paid 58% of your salary and your company can choose to top up the rest of your pay (mine only does for 2 weeks thereafter, some do for 3 months and if you're a government employee, you're high rollin' the entire year). You do however have to work at least 600 hours in order to gain the ability so to speak to take the maternity leave pay as you it's similar to Unemployment Insurance so it's definitely not "free" but still.

My husband and me have decided so far to split the leave either 6 months me, then 6 months him or 7/5 months etc. This is partly because he really wants to have the experience of staying at home with our baby and partly because I make more, so a salary cut for me would be more detrimental to house hold bills than if he took it. Hence the attempt to budget the months we split.


In terms of daycare we need to start having a conversation with both moms who are both not working. His mom is retired so she can help and my mom though she stays at home, lives 3 hours away, which really sucks because she's like ready to move in to help. But first we are going to try and get my husbands work shift switched. If he can go back to his full time 12 hour shifts on Fri-Sun, we would only need his mom's help one day a week. Which would be basically a dream come true. So we'll see.


Ladies talk to me about these Bella Bands...I've read so much about them but then I saw some at Motherhood Maternity and thought that they looked (in the package) like the top part of Control Top pantyhose. Are they made of nylon? Or can you get some that are made of say cotton and spandex, more like a tube top. I know I am going to have to invest in these even for down the line because I am a giant (5'11) and by the time month 8 or 9 rolls around I fear that most tank tops etc won't be long enough to go around my belly to my pants/skirts. Is the BB brand the best to get? Or are there other makes?


Clouds have lifted with my maternity clothing drama.
I got a pair of cargo/can be turned into capri pants from Thyme that were actually long enough and decided to suck it up and get another pair of Old Navy long ones. I had to go to a different Old Navy location where I know they tend to carry more Long ones and what do I do? Like a crazy woman take out 5 pairs of M Longs and compare the lengths, then take the longest pair out of them (Old Navy's quality control is tragic - you can try on 3 items in the same size and they will all fit differently). And I am going to do the usual step on the denim and pull it when it's wet post wash and hang dry to get another 2 inches out of the fabric. When is it capri season again??!!! :


Morning sickness is so not fun! Anyone get night sickness? That was my plague. I find that whenever I notice that my tummy has gotten bigger, that's the day I know I will be hugging the porcelain God. It seems that when they grow, that's when you start feeling sick. Could be my imagination though...

Wow. I cannot believe how much I missed talking to everyone here!!

[rock_dr]

I wasn't really in your ttc cohort but you look like a fun group and I'm certainly pregnant in my 30s!

greengray: I have the mimi maternity belly bands which are spandex/nylon. I wore it almost every day until I got huge about a month ago, now I don't like the pressure (babe is sitting very low). I've heard that some moms just go buy cheap hanes or similar white tshirts in a size or two smaller, cut off the top, and use that...

[Dee-Groovy]

Rock Dr! Yay another science geek!

I am *SO* jealous of the Canadian maternity leave program! Alex it sounds like your having your mom & MIL help will be awesome. My mom & MIL live within 10 miles of eachother but I'm 500 miles away from them.

Shiba I'm sorry you're having a tough time with medicaid. I'm looking into that now too & it's totally confusing.

Thanks for the input on the belly bands. I'm not quite big enough yet (in the morning anyway ) but when the time comes I'll probably try the hanes t-shirt or tube top instead. I also saw this neat panel that has elastic on top & buttons into your pants to extend them. Wonder if that works - looks more engineered and durable than a band of fabric.

Happy Sunday everyone!

[beckyphry]

Welcome Rock Dr!

Dee, I also feel you on not having family nearby to help. My in-laws are 20 minutes away but they both work a ton of hours every week, plus I can't stand my MIL so the less time she spends with my kid the better.

My parents live an 8 hour car ride away. I'm so sad about that. Nothing has made me realize how much I need my mom more than getting pregnant. It kills me that my child won't grow up with them a few miles away like I did with my maternal grandparents. My brother and his wife and kids live 2 hours north of us, and my parents get out to see them quite frequently, and I've considered moving back to that area just to be near family. I don't know though, my husband isn't too hot on that idea. Ugh. Although if we lived in a less expensive area, like where my brother lives, I could probably be a SAHM.

*sigh* Growing up is HARD.

[Charlie07]

Hi all

I may be a little slow, lost, certainly not up to speed, but what is TTC? I know, you are probably all laughing or thinking 'Who is this person??' but when I saw the title 'in our 30's' I presume this is a thread for 'slightly older mums to be' so I hoped I could join in. Am I right so far?

Not read all posts yet, but thought I would write a note, make sure I was up to speed and then go through everyones messages.

