Considering a homebirth!

[LBBmom]

Hi ladies!

My name is Amy. I found out last week that I am pregnant with my 4th (and final) baby.

I have had 3 hospital births that have been huge disappointments for me.

The first one was a highly interventive induction with pitocin, epidural, internal uterine monitor, fetal scalp probe, IV, catheter....you name it I had it. After 2 solid hours of pushing and a nice big episiotomy, my son came into the world....and I felt like I had been hit by a train.

The second birth took place in a hospital with me confined to bed (because the stupid monitor wouldn't pick up where I was more confortable in the chair). It was a pretty fast delivery, but painful and out of control. Thankfully I didn't have time for the epi that I begged for.

My third was another hospital birth. We ran to the hospital after the first contraction and my daughter was born 30 minutes after we got there. The doctor didn't even make it for the delivery. Again, I was stuck in bed and received no labor support from the staff at all.

I just cannot bring myself to go through another hospital birth. Just the thought makes me ill. I want to birth on my own terms with no one forcing me to bed, sticking me for labs and IV's and controlling MY labor.

I'd love a birth center birth but with my super fast labors, it's just not an option since we don't have one close.

So I am looking into home birth. It honestly would not be my first choice, but the idea is growing on me. My only concern is that the midwife won't make it and I will end up delivering all by myself.

I just wanted to introduce myself since I will likely be lurking and posting here.

[Evergreen]

nak

welcome, hope you find the info and support you deserve.

[velveeta]

good for you!

Welcome!

I just had a wonderful home, waterbirth almost one month ago. You can read my birth story here.

After the birth, I just kept saying over and over: "thank God I didn't have to go anywhere!" My labor was relatively short (6 hours), and intense the whole time. Going *anywhere* would have been very tough.

Good luck to you and CONGRATULATIONS on your new little one!

Jean

[LBBmom]

Hey Jean!

I see you're in Dallas! I'm right outside of Fort Worth. Could you recommend a midwife to me?

[2much2luv]

Just wanted to give you a for homebirth. My first birth sounds just like your first...pit induced, 24 hours, epi, 2 hours pushing, episiotimy, finally a baby. My second birth was a home water birth and it was a world of difference. I just wanna encourage you. After 3 normal/healthy deliveries you are a perfect candidate for homebirth. Go for it!

[miriam]

If a home birth is not your first choice then forget about it.

In the culture in which we live, a person needs to be fully committed to a home birth. As a culture, we worship at the feet of technology and the pharmaceutical industry so reverently that you cannot decide to have a home birth simply because the hospital is so lousy and the idea of a home birth is 'growing on you'.

My mom had my younger sibs at home in the 50's, 60's and 70's and I had mine at home in the 80's and 90's. There are lots of things to consider about having a baby at home especially after birthing in the hospital three times before this one. You will come up against people in your family with funny ideas and weird remarks, and so-called "professionals" who will belittle your decision to have a baby at home.

Welcome to the homebirth forum.

You will have alot to think about. You still have time to consider all of the factors.


I truly hope that you do decide to have a homebirth - it is something that is not decided on a whim, however.

[LBBmom]

I'm hardly deciding this on a whim, but thank you for your input anyway, I think...

My first choice would be a birth center, but since that's NOT a choice, then my next choice is a homebirth.

So you're telling me that every mom who ever birthed at home knew immediately that she was going to birth at home? No one ever really had to think long and hard about it, THEN decided it was right for them?

Sorry, but your response wasn't at all encouraging. I find that a little disappointing considering this is, in fact, the homebirth forum. If I can't get encouragement here, then where am I supposed to find it?

[moonlightinvt]

Congrats on your pregnancy

I'd just like to say--go for it! The differences between the medical-model of pregnancy and birth, and the midwifery-model, will blow your mind!!!

The differences are so profound that, in my opinion, you will know if a midwife-assisted homebirth is right for you after your first visit with a midwife.

I went through my first five months of pregnancy with an OB and none of it felt right (I usually left in tears, but could not put my finger on why). I didn't know anything about homebirths but thought maybe a midwife could attend my birth at the hospital. I made some calls and then set up a consultation. After our first (free, hour-long) meeting I felt soooo much better about the impending birth. I was no longer afraid--I was truly looking forward to every aspect of it.

Because of the wonderful relationship my husband and I had with our midwife, and the confidence we felt in my ability to birth our child NORMALLY, our birth experience was better than I ever imagined.

