This preschool race is making me so sad

[Nani]

My dd did not get accepted in this Reggio inspired preschool that I want her to go to. It's basically a superb school here in the Presidio with the best teachers, complete respect for the kids and lots of raoming space and creative energy. I somehow can't imagine anything else for her and I feel I let her down for applying late (she was 1.5 years when I applied). And it's only 5 min. walking distance through the woods to get there. I had heard that you need to sign up kids when they're born and I guess it's true. NOw I'm so sad, also for the lack of other preschools that would be great. I just don't want to send her to ANY WHATEVER school, just to get her in preschool, I want her to be taught in a loving and respectful manner with outdoor activities. Heck, they take kids to the museum and study Andy Goldsworthy!!

I'm expecting dd2 any day now and I feel just so sad that dd1 didn't get a good preschool spot. I really don't want to have to drive 20 min to get her to a school fight communter traffic and then sit somewhere in another part of town while she attends preschool for 3 hours.

I makes me feel like the bliss of early childhood is over and now we're entering this #%^ race for "who is best" and "can get ahead" by going to a good or bad preschool and the kindergarden. My dd is such a sensitive and smart spirit and sending her to a bad preschool could harm her spirit. Plus everything is so expensive here in SF, another preschool I looked at was $535 a month for two mornings a week!!! : and they didn't even have any natural light come in their rooms! All flourescent!

[UUMom]

You don't have participate in the race. I know it seems so important. I live in an area where a lot of people worry about this, and some schools are more 'prestige'. That's true for the adults, but kids don't care. It's sad that parents have this added layer of stress and it's horrible that anyone would see a tiny child's life as being negatvely impacted by not going to 'the right preschool'. It wouldn't have the prestige if 'anyone and everyone' could attend, kwim?.

But you can opt out of this mentality. You don't have to play that game. You can take her to museums yourself, without the downside of her being in a large group doing it. With you, she can go at her own pace, and not be one in a crowd. It's terribly sad when parents are fed stuff like this. Her childhood is not over, the bliss of being little can exist without 'the perfect' preschool. That's a myth.

ETA-- You live in SF. There are lots of preschoolers at home with their parents there. You have a great city at your feet, and plenty of other preschool parents whose kids didn't get into that school. You don't have to sit in traffic at all. Even if you choose school later, she doesn't have to go now...enjoy her and forget the traffic if there isn't a 'good' preschool close to you. I know this isn't the hsing forum (half my kids are hs'd and 1/2 go to school, so I read everything here) but you and your children can chill together next year with other hsing families of preschoolers and regroup. There are options, is all I am saying, to preschool.

[Nani]

But you can opt out. You don't have to play that game. You can take her yourself to museums.

Totally true, but I also know she gets so much out of interaction with other kids and adults. I can barely do anything or teach her much now as I'm so hugely pregnant and expecting number two.
She always comes back like a new person after spending a day or two with her grandparents, she learns so much and I feel being home with me all day is boring for her at this point. I want her to keep expanding, and a good preschool does that, right? She's not even in daycare as I'm a SAHM.

[True Blue]

Oh Nani. Don't buy into it! Lilli isn't even going to preschool and she is just fine, trust me! DS hasn't gone, yet he can now swim by himself, read, and do some basic math...no preschool required. There isn't anything they do there that you can't do at home. Big academics and such are sooo unnecessary that early, and unless you just want the break a couple mornings a week with the new baby coming, there's really no reason to send her away. Actually, if you need a break, you could probably save a ton of money and hire a babysitter/nanny a couple mornings a week to take her out and about and do some projects with her, while you get some time to yourself. If you get down to it, it isn't really even "natural" for our children to be away from us this early.

[UUMom]

Originally Posted by Nani

Totally true, but I also know she gets so much out of interaction with other kids and adults. I can barely do anything or teach her much now as I'm so hugely pregnant and expecting number two.
She always comes back like a new person after spending a day or two with her grandparents, she learns so much and I feel being home with me all day is boring for her at this point. I want her to keep expanding, and a good preschool does that, right? She's not even in daycare as I'm a SAHM.

That's why I suggest checking in with other folks through local hsing groups. There are lots of hsers in your corner of the world. I am going to say it: Preschool can be lots of fun, but there is plenty of fun to be had without preschool. If you do not know any hsers, call a local LLL group and ask if they know of any groups in your area. Our hsing group has lots of little children, and lots of opportunities to get together and have fun. You know the best time to go to muesums? At lunch-- all the school kids have cleared out and you will have the place to yourselves. You and a couple of other hsers with their little ones can go about your studies without the chaos of large groups of children jostling for position.

[Nani]

Oh hi Amy! It's good to see you again! We both have October 04 babies! How is NYC (I remember when you moved there)?

you could probably save a ton of money and hire a babysitter/nanny a couple mornings a week to take her out and about and do some projects with her,

Well, I just worry about her interacting with other kids more, making friends, etc. We go to a playgroup, but she doesn't have any friends there per se. One of my close friends has a boy who is just too over the top for her, plus he gets spanked and eats tons of sugar and has horrible tantrums. I can't expose her to him as she is deeply frightened by this boy.

