LoA March 11-17 - Page 6

[Annikate]

Originally Posted by hula

Wow!

P.S. I wondered who Kuma was, and decided it was the god you worship.

[KoalaMama]

Is there anyone here with (or getting) the Holosync program that would be interested in a temporary trade for the Sedona Method program? I just want to get my hands on the Holosync stuff long enough to try it out and maybe load some onto my MP3 player. I don't even have the Sedona Method stuff yet (it is on the way) so I wouldn't be able to ship it out for maybe a week or two, but I'm putting it out there to see if there are any bites. Oh - and I'm in Canada, so we're talking cross border shipping. Unless there's another Canuck here that's interested, which would be way cool! (Hey sphinxie... do you have Holosync? )

[barefoot mama]

Hi mamas
I wanted to share some realizations I've had this week, because who better to understand than all of you!
I have realized that I am a worthwhile person. I know that sounds odd, and I thought that I understood this before, but I didn't. Over the last couple weeks, I've started doing more for myself. I've started my yoga practice again (ouch! I'm sore after 2 years of not doing it!) Dh let me sleep in on Sunday, and has been doing much more to help with the kids and the house. I go to my knitting circle every Saturday. And I feel good about it! I feel like I deserve it! Not because I put my time in or do so much or anything like that. Just because I exist and because life is supposed to be joyful.

When I went to see an intuitive a week ago, she told me that I give and give and give, and if there's any left over, I'll take it. If there's nothing left, I'm OK with that, too. She was exactly right. That has been my truth UNTIL NOW. And I can totally see how people have picked up on that martyr vibe from me. Since I've stopped feeling like the whole world is dependent on me to function, I actually get MORE done in less time now. And I have more energy and more patience. I DO have a lot to do, but I feel so much better about doing it now.

On another note~
I want to make those lists where one side is my to-do list and the other side is the Universe's. How do I do that, exactly?

[catgirl]

Re:Holosync - it might not work on MP3. The whole way it works is in the way it's recorded - with the clashing frerquencies coming in different ears. I asked dh if he could put the last 7 minues of the demo (the bit without talking) on a disc, and he said it would be a big job to NOT let the recording device sample/flatten/generally mess it up.

OK, I jsut jumped in here quickly and have no time to multi-quote. POlease jsut send me some Secret-y, LoA type parenting vibes! I feel out of my depth right now - I feel like I let the genie out of the bottle and I can't put it back (at least not if I want to be true to what I've learned), but I have no lue how to handle what's coming up. And I feel so sad about some fo the things ds is telling me. I was angry with dh for saying ds was unhappy, but I've realized it's truer than I thought and that I'm part of it.

I'll try and post the long story tonight, but to cut it short, he said he feels bad and good all the time, the same things make him feel good and bad, it's permanent and it can never be fixed unless the world ends and starts again, because he accidentally pressed "install" on this bad setting before he was born, he couldn't fix it without wiping out his whole hard drive (can you tell this kid loves computers??) and even if he did that, the setting would still be there.

He also said I've given him some control, that it's not enough and he wants to be completely in control, etc. etc. : HELP!! I am so not ready for radical unschooling etc. etc.....

I'm trying not to think "oh, dh will just LOVE this (NOT!)" and re-stating, "dh and I are perfect partners in parenting."

I guess I did post most of it after all.

[KoalaMama]

Jen, that's awesome! What a great post!

That's called the Place Mat Process, and it's on page 211 in Ask and it is Given. (You'll want to know that in a couple days.) Here's a link to a description of how to do it: http://whatanicewebsite.com/Connee/placemat.htm

[KoalaMama]

Re:Holosync - it might not work on MP3. The whole way it works is in the way it's recorded - with the clashing frerquencies coming in different ears. I asked dh if he could put the last 7 minues of the demo (the bit without talking) on a disc, and he said it would be a big job to NOT let the recording device sample/flatten/generally mess it up.

Oh, thanks for saying that Penny! I guess I'll have to buy it instead. Hmmm... Maybe I'll call them and ask what will happen if I want to listen to it on my MP3 player, because I don't know how much use I'd get from it if I have to use the CD.