I wish you the best in your decision-making. I hope this time you have a birth experience you cherish and don't have to look back on with regrets. (If you have any questions on my experience, I'd be happy to fill you in on the lovely details).

[crayon]

Hello,

I wanted to tell you that I just had my first baby 8 weeks ago and we were trying to have her U/C but after 40+ hours of labor we went to the hospital and she was born in less than 1 hour. I would have done 40 more hours to not have had my birth of my baby rushed and on my back with screaming people (besides me!) and my daughter taken right from me. The doctor gave me a shot in my area and she said it was in case she had to cut me- WHAT??? I screamed at her I DONT GIVE YOU THE OKAY TO DO THAT". When I went in I made it clear the cord was to stop and the after birth to come natural- yep right! She cut the cord before Rainey was even on me and was pulling out the afterbirth and that made me bleed real bad. I will never never never again go to a hospital- I understand your fear and anger. Find a midwife- that was our problem we couldnt afford our midwives so we did lots of reading and tried on our own. But, it being my first baby and all I had no idea what to do once I hit the 2nd stage. It is very sad when the doctors dont treat a bith like a wonderful happy special time but insted treat it as just another birth- get it done fast! I hate doctors. That is the only part of my whole birth of my daughter that I hate and want to cry over when I think about it. Find a midwife and go! It is so much better.

[2much2luv]

Oh, crayon, how sad that you had to go through that! I bet you are filled with such anger. I am filled with anger for you that they did that to you. How are you coping with it all?

LBBmom, I didn't decide on homebirth until my 4th month with my dd. It was an idea that 'had to grow on me' It is definately possible for ANY woman to birth at home.

[miriam]

To LBB mom: I did not mean to sound discouraging.

However you stated that your hospital births were fairly quick and easy.

You stated that you preferred to deliver in a free standing birth center, but since one is not reasonably close, then you are considering a home birth?

With a home birth, you will be responsible for alot of things all by yourself that the hospital did for you before, and that a free-standing birth center would take care of also for you. Since it is your fourth, then you probably know more of what to expect in the way of checking for wet diapers, meconium passing, umbilical stump, breastfeeding and any danger signs in the first 24-72 hours. You would probably know how to intelligently discuss this with a midwife your expectations of a birth.

I have known too many women who decided to have a homebirth because "their friend did it, and it all seemed so neat!", kind of reason; only to end up going to the hospital because they became overwhelmed with pain or they were unprepared for the endurance they needed to complete the labor themselves without the medical attention they really believed was needed.

On the boards, I have no idea what anyone's experience or expectations are, but I can lend my own experience, as I have.

[indigolilybear]

LBB
Just anohter go for it!! LOL

One thing that may ease your mind a bit, re: teh baby coming too fast, is that if the baby *does* come too fast, there are *usually* not many serious complications. Most complications come from a prolonged and difficult labor. Precipitous labors tend to be very safe. Maybe reading "emergency childbirth" by G. White might encourage you. Many UC'ers have it on hand but it is written by an MD for emergency tech's stuck w/a laboring woman they can't get to the hospital. It was very encouraging for us and is a quick reference in the case you do deliver w/o your MW. Also DH's tend to like is as it is simple and to the point.

And yes, FWIW, sometimes it does take a while to become confident about HB'ing. In our case, our freebirth, was a long process that was sustained mostly by this little voice inside me that said what we were doing was right for us and our baby. But geez! I was scared sh!tless every step of the way!! LOL. Do your research. ANd listen carefully to your intuition. It is your only totally reliable ally in this process......and your baby!!

[TiredX2]

So you're telling me that every mom who ever birthed at home knew immediately that she was going to birth at home? No one ever really had to think long and hard about it, THEN decided it was right for them?

With my first birth I really wanted to give birth in our nearby birth center. Then my water broke and I didn't go into labor and my midwifes said they would *not* deliver me outside of a hospital so I went. So disappointing.

With #2 we had moved and I considered having DS in a birthing center, but the birthing centers around here are really just hospitlas. I felt I had no other choice (to have the birth I wanted) than to go with a LM at home. It was heaven!!! I wish I had done so with #1. When we (DH & I) decided to have a homebirth it wasn't our #1 choice, but it did become and now I would never do anything different (though we are probably done now).

I have no regrets!!!

Good luck,
Kay

[applejuice]

Go for it!

You sound like a level-headed woman who knows what she wants!

[LBBmom]

Thanks for all of your replies. I really appreciate it.