All other kids go to preschool. Maybe my brain just needs to let go of this whole idea....

[Nani]

Originally Posted by UUMom

That's why I suggest checking in with other folks through local hsing groups.

hsing is homeschooling I suppose?
My dh is totally for homeschooling her all the way, but I know that it would be me doing all the work, feel "stuck at home" and I always feel inadequate when I think of homeschooling (even though I speak 3 languages, have a MFA, blabla).

I will check into homeschooling though, it's not my personal prefernce at this point, but I also know that when I don't get what I wanted there is a larger reason behind it and I need to follow another direction. Who knows where it will lead to.

[UUMom]

Originally Posted by Nani

hsing is homeschooling I suppose?
My dh is totally for homeschooling her all the way, but I know that it would be me doing all the work, feel "stuck at home" and I always feel inadequate when I think of homeschooling (even though I speak 3 languages, have a MFA, blabla).

I will check into homeschooling though, it's not my personal prefernce at this point, but I also know that when I don't get what I wanted there is a larger reason behind it and I need to follow another direction. Who knows where it will lead to.

Well...as I said in my first post, it doesn't have to be forever:

--There are lots of preschoolers at home with their parents there. You have a great city at your feet, and plenty of other preschool parents whose kids didn't get into that school. You don't have to sit in traffic at all. Even if you choose school later, she doesn't have to go now...enjoy her and forget the traffic if there isn't a 'good' preschool close to you. I know this isn't the hsing forum (half my kids are hs'd and 1/2 go to school, so I read everything here) but you and your children can chill together next year with other hsing families of preschoolers and regroup. There are options, is all.--


Take it year by year.

[True Blue]

NYC is great. We are really enjoying ourselves there! We move again in a year though, as always with the Coast Guard. We'll find out where in Oct!

I remember stressing at preschool and "socialization" at various times, but in reality, it is not necessary at such a young age. I have found that playgroup and a class are enough. We LOVED doing Music Together, and met other mommies there. I know how hard it is to find families who don't automatically send their kids off to preschool as soon as they are old enough, but they are out there. SF has a lot to offer, I am sure you can find some other fun activity you can all do with other kids. All you really need is one mommy friend with a child of similar age so you can both have a "playdate". (of course her parenting will have to better match yours...and I would think in SF that wouldn't be too difficult). Do the other kids you know go to preschool every day? She doesn't need to have a playdate every single day. After rushing around last year with DS in a bit too many activities, I discovered that less IS more. And DD really has nothing much yet. We did Music Together, which she enjoyed, and playgroup every Friday. That and getting outside on her bike and such have really been enough for her. Remember, preschool is a very new concept in the span of time, most children's first taste of school was kindergarten until the past 30 years or so.

Teehee, Lilli is riding her rocking horse right now "talking" to one of my friends on the phone....aren't our girls getting fun?

ETA The park is really the biggest hit around here, with BOTH of my kids, no matter what age. And at 2, they really aren't playing with the other kids yet anyway...

[Teensy]

First - I wouldn't give up yet. Make sure your DD is on the waiting list for next year's class. Stop by in person, speak to whoever is in charge of admissions and make sure DD is on that waiting list. Then stop by again in a month or two with a question or information ("Hi, I just wanted to give you our new cell phone number for DD's application"). Let them know you are very interested in a spot. People move, get accepted to two preschools, or decide not to send their DC. Some will go for a week or two, then pull their DC out. So your DD may end up going to the school afterall (my DS got a space at his first preschool the day it began).

Second - I would definitely consider taking the money you would have spent on preschool and hiring a nanny two mornings a week. Maybe a college student who doesn't have class on Tuesdays and Thursday. Make a monthly schedule and have the nanny take DD to activities with other children (library time, toddler art class, playground, etc.). Benefits to nanny over preschool - * you don't have to schleep a baby with you to drop off and pick up
* you can choose if you want to go along with DD and the nanny on an outing or you can stay home with the baby
* you'll never have to wake baby up to go pick DD up from school (no fun, especially when baby is sick and just fell asleep)
* you won't have to worry about taking baby with you to attend class parties and events at the preschool
* if you've been up all night with baby, you won't have to get everyone dressed and out of the house by a certain time
* if you need to go to an appointment without the baby (dentist or such), you've got a built-in time that you can schedule the appointent for without finding childcare for the baby

I found our sitter through the college career counseling service. I do wish I had empowered her earlier to take the children on outings, so I would make sure that is part of the job description.

Good luck finding a solution that works for your family!

[honeybee]

Can I just say I am : over the idea of needing to enroll children in preschool at birth?

I agree, don't play the game. PP had great ideas about getting the pieces you feel your dd is missing by not going to preschool.

