i can already tell this is going to be kind of long. but bear with me, i actually have dilemma that i could use some advice on.
My grandmother passed away Thursday night. she was 83. it was expected, but it still doesn't make it easy. she really had been suffering for 12 years after she had several strokes that she never recovered from. and it has been a slow process since. she went into a coma on tuesday and stopped breathing after 2 days.
we were very close. let's just say that she used to tell my mom that she is leaving everything to her cat. when my mom would ask who is going to take care of the cat, she'd say, "Jeannie"!
i went to the assisted living home where she was to pick up her belongings. i took one sniff of her eternity perfume and the tears just flowed. and now my care smells like her since all her things are still in there. even though it's that old person smell, i love it! it just smells like her.
so now we are dealing with the funeral coming up on monday. i have 2 small kids (almost 4 and 18 mo). we don't leave our kids with other people. my older one would be fine with going to a friend's house for the day, but the baby would not go for it. he would be miserable and so would whoever would be watching them. dh is really not interested in going to the funeral. he loved her very much. she actually liked him better than some other blood related members of our family. but he is creeped out by the whole mourning over the dead body and placing it in the ground. and i have to respect that. everyone mourns in their own way. we have decided that he will just stay home with them, and i will go. he obviously would go with me if our kids were a little older and more agreeable to staying with other people.
i have informed my mother of our decision and i got silence on the phone, then a very unbelievable acceptance. i know she is pissed off. and i know at least one of my sister's is pissed, too. they all just give me a silent moment and then kind of say they understand. i am sorry but i think it is unrealistic to expect small children to be quiet and still for something like this. and i know my 4 yo will yell out, "is that nana dead in there?" which is the other reason we don't want to kids there.
this is how my family is, though. the whole attitude that we have to love each other bc we are related. anyway, that is a different topic.
so do you think we are being unreasonable and disrespectful? i get so tired of feeling judged by them bc of some of our decisions.
if you made it this far, thank you!
My grandmother passed away Thursday night. she was 83. it was expected, but it still doesn't make it easy. she really had been suffering for 12 years after she had several strokes that she never recovered from. and it has been a slow process since. she went into a coma on tuesday and stopped breathing after 2 days.
we were very close. let's just say that she used to tell my mom that she is leaving everything to her cat. when my mom would ask who is going to take care of the cat, she'd say, "Jeannie"!
i went to the assisted living home where she was to pick up her belongings. i took one sniff of her eternity perfume and the tears just flowed. and now my care smells like her since all her things are still in there. even though it's that old person smell, i love it! it just smells like her.
so now we are dealing with the funeral coming up on monday. i have 2 small kids (almost 4 and 18 mo). we don't leave our kids with other people. my older one would be fine with going to a friend's house for the day, but the baby would not go for it. he would be miserable and so would whoever would be watching them. dh is really not interested in going to the funeral. he loved her very much. she actually liked him better than some other blood related members of our family. but he is creeped out by the whole mourning over the dead body and placing it in the ground. and i have to respect that. everyone mourns in their own way. we have decided that he will just stay home with them, and i will go. he obviously would go with me if our kids were a little older and more agreeable to staying with other people.
i have informed my mother of our decision and i got silence on the phone, then a very unbelievable acceptance. i know she is pissed off. and i know at least one of my sister's is pissed, too. they all just give me a silent moment and then kind of say they understand. i am sorry but i think it is unrealistic to expect small children to be quiet and still for something like this. and i know my 4 yo will yell out, "is that nana dead in there?" which is the other reason we don't want to kids there.
this is how my family is, though. the whole attitude that we have to love each other bc we are related. anyway, that is a different topic.
so do you think we are being unreasonable and disrespectful? i get so tired of feeling judged by them bc of some of our decisions.
if you made it this far, thank you!
He was fine at the funeral when the casket was closed.