Actually miriam, I have never known anyone IRL who has homebirthed. I do understand your concern about everyone in my life going berzerk about my choice. However, it would be nothing new to me. I'm the only one I know IRL who cloth diapers, extended nurses, and tries to live a simple, natural life. Most of my of my peers are in the fast lane. Most of my friends are the types to choose a C/S so they don't get messed up "down there". And that makes me so terribly sad.

To me, birth is a spiritual experience. To my friends, it is merely a means to an end.

I regret so much not birthing on my own terms in the past. I feel like I really failed myself. I switched OB's 3 times in the hopes of "getting it right", but FINALLY, I feel like I am.

It is hard to take the road less traveled when all you know is the path that has been trodden over and over. I thank God for the internet because without all of the knowledge and support I get here, I think I would be headed down the same path again.

I am actually looking forward to birth for the first time without fearing it. I feel at peace so much more than I did with past pregnancies. In the past, I rushed to the phone to book that first appointment with the OB the minute that second line appeared. Now I'm just sitting back and savoring the life growing inside me. It feels good.

[cottonwood]

"My only concern is that the midwife won't make it and I will end up delivering all by myself."

Considering that your third birth was so short, delivering by yourself should be something you think about even if you are planning on going to the hospital! The risk of the midwife not making it in time is the same as the risk of not making it to the hospital in time. So I think the question is, given a precipitous birth, would you rather give birth alone at home, or in a car on the side of the road?

My best advice is to keep lurking here, there is a lot of great information! I understand your hesitancy -- *everyone* is hesitant about ideas that are so new they are foreign to them.

[crayon]

2much2luv-
Thanks for the words, I am very upset about the way the hospital treated me like just some other woman and my DP as no one. My daughter was more a case study (because I have a bone condition that she could also have). I am 100% sure that I could have birthed her at home and had a wonderful time. I wish hospitals welcomed birth not just the $$ births bring in. And how dare that doctor give me any drugs when I never asked! Hospitals make me so sad- sad for the moms that had it worse than I, I was lucky that I kept my head and spoke out or I would have been cut to tim buck two. It is very emotional for me, and I think for any woman who has felt violated at such a specital time.

So my advice is HOMEBIRTH!!!! What I would have given to have my daughter and my DP in my own bed the first night of Rainey's life I can not even beging to say. I will never had a baby at a hospital again. I feel like Rainey was striped of something so special. I believe birth is natural and normal and every woman should have the joy of a healthy natrual drug free birth at home!

Am I a bit pushy about homebirth???

EDITED: LBBmom:
I also had a ton of doctors. First 2 midwives (partners) then when I couldnt aford them I went to a CNM who sent me to another Doctor because of my bone condition then I didnt like her so they said try another one in the office then at 36 weeks i went to my bone doctor who is also an OB- but all along I told them I would try my hardest to stay at home and I was only going to them if I decided I needed to go to the hospital. It is so emotional going to all those doctors and still feeling let down in the end. My DP did the best job out of any doctor I could have went to. He gave me hot compresses and rubbed me and took showers with me and let me walk around and supported me and that all stoped the second the hospital got their hands on me. I felt like I was screaming out for him and they wouldn't give him to me. I hope you find a very wonderful midwife- if you decide to homebirth.

[0cean]

HI!

I wanted to use a birth center for my second birth after being dissapointed with my first hospital birth (not a nightmare, but minor issues that still really ruin the experience for me).

When I first found out that homebirth was still a choice and would be paid for by medicaid (dh is a student) I was still thinking it was a little crazy.

I had lots of support from a friend who had a terrible experience at the birth center I was going to, and had lots of info on homebirth (she seriously regeted not having one).

So anyways, it took me a little while to warm up to the idea, but I was very commited by the time I was 7 months pregnant.

My friends and family also are used to me being on a different level of choices than they are. Some were even suppportive, my grandmother was actually excited about it & paid for the pool I used to waterbrth. My husband was a little worried but now he is all for homebirth! So fortunatley I had no reall battles to fight.

What really made sense to me was thinking about the difference between being in my own environment versus being in someone elses environment. The feelings of control and ownership of the experience, and the real acceptance that the people there are there for you on your time, is all very empowering and stress releiving.

And of course not having to go anywhere before or after (I have had two 3 hr labors)!!!

Have you searched to see how far away the local midwives are?

I am for my second homebirth to happen!! Two days late so far and 2+ cm dialated last I checked!!