Opinions on having sibling at homebirth?

[monkeybum]

What are everyone's thoughts on having a sibling at home during a home birth?

If you had a sibling at home during your birth, how did you decide to do so? How did it go? Any regrets? How did you know your older child would be ok with it/could handle it?

DS just turned 3. The stress of figuring out what to do with him during my homebirth is stressing me out more than anything, but I'm not sure he should be at home when I give birth. He is very attached to me, and very sensitive and tuned in to my moods, (he mirrors my moods and has since birth, and often reads my mind - for real). I am concerned that he would be very upset if I seemed at all in pain, and I also don't want to have to worry about "being quiet" or having to hold back or be reserved - which I think I will feel like if he's home (I won't want to upset him).

I'd love to hear any experiences from other mom's who had a younger child (especially a preschooler) at home during a birth, and if you'd do it again - and any opinions from mammas who chose not to do so.

Part of me hopes he'll sleep through the whole thing!

Kathy.

[flyingspaghettimama]

We had a great experience. BUT we had grandma there to take her for walks, watch a movie, prepare her food, be ready to go out with her if it ever got "too much." It didn't - but without grandma there it might've.

We took her to a sibling birth prep class. They explained the sorts of noises mama would be making as "work noises"; and that the blood that might show up as "food blood" for the baby that the baby didn't need anymore. It was a fantastic class that really demystified the process.

[Plaid Leopard]

My then just turned 5yo ds and just turned 3yo dd were at my last birth. We had originally planned for them to go to a friend's house, but she ended up giving birth the same day (only 1 1/2 hours before me) and our other backup sitters flaked on us.

I went into labor in the wee hours of the morning. Luckily both kids slept late that morning, and so they were only awake for the last 5 hours or so of labor.

After they woke up, they would come and go as they felt like it. They spent a lot of time watching videos and got to eat lots of candy. My DH would just go check on them every once in a while, feed them etc. At times it didn't bother me at all that they were in the room, other times I asked them to leave and they were ok with that. I kind of wanted them to see the actual birth but DH went and got them right after ds was born.
We had talked a lot about birth beforehand, so they knew I might make loud, funny noises (and did I ever!) and that there might be blood, and that I would be working hard and wouldn't be able to really interact or talk to them. I remeber at one point I was moaning very loudly through a hard contraction and dd walked in and I just stopped mid-moan. I motioned for DH to take her out and he did and I just got right back on track.
They really did ok, and now they are very excited about being at the birth of their newest sibling who is coming in September.

[pixiewytch]

DS was at ours and he was 4. Honestly I think it would have been difficult if we didn't have grandma there to watch after him. I was so self absorbed that I just couldn't pay any attention to him. That is the biggest pitfall if you have a little one who isn't very independent.

We did prepare him extensively beforehand. He went to all of my appts, we did the sibling class, talked to him a lot about what the expect. That really did help a lot because he wasn't freaked out when I was in labor.

I would definitely do it again if I had backup help but there is no way I could do it without a friend or grandparent nearby, at least not at that age.

[isabellasmom]

We decided to have our daughter present for the birth. She will be 3 on September 15 and I am due September 30. She is even going to put on gloves to help catch the baby. I am not going to give her one single chance to feel left out. There will be someone here if she needs to leave or needs a drink or whatever. How a lot of moms try to stay at home as long as possible, I am going to try to remain as normal as possible up until the actual delivery.

[klg47]

My 1st was at the birth of my 2nd. We had just moved to Texas ~4 weeks earlier, and didn't trust anyone to take him. Fortunately it worked out fine. We are facing the exact same situation again this time. Where we live now, we have a family at our church that also homebirths with our midwife. They would be perfect to take our kids at a moment's notice - we trust them implicitly, we know they aren't scared of homebirth (no bad vibes), and they are ~2 minutes away. BUT we're probably going to move before the baby's born We will know people in our area, but not anyone that trusts homebirth, grr

So most likely our kids will be at the birth, and I will visualize it working out just fine If I have to labor alone while dh attends to the kids, so be it!

[mlsantarem]

Our last birth was a home birth. She was my third. My eldest was 5 and she was deeply into it, watching videos, talking about it. My son was 3 years old and definately didn´t want to be there. He was at a friends house for the day when he arrived home our baby sitter settled him in for the night. My daughter was there for the birth we also had a doula as support so my husband could be with her if necessary (I had a md attend my birth out of the USA not many midwives where I lived, he was fine just not mentally who imagine to attend my birth). Having said all this my daughter was doing well before and directly after the baby was born. She was crying when the baby´s head came (as was I). It scared her to see me being uncomfortable she does still talk about it as being unpleasant.... I don´t think I would do anything differently she was well prepared though the videos were of other women and when goes from observing someone else to watching your mom for her it was different. It was really only about 1 minute of distress.

