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Pregnant with #1 in our 30s - Page 5

post #81 of 453
ATD_mom, what an annoying comment from you MIL!! UGH! I'm glad you have a sweet, supportive mom to make up for it!

amberbella, I think I agree with you on the sons vs. daughters thing. I also think it's one thing to watch your son's wife go through a pregnancy and entirely different to watch your daughter go through one. In my family, so far only my brother has had kids, I'm the first daughter to be pregnant, and I feel like it's really significant to my mom.

minnow! I remember you! Interesting "maternity leave" situation you have -- I hope you can take the whole school year off!
post #82 of 453
minnow...ROFL I hate bras! And it's bad because I'm a C cup(on a small day!) I have taken to wearing shelf bra camisoles instead of bras (which isn't really enough support but I don't care anymore), and I always do surgery to my underwire bras and remove the wire...my osteopath tells me they hurt my ribs and it's adding to my back pain. Not looking forward to that part of being preggers...

Maternity leave...I will be due a week after our fall opera season ends, if the due date is correct (and, of course, all goes well) so this baby is timed perfectly! This was exactly the month I wanted to get pregnant! This way I have 7 to 8 weeks off that I'd' have anyway...I'm a musician and we work 30 weeks out of the year. We get paid when we work, and paid well, but it gets a little thin by the time our vacations our over...it's perfect that my maternity leave happens when I wouldn't be working anyhow... I won't miss any of the big money-making times. Well, actually, I may not play the Nutcracker this year, but it's only one week, and also I'm a little tired of it! We do it every year!

This is, of course, if all goes according to plan (although what ever does), and I'm not high-risk, etc. Having never been pregnant maybe I'm cocky in assuming I'm really going to work that late into my pregnancy...some of my coworkers that have had babies took the last month off because although we're just sitting playing the violin, those long hours can be hard on the back. And it's not like you can take a voluntary pee break in the middle of a performance. (Well actually we made an exception for one girl last year, during a 3 hour opera with no intermission, we sat her in the back by the door LOL)

How about everyone else?
post #83 of 453
Quote:
What is it exactly that makes the mother's daughter's baby more special than the mother's son's baby?
OMG I wish I knew but I can't tell you how many of my friends warned me about this. They said even if you think you don't need your mom, there will be a world of difference to how your mom will treat you and what she will do for you vs your MIL. Obviously this is not the case for everyone. But literally up until the point of the baby announcement, my mom and me had been fighting for 6 months. Overnight it stopped and now it's like better than ever. And it's wierd b/c normally I adore my MIL. She's been the perfect MIL. Both of us have a great relationship with her.

Quote:
My Mom said to me recently that your sons are your babies until they get married, and your daughters are your babies forever. (she has 2 of each) I think that often times boys grow up and aren't quite as close to their mothers as daughters often stay to their mothers. Perhaps it has something to do with that?
This is a very interesting concept. I wonder if maybe the MIL's feel like they can't be as involved or as honest as your own mother would for fear of offending or doing something wrong or crossing some boundary? Maybe motherhood or grandmother hood changes something?? Anyone have any other ideas?

I am however done my dramatic little hormonally imbalanced hissy fit and realized I needed to calm the hell down and accept that I was being irrational. She has a right to her retirement and to do whatever she wants with her time and I shouldn't expect her to do anything that is our responsibility to begin with. My mom however did not have the same reaction to MIL's decided future actions. If you thought I was bad, oy! She's ready to disown her. But again this is totally a personal cultural difference so it's just not possible to level the playing field unless both sides came from the same background. It will be a fun day when they see each other at the hospital after we have the baby. Vicodin anyone?

As for work I *hope* I am able to go as long as I can so that I can spend more time with our baby after the baby is born but then that totally depends on what will happen to my body and health at the time.

Just curious, how are daycare costs in your areas?

I am not kidding when I say I started researching Toronto and it runs - you ready?....no are you really ready??...$1300-1400 a month. Per child. Over the age of 1 to 2 years. Thereafter the price "drops" to around 1000 a month for a 2 - 3 year old. So that's around $60-70 a day.

I swear I nearly fell of my chair.

In my wildest nightmares I couldn't have imagined that high of a cost. I mean how do parents with more than 1 child handle it? No wonder so many parents stay at home.