Besides, Reggio developed from a universal infant care and preschool concept for ALL children in the town. Is a school that is that elitist truly going to foster the Reggio philosophy?? Is a school with that attitude really the environment you want your dd to grow up in, no matter how good the school is otherwise?

There are other ways to fairly choose students for selected spots, like having a certain ap deadline each year and then drawing a lottery if there are more students than spots (but once you're in, you're in, and siblings get first shot). I really think these schools that are so hard to get into are all about feeding the egos of the administrators and parents, and have little to do with what's best for the kids.

[quaz]

Originally Posted by Nani

Oh hi Amy! It's good to see you again! We both have October 04 babies! How is NYC (I remember when you moved there)?


Well, I just worry about her interacting with other kids more, making friends, etc. We go to a playgroup, but she doesn't have any friends there per se. One of my close friends has a boy who is just too over the top for her, plus he gets spanked and eats tons of sugar and has horrible tantrums. I can't expose her to him as she is deeply frightened by this boy.

All other kids go to preschool. Maybe my brain just needs to let go of this whole idea....

Umm, friends? She is 1 1/2?

Honestly, kids generally do not play together until they are 3. Until then they play side by side. (this is a generalization, b/c some kids do play together well before then...my girls... but as a rule of thumb, 3 is the age they start playing together).


Truly, they don't NEED preschool. Can't you keep her on a wait list for the school, and maybe she can get in next year or if a new slot opens up? Have you talked to the school you want about this possibility... let them know you REALLLLLY want this school and want to be on a wait list, that you'd rather wait for this school than go anywhere... just talk with them and figure out how you can make it happen at some point, if that is what you really want.

And yes, you can do things at home. I have a 2 month old and a 3 and 4 year old... all of us are at home.


Tammy

[Teensy]

Can I just say I am over the idea of needing to enroll children in preschool at birth?

So I guess it'd really drive you : to have to sign up for preschool during your second trimester! That's about when you need to sign up to have a chance at getting into one of the better preschool in my area! I felt so odd filling out an application for an unborn, unknown gender, unknown name, unknown date of birth, child!!! But, then again, he DID get a spot in the preschool class we wanted. :

[True Blue]

BTW, the little girl in question is 2.5 not 1.5!!!!

[quaz]

Originally Posted by True Blue

BTW, the little girl in question is 2.5 not 1.5!!!!

my bad... i just saw the 1.5 when applied and missed the 2 in the siggie...

[Nani]

Yes, she's now 2.5 now and will be almost 3 when preschool starts in the fall. I spoke to the teachers and they said people used to sign kids up before they were born and now they decided to take applications right after the birth. The teacher asked me if I wanted to sign up my baby when it's born (I'm due in a week or two) and I said "umm, I guess so...".

What makes me a bit angry is to know that these preschools all take application fees of $50+ even if they already KNOW that they have only 10 spots open and well over 300 applications already. I find it deceitful because we all hope to get a spot and they say "Oh just put in an application" and there is just no chance to even get on a list.

[honeybee]

Originally Posted by Teensy

So I guess it'd really drive you : to have to sign up for preschool during your second trimester! That's about when you need to sign up to have a chance at getting into one of the better preschool in my area! I felt so odd filling out an application for an unborn, unknown gender, unknown name, unknown date of birth, child!!! But, then again, he DID get a spot in the preschool class we wanted. :

Um. Yeah. I just think the whole thing is nuts. : : If I lived in that kind of environment I think we'd be homeschooling.

[Lillian J]

Here's an article that might help think it through - the title is taken from a comment the author's little boy said upon coming home from his 3rd day of preschool:
"Preschool Is A Stupid, Boring, Waste of My Time!"

I have to add that my own child did go to preschool, and it was okay - even quite fun at times, and the teachers were absolutely wonderful (it was in Mill Valley, across the bridge from you) - although it before the time when preschools started pushing 3Rs in any way. But with all the fun resources available today, you can very easily provide all the fun stimulation a child that age needs - without the expense and hassle. It was definitely a mixed bag - there were lots of days when my little one didn't want to go into that big crowd of children. If it hadn't been that his best little buddy went there, we might not have done it - although I must admit that I was influenced by everyone telling me this was an absolute must in order to get ready for kindergarten in following years. I knew nothing at the time about all this, and they had older children, so I assumed they knew. Looking back, I think it was simply local tradition. - Lillian

[PiePie]

I just wanted to say I too feel pressure for "the best," and dismay that we can't afford it. I think the blame properly belongs on the paucity of quality choices out there. We need to demand more, even at public expense. If well-researched MDC moms can't "win the race," what about the fate of children born to less engaged parents? This is just wrong.

[KJoslyn78]

i gotta agree with the pp about finding some HSing families with preschool age. If it wasnt for the fact DD#2 recieved special ed services (a special ed teacher and PT) i would be HSing her this upcoming year for preschool. i think the other poster said it wonderfully already so i won't repeat just for the sake of repeating - but wanted to add that i think it's a wonderful idea given the area you live in there are so many oppertunities in larger cities!