And wow on your boy. Can you work with him to come up with a visualization process for rebooting? Maybe he just needs to imagine what he's saying needs to happen. Also, maybe work on reinforcing the idea that we all have a huge range of feelings, and that nothing is good or bad - it just is. Hmmm... maybe even a little talk about observing the feeling from a distance, and realizing emotions are things we hold onto but can also let go of? I'll have to think on how this might translate to kids. But maybe the example about holding and releasing the pen on the Sedona site would work well! Just have him hold and drop all kinds of things and talk about how emotions can be like that too. (Ramble, ramble... I hope something here sparks an idea for you.)

[Amris]

Barefoot mama, great job, dear one!

catgirl.

This is what I would do, personally. Take what you like of it, and leave the rest.

I would sit ds down and tell him, "Do you know what my purpose is in your life, dear? I am your teacher. It's my job to help you understand the laws of the Universe, like Law of Attraction.

"There's also another important law. It's called "The Law of Right Action." It is my job to teach you this law, also. And one part of this law is teaching you how your actions and desires effect others.

"I am to teach you how to have healthy partnerships with other people. Part of that means that I have to give you instructions, and ask for your obedience at times. When I ask you to do something, and you honestly feel that there is genuinely a better way, will you reason together with me, rather than simply being disobedient?

"I am working very hard to be a good teacher to you. But in order to do that, I'm afraid there will be times that I will ask you to do things. There are things that you need to know, that I will be negligent if I don't teach you.

"Remember how you keep comparing yourself to a computer? Well, have you ever noticed that when you run a scandisk, you can repair damaged sectors of the hard drive? I know of some ways to run a scandisk on you, and repair those sectors that you feel are damaged. But the thing is... I have to have your cooperation. That means you will need to be obedient in some things, and you will have to reason together with me regarding other things.

"Are you ready to do that? Because I cannot just allow you to do anything at all that you want... some of what you want effects others in your life. But together, if you work WITH me, we can heal your damaged sectors and we can learn together how to follow the Law of Right Action."

Then, learn and apply EFT to him.

[catgirl]

In a hurry, but THANK YOU!

I think I needed to hear that my ideas are OK, that I don't have to take on a whole philosophy that I'm not comfortable with for various reasons.

He's very resistant to being helped, and to talkig about LoA. Right now it seems important to him to say it can't be fixed - I don't knwo why. Gotta go!

[Amris]

Speaking of realizations and EFT, hehe.

I started to EFT some of the things that make me feel guilty.

I tend to really put off doing my housework until the evening, and do other things in the day. Which makes me feel guilty.

As I've been releasing these feelings of guilt, I am suddenly interested in cleaning my house, LOL.

Cool, huh.

[annalily]

Originally Posted by KoalaMama

Hear, hear Amris! You got it, Mama!!

We should take a lesson from our kids and forgive ourselves as easily as they forgive us!

analily and kdmama... Your stories of how you are viewing these career changes with your spouses are very inspiring! Thanks for sharing!

Yes!!
And thanks!

Originally Posted by Amris

There is a thing that bothers me a lot about American culture.

That is the fact that we make "mistakes" out to be "the end all."

I struggle with this too. In fact, I just listed some stuff on ebay today (yay me! ), though these things have been sitting here waiting for me to do that for months. Why? I feel intimidated by it, afraid if I mess something up I might get bad feedback or inadvertently mislead someone about a freakin pair of capri pants. So what? Why is that a big deal to me? I listed 4items, as far as I know everything's right, and now I just wait for the money!
It's the same reason I don't re-paint rooms I don't like. Not laziness, but fear that I'll be "wrong".
The thing is, I've known this stuff about me, but now I am actively working to change it. There is no reason to fear ebay or wall color!

Originally Posted by WuWei

I believe that you answered your own question. By choosing *happiness* as a priority, I can then decide 'Is this more important than happiness?' I create my own angst by choosing situations which require rushedness, hurrying and long lists of "To Do". I am learning to remember that much can be left up to the Universe, when I make Choosing Joy "my work" for the day.

Very nicely said as always, Pat. Thank you!

[annalily]

Forgot to say... can someone point me to the Hale Dwoskin download?
Thank you!

[captain crunchy]

Catgirl, perhaps consider that while you may not be ready for radical unschooling, your son is presenting a need to you -- he is asking you to help meet that need. Now of course part of the philosophy of consensual living which I hold dear is that both parties must be consenting. You are not agreeable with radical unschooling, he clearly is not agreeable when he feels *controlled*. How can both of your needs get met? How can you work together to reach solutions which leave you both feeling heard and respected and comfortable? A good place to begin is maybe asking him what a day in his very own life would look like... ask him to tell you as if you have no *control* over what he is doing or not doing --- it may surprise you, he may only say a couple things which wouldn't be agreeable to you... every single thing he says may be not agreeable, in which case a conversation of why you don't feel agreeable as well as getting to the bottom of why you aren't agreeable (within yourself) could help...