I may add the daycare isn't guaranteed. *IF* you pass the long wait lists, you can pay that. But you have sign up for it while you're pregnant for a chance to get in. In which case we are now looking into a home based daycare or a nanny. Or if in some perfect world the stars line up, my husband gets his old weekend job shifts back and we would only need someone every Friday.
post #84 of 453
Hey everyone, just got back from being OOT for 5 days at a conference. I totally have conference brain and am not quite up to posting personals/ commenting, but I did want to pop my head in. I love seeing this thread taking off! Welcome to all of the new preggos!!! Woohoo!
post #85 of 453
Hi Everyone!

Alex~ Good luck with the MIL issue. I suspect that I may be fending mine off on a regular basis. And my mom lives so far away that she is going to be always frustrated that she can't see her grand kid more often.

Well I have had some crazy week. I thought I was over my M/S. Well it came back with a bit of a vengeance. :Puke I threw up all last week. Every night! Didn't matter whether I ate or had an empty stomach. And having the lovely experience of peeing my pants while wretching into the toilet. Very special indeed.
No M/S over the weekend...thank goodness....I am really hoping that it stays away. I'm thinking that work is aggravating it.

Also, I went and bought a small new maternity clothes wardrobe. Some of the clothes are pretty cute. Now I feel more comfy. I measured my waist. I've grown 8 inches! : Only several inches more to go.

Hope that you all are well.
post #86 of 453
grace24: I also planned the pregnancy around an easier time in my work schedule - school ends early may and I'm due early june. but I've got a big proposal due in may too so still hoping to be able to work much of the time until birth. we'll see.

great mw appointment today - baby is head down and doesn't seem remotely interested in moving!
post #87 of 453
Quote:
Originally Posted by rock_dr View Post
I also planned the pregnancy around an easier time in my work schedule - school ends early may and I'm due early june. but I've got a big proposal due in may too so still hoping to be able to work much of the time until birth. we'll see.
This is so funny...I am currently a postdoc and my babe is due Aug 30. I have a big grant proposal due Aug 05. No better way to pass the time waiting for funding decisions then bonding with the new babe, right?
post #88 of 453
GreenGrey: TO sounds comparable to NYC with regard to infant day care availability and cost. I have found ONE place that charges $1,100 a a month, but most charge $1,800 to $2,300. American dollars. Ouch. We are hoping to have the babe in care only 3 days a week -- SOME places give a discount for that, others charge full freight to hold your slot. : The biggest concern is getting off the waitlist for anything -- I confess that I have not applied to nearly as many parents as I should have, because of ambivalence...
post #89 of 453
Quote:
Originally Posted by PiePie View Post
GreenGrey: TO sounds comparable to NYC with regard to infant day care availability and cost. I have found ONE place that charges $1,100 a a month, but most charge $1,800 to $2,300. American dollars. Ouch. We are hoping to have the babe in care only 3 days a week -- SOME places give a discount for that, others charge full freight to hold your slot. : The biggest concern is getting off the waitlist for anything -- I confess that I have not applied to nearly as many parents as I should have, because of ambivalence...
LA is about the same, too...unless you are on public assistance...then it's DIRT cheap. Oh well....that is one of the main reasons I've decided to try and stay home. Working full time outside of the home will not have enough of a financial advantage.
post #90 of 453
Hmmm.

Honestly, I haven't looked into the cost of care.

It it was that much, it wouldn't be worth me working and having the babe in care....I'm hoping that I can do something like work from home 3 days a week and work around the babe the other 2 days (odd schedule etc...).

Sheesh. I guess I should start looking, huh?
post #91 of 453
I had a very scary day today. I have finally been feeling better the past few days - I almost feel normal. Then, I woke up to some spotting this morning. It really freaked me out and I spent the morning going between hoping the baby was okay and expecting the worst. Luckily, my midwife took me right in (I get up at 5:30, she doesn't get in until 8, and that wait felt like forever!). I turned 11 weeks today and we heard the heartbeat!!! I was so relieved. I'm going in for an u/s on Thursday morning to see if they can find the source of the bleeding, but everything looks really good right now. The babe was even moving around a lot while my midwife was listening to the heartbeat. Such a relief.

