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Originally Posted by MsChatsAlot  Penny,
Would he be open to doing some healing energy work? My sons aren't so crazy about talking their way through things, but they are sometimes open to doing energy work (BodyTalk, Cranio-sacral, etc) If this is past life related, those things will help. If it's this life related, those therapies will help. All he has to do is rest on a table while someone helps move energy in his body.
It might be worth asking him. You might get a whole lot of insight into him and his behavior as a result.
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We were doing this - although he was disruptiveand resistant while it was going on, he would always end the session in a place that was 300% better. Now he's refusing to do it
He doesn't want to be "helped". He has so mcuh pride. Even as a baby he wouldn't cry when he hurt himself unless it was really bad.
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Originally Posted by celesterra Penny, sorry I haven't responded to the discussion about your son earlier. I've been reading along, though. 
I'm in the same boat about not really knowing where I fall on the past lives thing. I tend to not believe that - I just don't believe in reincarnation.
That said, this discussion has been very tender and very stirring. I bolded the section of your post that spoke to me that perhaps it's not that he IS your brother, but perhaps he is filling that role symbolically for you. Remember how I said that I discovered that symbolically my sister could be my baby? Maybe it's like that - especially since you're finding resonance with the idea of your son being linked to your brother.
And this fits in with LOA, too. If you delayed having a baby because of the trauma around your brother and the residual fear, and you have been vibrating a certain way around young boys, especially that close and tender relationship of a young brother/ young son, maybe it's more to the point that you've been vibrating in a way that is pulling your son in a particular direction? I'm not saying this as blame at all, so I hope you don't take it that way - I'm finding it hard to express this...
Well, I also know that sometimes it's hard for me to express the fullness of a situation by posting. Maybe you could find some people to process this with that you trust, who you can actually speak to? I know you're hurting about this situation... You have my contact info and can call me any time if you need a listening ear.
I kind of went around in circles on this (this is why I haven't been posting...) but anyway I'm reading and sending my love. |
thank you Celeste - yeah, the either/or thing works for me. And I am aware of how we project - I've worked hard at reminding myself that ds is on his own path, not the path of my fears, which is I guess why this past lives thing scared me. Having said that, I was shocked to see how much I've done some of the same stuff with him that was done with my brother - assuming he'd learn a certain way, for instance - but at least I was wise to it and caught on much earlier. I'm not happy I did it at all, but at le3ast it's getting better now.
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Originally Posted by Arduinna catgirl I'm so sorry. s |
Thank you. I'll take any hugs I can get right now, they do help.
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Originally Posted by Amris Sweety, I am probably going to be flamed for this, but this is my suggestion. I have had this work to good effect for me, though it's probably not AP.
When the child becomes violent, I take him into his room, and pull the door shut behind myself, leaving him there. I hold the door closed, and I simply repeat, "I love you, and when you're done venting your anger and are ready to reason together with me, I will let you come out. I cannot, however, and will not allow you to attempt to injure me. Such behavior is not appropriate." Then I begin again, "I love you, and when you're done..."
I realize that it's more popular on these boards to be perfectly AP, but we're not all able to do that, all the time. When you have times like this, I think it's better to shut him in his room so that neither one of you gets hurt, than to end up snarling at him, or having to physically restrain him in that manner.
This is just my opinion, you know? Maybe someone else will have better advice for you.
The thing to remember, though, is to not LOCK HIM IN. You should be there, holding the handle of the door. This should be done only so long as you are able to be present and speaking to him lovingly through the door.
It is NOT acceptable, and I am NOT advocating, locking a child into a closet, or even into their room. Holding the door past the moments when they are attempting to be a physical danger to you is NOT acceptable. (This is my disclaimer before everyone says, "OMG, you said to lock the baby in his bedroom!)
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The bolded part was what I was aiming for, of course. I don't know about putting him in his room...that might have felt worse to me, and I think it might have got more out of control.
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Originally Posted by whimsy
No flaming from me sister. I've had to do that. The important thing to to make sure they know you are right there and you will help them if they need it.
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No flaming from me either!
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I can't help but think there is a connection. I don't know anything about past lives, but could there be something more than coincidence, less than a full blow reincarnation (since that doesn't seem to be settling with you) |
Yeah, that could work!
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Originally Posted by ShannonCC Maybe he has the same "issues" as your brother. The women in my family all have similar depression and health issues because of genetics. There's one adopted person in the family who doesn't have these issues (he has his own he inherited from his family of birth). I just mention that because no, it's not always how we're raised. Sometimes it's just plain genetics. Food sensitivities, environmental allergies, depression, lots of things tend to run in biological families.
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My brother was defiintely bi-polar though, and I don't see that in ds. He's very grounded in a way. My brother was much more "swingy", IYKWIM.
And also, people were constantly commenting when he was little, and it's still true now when he's OK - he's just the happiest kid! He bounces around and sings and enjoys himself - when he's being his happy self. He has an enormous enthusiasm for life and a great sense of humor. I think this is why this shocks me.
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Originally Posted by MyLittleWonders Penny. All other things aside, I would second what Shannon was saying about food issues. Have you looked into the Feingold Program Some children are extremely chemical sensitive - the program eliminates all artificial colors, flavors, preservatives, sweeteners, and also during the first stage, many fruits that are high in salycilates (apples, berries, oranges, grapes, and others). We are seeing huge differences, especially in our 3 year old, and when we "cheat", we can also see how much the program is helping because he will regress.
You might also look into gluten/casein issues ... I've read places where Celiac's (gluten and casein intolerance) can manifest itself in some severe behavior issues with children.
No matter what the cause ... it does not have to be this way. Whatever is causing the behavior and issues for your ds, he does not have to be like this forever ... and from what you are writing, I would highly suspect a food intolerance/chemical intolerance. |
You know, while I do buy healthy, he did become dairy intolerant at 3 1/2 and we took him off it. But we used soy instead. I tried the no wheat/dairy thing at one point but I'm not sure I did it for long enough. One thing that's happened recently is that he started getting him the lactase tablets that enable you to digest dairy, and I think he's been kind of over-dosing on it. I find the GF/CF thing rather overwhelming to contemplate, to be honest, what with HSing/WAHMing/WOHMing, and I'd need to talk to dh about it first to make sure he would "get" it and support it.
Who asked me what happened at 3 1/2? Two things: he night-weaned (becasue I wrote him a story about him night-weaning
), then not long after he started pre-school, whihc he still says he didn't enjoy that much.
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