I am fairly new to the forum (hence not knowing a thing that is going on!), I am about 9 weeks, started spotting about last Wednesday and still going (not red just brown so keeping a close eye), not been to the docs yet ( I live in BG, so got to find a baby doc next week), I have hardly any symptoms of pregnancy now ( Am I really pregnant.....well 2 tests said yes ), dizziness about 2 weeks ago, sore boobs which have now stopped, no sickness. I have to say I want a symptom, it actually worries me that I have nothing!

Ok, I will stop waffling now and get reading everyones messages.

Charlie

[mamaganic]

Hey everyone! I'm 31, and someone said to me the other day how interesting it was that I was choosing to have a baby 'later in life'. I don't think I'm late at all! In fact, I couldn't imagine not spending my 20's schooling and travelling and well... being a 20 something slacker.
Yay for us OLD mamas...

[ATD_Mom]

Hello and welcome!

Charlie, TTC means "trying to conceive." There's a monthly thread over on the TTC board for folks who are trying to conceive #1 in their 30s. Some folks really got to know each other on that thread, and were missing the camaraderie of those same ladies (ahem, mamas) over here on the pregnancy board.

That's where this thread started, but now it has lots of other first-time mamas in their 30s, too. Which is great!

[beckyphry]

Welcome, Charlie! What brought you out to Bulgaria? Sorry for your spotting, but you're right, it's probably nothing. Lots of women have some bleeding or spotting during their pregnancies and go on to have healthy babies.

Welcome, Tree! You're right, 31 is not "later in life"! We're just older and wiser now, and I think your 30s is the perfect time to start a family!

[amberbella]

CRUD!!! Feeling so sick today. I was hoping it was over...but I guess it doesn't just stop like that...probably more of a taper thing. Oh well, at least I had a nice weekend almost nausea free.

UGH!!! I feel so yucky.

[ChristyM26]

I have to agree with the pps who said they're jealous of the canadian maternity leave program. I'll probably take the last weeks of the semester off and start fresh with the second semester but that'll end up being tight money-wise. I know I'll be heart broken to have to leave my baby but I'm working on some alternatives (like working for a test-prep company) that will be more flexible. Hopefully I can find a way out of teaching (which would be the best situation) but I don't know if it's possible or not.

I'm also waiting for m/s to kick in. I expect it any day now... although I'm only in week 4 so maybe it'll take another week or so to show up. I'm hoping not, but my mom said she got real sick with all of us, so... I'm not to hopeful to escape it.

Welcome Charlie!

[hazieluna]

Sorry I haven't been around too much, my ms is back and I've been feeling down because of it.... I'm 14 weeks tomorrow so I'm hoping this is the taper off part. Don't get me wrong it's gotten a lot better but I'm not quite at the glowing part of pregnancy...

Welcome to all these 'old' first timers... geez, I have to laugh at that... 35 and still waiting for maturity to hit!!

Btw Christy, my ms didn't start until around week 7... up until then I ENJOYED eating like never before. I'm : that you have Becky's luck and skip the ms ordeal!

Well I'm not in the States but the maternity leave here in the Netherlands is 16 weeks, 4 before your due date and then about 3 months after the birth. Not very good in my opinion! In Czech Republic women get 3 years! Okay I think only for the first year you get your full pay and then it goes down... not really sure by how much.

I'm in a bit of a different bind, I quit my job just before I found out I was pregnant and now I'm unemployed. I'm trying to get something to tide me over until I have the baby and then take time off to take care of her. I have to be quick since once I really start showing it will become impossible. I know employers don't want to hire pregnant women even though it's illegal to discriminate. We will see...

Sorry - trying to catch up all in one post so it's turning into a mega-post!!!

Bellabands - these are super popular here although not really this brand. They have such really cute designs. You see all these pregnant women sporting them. I looked at the bellabands website and wow expensive and boring designs. Here the just seem to be a fashion accessory. My sister has one that has a spiral of names in the front, very funny almost like a bullseye.

Well I think that's enough otherwise you all will start banning my posts for being so long winded....

chow for now

[Dee-Groovy]

Charlie and Tree!

Amberbella sorry you're feeling sick again - I had hoped you were done with it too.

Natalia the same goes for you. Write mega-posts any time - we'll never ban you ! Good luck finding a job, it must be kinda stressful trying to find something before you start showing. I know what you mean about discrimination being illegal but happening anyway. Maybe you could check out an agency that hires temporary workers?

Christy I'm waiting for m/s to kick in too but I'm *so* hoping it won't! I'm 6w2d now and every morning I wake up wondering how I'll feel once I start moving. Does anyone eat crackers before you get out of bed? My mom swears that helped and she never got sick. I also heard oatmeal before bed it good, I guess the idea is to have something on your stomach before you move and oatmeal "sticks to your ribs."