Thanks for listening. I hope everyone is having a good day!
post #92 of 453
Thread Starter 
Wow Jenn sorry you had such a scary morning. Glad to hear everything's ok and you got to hear the heartbeat! I hope the bleeding stops ASAP. Keep us updated with the u/s results. :
post #93 of 453
Quote:
Originally Posted by greengrey View Post
I am not kidding when I say I started researching Toronto and it runs - you ready?....no are you really ready??...$1300-1400 a month. Per child. Over the age of 1 to 2 years. Thereafter the price "drops" to around 1000 a month for a 2 - 3 year old. So that's around $60-70 a day.
Yeah, I just happened to look it up here (central Indiana) and for a newborn it's $990/month. Slightly less for older kids. To put that in perspective, our rent is just under $800 and my stipend for teaching two classes (at our U it's full time) is $1500/month. So proportionally it's probably about the same. There's also a waitlist. Wow! However, as a grad student, I often "nannied" for professors' babies, working 10 or so hours a week and earning $9-$10/hour. If you don't need full time care, this seems like a much more economical solution. (I loved the opportunity to hang out in nicely-furnished houses with awesome babies, as well. Hope I can find a similarly baby-hungry grad student to watch my own kid while I write.)

I heard the heartbeat for the second time today! Always nice to hear there's someone in there. I told my midwife (who is chatty and awesome) that my hair (leg hair, eyebrows, pubes, etc) is growing like CRAZY and she said, yeah, the growth hormone in your body kind of grows everything indiscriminately. I asked if that applied to brain cells and she said unfortunately no. Too bad, I was hoping that my growing brain would magically write my dissertation proposal final draft for me because I really don't feel like doing it, I'd rather play outside.

Jenn: I'm sorry about your scary morning. I also had two different episodes of spotting... I think at about 7 weeks, and then again at 9 weeks. Both totally scary but totally fine. Hearing the heartbeat was very reassuring. Glad things seem fine.

Thanks for the welcome, everyone!
post #94 of 453
Quote:
Originally Posted by Grace24 View Post
And it's not like you can take a voluntary pee break in the middle of a performance. (Well actually we made an exception for one girl last year, during a 3 hour opera with no intermission, we sat her in the back by the door LOL)

How about everyone else?
Wow! Three hours with no pee break. Can't ... imagine... love the image of the poor girl stationed by the door, though.

I'm also cocky and assuming (hoping, praying) I'll be able to work through the end of the pregnancy. If I get a summer class, i'll be teaching until, oh, week 35. (And it will be August. My mom is convinced the heat will kill me.) But after that I hope to be doing lots of writing for the last month, since I don't plan to write for awhile after the baby's born.

Emily, sure! And these are "Year of the Pig" babies, which are supposed to bring good fortune and wealth, so maybe the babe will bring extra grant proposal acceptance luck.
post #95 of 453
Hi all, I'm 36 and looking forward to my growing family! I'm only about 7-8 weeks along, so I will mostly just lurk here and look forward to learning from your wisdom!
post #96 of 453
Howdy,

I'm back - sorry been away feeling yuck - haha.... I :Puke yesterday, first time this pregnancy! I don't know if that is worth celebrating or not. I hope it was the peak of m/s.

PiePie - yep I'm back on the job hunt but I'm feeling really demotivated. My experience at Disney was really terrible. To be honest it has more to do with my own lack of direction than anything else. I have such a hard time not working and really what I need to do is take some time and figure out what I want to do. Why is that so hard? I'm an Accountant but in the last couple of years I've been feeling really really dissatsified with my choice of career - I feel like I'm wasting my potential. I don't want to work in an office anymore, I want to have more contact with people. Anyway now I'm pregnant and I still haven't taken the time to figure things out. My DH is scared about money now that I'm again unemployed and this time by choice and with our lil one on the way he's on me to just get any job so that we can save!

On the positive side of things, I expect to stay home after our baby is born since both the waiting lists and the costs of day care are RIDICULOUS here, we can expect to pay about $2300 for someone else to take care of our baby. So why bother? Except of course I have a hard time not working..... back to my first point. We'll see if I don't go bonkers staying home. We are both living away from our families in a foreign country and so I don't have either a MIL or my Mom to help - not that my Mom is very Grandmotherly... she's living her golden years, zipping around the globe with her boyfriend.