He loves computers... ask him to type a list of all the things he would do with his day if he was the only one deciding --- make it known you just want to discuss the list, not that this is the way it is going to be then work together to come to solutions ---

For instance pretend on his list is (I am just simplifying here)

Eat Ice Cream all day long


Okay, your list would say:

Eat healthy food which nourishes your body


What solution can be agreeable? Ice cream for dessert? Organic frozen yogurt with no sugar added as dessert? Instead of ice cream for a meal could you make a smoothie with organic frozen yogurt, lots of fruit, some protein powder and flax seed oil? Could you let him make his own meal decisions and trust that he won't choose ice cream for every meal every day?

Point is, it doesn't have to be either he completely controls every move he makes or you do -- there can be a place of mutual agreement on all (or nearly all) issues where you both feel heard, comfortable, and respected.

With anything you choose, I wish you and your ds peace and harmony

Tara

[KoalaMama]

Ok, I'd like to talk some more about the idea that there is always a solution that is agreeable to all parties. How does that work with multiple small children in the house? Or with small children that only want what they want, and want it five minutes ago? For example, my son wants what his sister has. He doesn't want the 10 alternative solutions you offer him, and he doesn't want to wait for a turn. His sister doesn't want to hand over everything she touches just because her brother screams at her. How do you find a solution agreeable to everyone in this circumstance?

I have been wanting to discuss this for a while but can't get around to posting on the CL Yahoo group, so I figured I'd manifest the answer here.

[mama_b]

Originally Posted by Annikate

I yelled at dd tonight just before she went back to sleep and now I can't sleep.
She was afraid.

I have made great strides in the patience department and now I feel like I totally blew it. I feel like the suckiest parent on earth. Of course I *know* this isn't true but I still feel like it.

I did the same thing! My dd just learned the word "hand". I was sitting last night on the couch with dd on my lap having a conversation with dh. DD kept grabbing my hand and putting it up against hers and saying "hand". I was like "yes sweetie, it's your hand" and was still trying to talk to dh. She started getting increasingly agitated and I couldn't figure out what she wanted. She eventually started grabbing my hand and painfully pulling my fingers apart. I yelled at her to cut it out. : She looked at me and her little lip started to quiver and she looked so hurt. Then I realized that she wanted me to rub her little hand to help her go to sleep (I do this often). I felt so terrible and apologized profusely and gave her lots of hugs and kisses. I still feel like a pile of crap about it.

[KoalaMama]

mama_b... I will just repeat what I said above. Our kids love us, and they understand.

Penny... I just called Holosync and asked about transfering to an MP3 player. They said that you'd need to transfer in AIFF or WAV format for sure, but she still couldn't guarantee that it wouldn't lose some effectiveness. She said they do have ppl that use it that way, but the only way they guarantee it is straight from the disk. I guess I'll try doing this with the sample CD and see if it feels any different when listening to it.

[Annikate]

Originally Posted by KoalaMama

Ok, I'd like to talk some more about the idea that there is always a solution that is agreeable to all parties. How does that work with multiple small children in the house? Or with small children that only want what they want, and want it five minutes ago? For example, my son wants what his sister has. He doesn't want the 10 alternative solutions you offer him, and he doesn't want to wait for a turn. His sister doesn't want to hand over everything she touches just because her brother screams at her. How do you find a solution agreeable to everyone in this circumstance?

I have been wanting to discuss this for a while but can't get around to posting on the CL Yahoo group, so I figured I'd manifest the answer here.

We're experiencing this in our house too! DD1 always wants what dd2 has. The thing is, dd2 is really really great about sharing and will almost always give up what she has to dd1 if dd1 asks her nicely.

So . .. . to stop the yelling (by my oldest and VERY LOUD daughter ) I quietly and calmly remind her that if she asks her sister nicely to share it when she's finished, she almost always gives it to her within a couple of minutes.

It's just reminding, reminding, reminding.

DD1 is extremely strong willed and has a strong personality. I don't know how else to describe her though I'm sure she fits into *some* category. She's high maintenance, wants what she wants when she wants it girl.

DD2 is MUCH more laid back and easy going.