Becky I've considered moving closer to my family too but the job opportunities there are practically nonexistant. There's a local university where I could teach but I guess I'd need a postdoc first, which I wouldn't be able to do there. Honestly neither the postdoc nor teaching sound all that great to me right now.

[PiePie]

i just wanted to share that my quad screen tests, which i was nervous abt bc i had them at 15 wks which is apparently late enough to increase false positives, came back good!! :

natalia, are you on the job mkt too??

[popbaby]

Where were you guys 9 months ago??!!! LOL

I am just popping in to say hi...I am 39, and just had my first child 7 weeks ago. I would have LOVED to have this thread throughout my pregnancy! Sheesh! I found this Mothering forum about the end of my 7th month and it was one of the best things that happened...I've learned so much from the ladies on this forum.

Just wanted to say a few things...

Belly Band: I wore one directly on my belly for support. I started doing it around my 5th month, I found that if I didn't wear it, my back hurt and my belly didn't feel as supported...so if anything, I recommend it not to extend your wardrobe, but to support the belly. Spanx looks like they have some fantastic options (go to www.spanx.com and click on maternity)

Sleeping: I had no problems sleeping...ya know why? I got a body pillow...the one that is u shape..I bought it on amazon.com...can't remember the name, but it's shaped like a U sort of...IT ROCKS..it supported me from 5-9 months and I swear I wouldn't have slept half as well without it...my DP called it my cocoon.

I also switched from my regular big hospital/OB to a smaller local hospital with a midwife, and it was the most incredible experience ever. It was an all natural delivery with no inductions...It wouldn't have been this way if I hadn't spent countless hours on the "I'm Pregnant" and Birth Stories" threads learning everything I could.

The one other thing...what you think you'll feel like when you see your babe is nothing like you can imagine...it's insanely, incredibly awesome and the love is unlike anything you can describe. The word "daycare" takes on a whole new meaning when you look into the face of your child...at least that what happened to us....we couldn't bare the thought of having a stranger take care of her during her first year...needless to say, my DP is now a SAHD and I luckily work out of the house mostly, with 2 days a week of local travel. We were maybe going to have a nanny a few days a week, or daycare, and in the end opted for DP to stay home full time. It just can't be any other way for us right now, and we are so lucky to have this option, we understand that this isn't realistic for many...damn maternity leave laws in this country! I wish I could stay home full time, but I am the "breadwinner" so to speak, and my DP had been home the last year working full time on the house we are renovating, so it made sense for him to continue to stay home. (I am from Canada originally, and seriously, we should have moved back there to take advantage of the leave!! LOL!!)

...and oh...take all 12 weeks if you can...I thought I would take 8 - 10...nope...I can't bare to leave my peanut yet...I am just enjoying are long days of uninterrupted bonding....

Good luck with your pregnancies everyone!!! Once your babies come, join us over at Life With A Babe!

[beckyphry]

amberbella, yuck on your m/s! Hopefully it will start to fade really soon!

Christy, hopefully you'll be one of the lucky ones and the m/s fairy will pass you by!

Natalia, what a pain, trying to to find a job right now. That's gotta be stressful. Best of luck with that!

PiePie, congrats on your screening results!

Popbaby, thanks for all the advice. Your words about falling in love with your baby and how daycare takes on a new meaning hit me hard. I wish SO BAD I didn't have to go back to work. I used to work in daycare, and while it was fine, and the kids all received wonderful care, I just felt this nagging feeling that, under the age of 3, kids should just be with their parents. But I know that there are benefits to early daycare, too, and I know that as long as we're strong parents, it's not something that will scar our child or anything. It just breaks my heart that I will have to keep working. *sigh*

[popbaby]

Originally Posted by beckyphry

. It just breaks my heart that I will have to keep working. *sigh*

You are exactly right...daycare is completely safe and fine, and your baby will be pefectly happy and safe...it's the mama that will be a wreck! HUG!!! I am dreading going back to work too...I feel so lucky, beyond lucky really, that DP can stay home.

[rock_dr]

ITA with popbaby on the u-shaped pillow. I think mine's called a snoozle or snoodle or something like that. it rocks. i was a backsleeper for years and this is the only way I can sleep now... although, 'sleep' means about 2-3 hours at a time max, so it's all relative.

I hear yall on the maternity leave woes. I'm a professor and lucky to be able to take this summer off from my normal globe-hopping routine. My 'maternity leave' consists of not having to teach in the fall, but I will still have huge student advising and research responsibilities. Still, I'm hoping that my time will be somewhat flexible, and I should be able to bring babe to work. man, just thinking about it makes me :