I hope this post doesn't sound too depressing because truly I'm not down at all, feeling really happy at the moment. Actually has anyone else been experiencing these burst of laughter that are from the gut and last until your belly hurts? I'm laughing like this 3 to 4 times a day, some little thing will set me off and I can't stop laughing. And it's contagious! I was thinking maybe I'm not getting enough blood to my head or something... not that I mind because it's a lot of FUN!
post #97 of 453
Quote:
Originally Posted by PiePie View Post
GreenGrey: TO sounds comparable to NYC with regard to infant day care availability and cost. I have found ONE place that charges $1,100 a a month, but most charge $1,800 to $2,300. American dollars. Ouch. We are hoping to have the babe in care only 3 days a week -- SOME places give a discount for that, others charge full freight to hold your slot. : The biggest concern is getting off the waitlist for anything -- I confess that I have not applied to nearly as many parents as I should have, because of ambivalence...
Did you hear that? If you didn't, that was the sound of me falling off my chair over in Toronto. I am speechless. Up to $2300!!!!!!!!!

k9sarchik - Sorry about the M/S. I hope you're feeling better.

RubyJi - Welcome and by all means don't hesitate to post and jump right in should you decide.

Glad to hear everyone's babies are doing well and hearing heartbeats! It's so nice to see that things are progessing well. I hope more ladies from the TTC thread can join us soon.

I went to see my OB yesterday for the results of my First Trimester tests and so far, all is good (Thank God!!) and had an unexpected U/S just to see how he/she was developing.

I told the tech that I do not want to find out the gender so if there was a shot I wasn't supposed to see to not let me see it b.c they have this monitor set up so when you're lying down on the bed, you watch the U/S happening in front of you on a separate screen. (The tech has their own screen).

So the tech was doing it and I was like can you tell me when it's safe to look.

So she says go ahead now and when I looked it was a full face, frontal body shot of the baby, with the legs scrunched up in a little ball with the knees towards the stomach, staring at me. Imagine them lying in a crib looking up.

I was like ACK!! and quickly turned my head. Then I looked back. The clever little munchin had their legs so strategically placed amidst the umbilical cord that you couldn't see anything. I was like "Oh sneaky!"
post #98 of 453
Well I had my 2nd Dr's office visit today with the OB. All went great. Listened to the heartbeat even heard a kick!

Good day. I like days like today.

Now my next visit will be for the U/S with the perinatologist. It's very exciting.
post #99 of 453
Michelle, you could start looking into child care now -- I actually wish I'd started a bit sooner, because now I'm worried that we'll have problems finding a good place in time. I just like to have all loose ends tied up early, and I put this off a little.

Jenn, what a scary morning you had! So glad you got to hear the heartbeat, though!! I hope the source of the bleeding is nothing big and goes away quickly!

minnow, how sweet you got to hear the heartbeat again!

Ruby! Congrats on your pregnancy!!

Natalia, yuck, I hope your m/s goes away soon! But that laughing thing is really funny -- no, that hasn't happened to me, but what an interesting pregnancy symptom!

Alex, that's adorable about your ultrasound! Sneaky little peanut!!!

I had my third prenatal appt today, it went fine. It's always nice to hear the heartbeat. I scheduled the "big" u/s for April 23rd, but I had to make it separate from the regular 20 week appt, so I might call back tomorrow to see if they can give me something so I can do them both on the same day (the office is a half hour from wherever I am, so it's annoying to drive all the way out there twice in one week). I am super excited to find out the sex and hope our baby isn't shy when his/her time to shine comes!
post #100 of 453
Thread Starter 
Alex I loved your story about your sneaky little peanut! How fun that must have been!

Laura & Becky glad to hear the appointments are going well!

Natalia I'm looking forward to the giggle fits. Lots of women have told me that being pregnant was one of the happiest times in their lives. Your description reminded me of Angelina Jolie on Barbara Walters giggling up a storm while she was pregnant. It was so funny the laughter was contagious!

Minnow I'm glad to hear there's another grad student here! Maybe we can help keep each other sane!

I'm kinda down right now, even though everything is theoretically fine. I'm 7w4d and haven't thrown up, just have mild nausea after eating and when I get hungry. I scored some elastic waist (not full-panel) mat pants at Target tonite for $6. I told my boss today and she was receptive, congratulatory and I don't have to work with radiation any more. All of this is fabulous! But DH is seriously freaked out about money and the future, and that's outweighing all the other good stuff right now. I told him that his feelings are normal and our plans haven't changed (as much as I'd like them to, I can't do that to him or our long-term future). Does anyone have any suggestions for books or podcasts or something that will help reassure him? I should be super happy right now but I just want him to be happy too. :\
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