Anyway, to answer your question . . .
I like the switchword BE, BE, BE, BE, BE.

I love those things.

[mamatanya]

Originally Posted by catgirl

In a hurry, but THANK YOU!

I think I needed to hear that my ideas are OK, that I don't have to take on a whole philosophy that I'm not comfortable with for various reasons.

He's very resistant to being helped, and to talkig about LoA. Right now it seems important to him to say it can't be fixed - I don't knwo why. Gotta go!

I'm not sure that I follow this exactly but I feel like your answer is in what you just said. It's very important to him that it can't be fixed. So can you let him know that you will love him broken? Sometimes it has to be ok to be broken/bad/whatever negative, before a person can let go of that idea/title and accept something else.

[mamatanya]

Originally Posted by Annikate

We're experiencing this in our house too! DD1 always wants what dd2 has. The thing is, dd2 is really really great about sharing and will almost always give up what she has to dd1 if dd1 asks her nicely.

So . .. . to stop the yelling (by my oldest and VERY LOUD daughter ) I quietly and calmly remind her that if she asks her sister nicely to share it when she's finished, she almost always gives it to her within a couple of minutes.

It's just reminding, reminding, reminding.

DD1 is extremely strong willed and has a strong personality. I don't know how else to describe her though I'm sure she fits into *some* category. She's high maintenance, wants what she wants when she wants it girl.

DD2 is MUCH more laid back and easy going.

Anyway, to answer your question . . .
I like the switchword BE, BE, BE, BE, BE.

I love those things.

I love the switchwords too! And as for your 1 and 2 personalities, they fit birth order personality traits exactly. I had a guy in my store who was just mesmerizing talking to me about the difference between 1's and 2's and he was so right on the money. The most interesting thing he told me was to give 1's as little direction as possible, they take it as you're not trusting them, and to load 2's up on it, they take it as loving attention.

On the switchwords, did you unlock the book or did you buy a papercopy? I found that the book she based it on is back in print and have been unable to decide which to buy.

[jordmoder]

oh what richness I'm gleaning from you all!

A really wonderful resource for sibling stuff is the book "Siblings Without Rivalry"


http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS...kstorenow57-20

by the same people who wrote "How to talk so children will listen and how listen so children will talk" also fabulous.


Penny, my (7.5) yo ds also speaks in very deep analogies (right now, he's in 1st grade and has come up with the understanding that "he has too many points" to fit in the "circles" the other children do ... we're working on what other kind of "schooling" will be best for him) and your struggles so resonate with me. We've also just discovered "The Edison Trait: Saving the Spirit of Your Free-Thinking Child in a Conforming World" by Lucy Palladino which may or may not be insightful for you.

I'm getting so much insight and gaining so much wonder from my children, and I know it is due in large part to the awareness of the LOA and opening myself up to what I want. Just amazing. I've also manifested a whole bunch of little but significant things without even meaning to and it has dawned on me just how powerful I CAN be if I just want to. Wow.

I get such a buzz just from reading this thread!

Barbara

[WuWei]

Specific discussions related to Consensual Living are required to occur on the Consensual Living tribe or yahoogroup. We have discussed some of this on the CL tribe recently. Here is the link. http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=493985 It helps to hear similar stories and solutions evolve. It is a process of seeking to identify the underlying needs and creating/finding solutions which are agreeable. Sometimes, the original, stated want is one strategy to meet the need. For instance, does he want something cold, wet, crunchy, something to play with, your engagement, entertainment, is he tired, hungry, etc? Depending on the *underlying needs*, the solution can be many alternatives. The process is to find what are the feelings and needs, underlying the behavior/request, and listening to our own feelings and needs underlying our resistance. Then trusting that there is a solution which will manifest.

Here are a bunch of threads about creating mutually agreeable solutions with young children and preverbal toddlers:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1881
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1905
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1861

This one is about leaving places:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1719

This one is about leaving the park:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1445

This one is about negotiating around boring appointments:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1692

This one is about "too much information":
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1605

Getting shoes on a toddler and other creative problem solving:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1960

CL for a young preverbal toddler:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1895

Some basic CL questions:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1673

Toddlers with a mind of their own and transitions:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1443

Food issues and CL:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1123

How to gain cooperation:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1305

Book recommendations:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1279 See also
the files for discussion and links to the recommended reading list.

And this one about creating a clean canvas as a gift: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/2519



Hope that helps!

Pat