[DoomaYula]

I plan to have a babysitter for my kids. My twin boys will be 4.75yo and my girl will be 2.5yo. We've already started talking about it, mommy might make loud noises, blood, etc, but I definitely want someone there just for them, in case they need it. I've already asked their usual babysitter (who is a nursing student and really excited to be present at a homebirth!) to be on-call for us when the time comes.

[starlein26]

My 3 year old was present and everything went over wihtout a hitch. We had read Welcome with Love a million times as preparation and had a bunch of his favorite DVDs on hand and that's basically what he did while I labored. He told me later that he had been a little worried sometimes but we talked about it and worked through it.

[HarperRose]

We're definitely planning on having the kids present. They'll be 6 and 7.5 yrs when this one is born. My ds (the older child) is nervous and says he doesn't want to be there because he's afraid the baby will be dead. He remembers when I miscarried a year and a half ago. We'll have to work with him on what live babies lok like when they're born and really play up the positive for him as much as possible and still give him the option of watching TV or something if he wants to, of course. He's also got Asperger's Disorder, so he thinks differently than the rest of us. I don't want to overwhelm him.

[cheenya]

My daughter was at the birth of her brother, she was a month over 3 yrs old when he was born. I was also a bit nervous about how she would do, but it ended up being great. I used the hypnobabies program and was able to stay very centered in myself during most of my labor. We had my mom come to watch DD and be with her, which worked out really well, she had someone there who she loved and trusted to turn to, but really she did not seem worried about me at all. We had read the book "welcome with love" nightly for about the last 2 weeks of my pregnancy and I think it was better preparation than a video would have been. I think a video might have scared her. In the book the child narrating the story talks about the noises his mom is making. At one point early in my labor Kathrine wondered aloud why I wasn't "yelling and screaming." The day after her brother was born she told some friends "mommy yelled and screamed when my brother came out." I think being there when he was born made everything seem more real to her. She knows where the baby came from and they have had a special connection always. I also wanted to mention that I was at both of my younger siblings births, we have video of me watching my sisters birth when I was three, I was sitting in the lap of one of neighbors (who my mom was very close too,) and watching very intently. I have only vague memories of that, but I vividly remember watching my youngest sisters birth, I was 6 then and I still count it among my most amazing memories.

[mama23boys]

my older boys (12 and 8) are going to go to grandma's bc i just wont be able to concertrate with them here and i am not sure how i will deal with it all since its my 1st HB.

my 19month old will be here but dad and grandma are going to take turns.

[elliemama]

We're hoping to have our 3 year old daughter at the birth (which will hopefully be at home). We have a friend whom she's very close to who will come to watch her and gently whisk her out of the room if she gets overwhelmed. She's pretty interested in the pregnancy and early on was wanting to roleplay giving birth herself, pretending she was the mommy delivering ME, the baby . . . if you can imagine a 3 year old girl grunting and straining on the bed like an actress on ER, that's what it looked like. . . surreal yet adorable!

[greenthumb3]

My past experience and current plans:

With my second son's birth, my oldest was about 2 1/2 and I felt like I didn't want to even have him around, with his needs, and if he saw me naked, he'd ask to nurse, etc., etc. So, he went off to grandpa's house for the 5 hour labor and came back around bedtime. He patted the new baby and climbed up to....nurse!

This time around, my oldest will be close to 5 years old at time of #3's birth. He is VERY excited about birth (roleplays it with stuffed animals, talks about the placenta, likes asking questions about the cord, watches birth videos sometimes with me, and reads children's books about birth and having a baby at home) He has made it quite clear that he will get in the birth pool with me *unless* the "water is bloody". I can understand that! He is good at saying what he is comfortable with and I am hoping he will want to be there for the birth.

My youngest will be 2 1/2 at time of #3's birth and he will have his older brother there for support, as well as another helper (my sister and her daughter) there to get them drinks and snacks, take them on walks, put in movie, etc. , when they want to be elsewhere than by me, laboring (Booooring!!).

They both have seen the u/s pictures and been to the midwives with me and even helped with the doppler to check the baby's heartbeat. I know my youngest can handle me saying "no" to nursing, if that is how I am feeling at the time, and I really feel strongly this time to have my whole family around me and I already sense the strength that will be to me. It is exciting to feel all of us together welcoming a new life. No one is excluded or alone against their will and everyone is welcome to attend and be included to the degree they are comfortable with (including DH, LOL). I can hardly wait to see the looks on the kids' faces when the baby crowns and when he cries and the funny things I *know* they will say. Just hope they can be awake when it happens!

[canadiannancy]

My kids will be at home again hopefully. There were good and bad things involved in DD1 being there for her sisters birth...one is that I have a very attached child, who only wanted me to hold her, and since that labour started with water bursting, everytime I picked her up my water gushed out, and it was uncomfortable. Good, she napped. Good, she had been to appointments and seen videos and wasn't freaked out at all, and we all snuggled together in bed after.

[Sifreynir]

my two children were present at my homebirth. They were 5 and 7 when their wee brother entered the world.
I also had my mum there too.

We spent a while running up to the birth explaining the sorts of things they may see and hear and they watched homebirth programs and videos. Mum explained alot too.
It was early morning when I went into labour, so for the most part they were having breakfast. My labour was only 2hrs 45 mins long but they were there for the 'big moment' and cheered me on.

It still makes me smile to think back on it. My daughter stroked my hair and my back and my son...well he was a bit awkward but he was there for me just didn't know what he could do.

It was special. Whether Andrew will be there at the birth of our next child (if and when I get pregnant again) will be a decision we will make then.

I feel each child and pregnancy and birth should be assessed individually. I was happy and confident that my children would be okay...and they were

[boobyjuicex3]

My first three were born in a hospital, but... they were always present. My eldest was 3 when ds #1 was born and she was awesome. DD and DS#1 (16months at the time)were present at DS#2 birth. Ihad lots of friends and my hubby to deal with them or else it would have been hell! This will be my first homebirth and they are all really excited about being envolved. My hubby will be deployed the whole pregnancy, hopefull home for 2 weeks around the time of the birth so I do not want to exclude them, they have gone through a lot of trama lately as it is.

[BrooklynDoula]

My MW was very clear that it is always best for the sibling to have one dedicated person just for them (which we planned on anyhow). She explained that she had been at births with just the parents and siblings and had things get very, very bad because the kid(s) freaked and dad had to help them and mom was in need, etc.

IN our case, my almost 5 year old says he does not want to be there. He says he would rather got to stay with one of his aunts/uncles (I have two brothers who each live within 6 blocks of us - one works freelance so he will likely be around, one aunt is a SAHM and already said she was 100% ready and willing anytime). So, our son will go with one of them and he is welcome to return anytime if he desires and we will likely try to call to update and give him a final chance to see the birth, otherwise he will be the first call after the birth if he wants to come over.

[pooh-tiggermom]

When our 3rd was born our oldest (7 at the time) was there with us. We had a water birth at a birth center. I wanted our 2nd there too (3 1/2 at the time), but he was sleeping (it was midnight & baby was born at 1:30am). I wish now that we had at least tried to wake him, but by that age he was a sound sleeper. DS1 was great. We had only talked about it a little bit beforehand. I told him that he could be there if he wanted but if at anytime he wanted to leave he could. Just a cpl hours before my water broke at home, I was flipping thru the channels on tv & caught a birth story. So I watched it. Well it showed the mom laboring so I called my son in to watch it. I told him that this was kind of how it would be with me. He said "ya I can handle that" When it came down to it, I was in the tub (I think I was moaning loudly or something) & he got scared. So when the contraction was over I leaned over to him & put my arm around him. I told him remember what I said about laboring? that I might be in some pain but it was ok & that I would probably moan or scream or something. He had a few tears in his eyes but he was fine when I reassured him & wanted to stay. He was so awesome with it all, & even cut the umbilical cord! This time Im hoping all 3 boys will be there, but #3 will be 4 so we'll see how he feels at the time. DS#2 is now 7 & says he wants to be there too. OH ya.......my best friend was with us too & her son who was also 3 1/2 was in the bathroom with us. I think he was a bit nervous too, but since it wasn't his momma I think that made a difference. Having my best friend there, & my Mom & MIL all in the bathroom with us & the midwife & nurse helped too. My stepdad was in the living room (it's an old house that has been converted into a birth center) with DS2 so if either of the 2 other boys wanted to leave he was there to watch them.

[pooh-tiggermom]

teenage boys with you for birth?

So in my last post I said that my oldest son was there for DS#3 birth & will be for #4 birth. Im wondering tho if anyone has had teenage boys there while delivering? I don't know if we'll have a 5th but if we do DS#1 will probably be 13-15yo. Just curious about thoughts & experiences anyone has had with this.