Help me 2 year old is Violent

[peacefulmom]

ok mammas...a quick rundown..my 3 babes have been through a ton...my ex husband left us a year ago...since then I have taken on small babes to watch full time to make money...and so we have had our issues. My 2 year old is really violent, he hits, slaps and punches me, and all of the other kids, he has punched my 1 year old several times, and recently taken a play screwdriver and stabbed my 1 year old in the back.....I have tried everything..even time outs and physically setting him down in anger..I am loseing it..I am scared and I need help....what do i do.........he is physically hurting all of the babies...he throws big towns and just is out for blood.....help me

[STBSM]

No advice, but hugs! Hang in there.

[chfriend]

First, you must calm yourself and care for yourself. You must do everything in your ability to reach a state of calm peacefulness. You have been through a lot, difficult, unwelcome and unlooked for changes in your life.

You have taken on the task of caring for 4 babies at once during a time your emotional resources are stretched to their limit. The oldest baby is resisting being replaced by 3 people while losing a parent. This show incredible resilience and strength. Hurray!!

Have you noticed what triggers his distress?

[bec]

Is it possible to put him in a carrier (sling, ergo, or something) when he gets that way? Or hold him until he is calm enough to not hit you, then put him in a carrier? The extra, physical attachment to mama may help him feel more secure. It sounds like he is trying to figure out where his place is in the new order, and is getting pretty territorial about it.

And I would also like to second a pp who told you to take care of yourself. It sounds like you have all been through a lot.

[Mama Strega]

Frustration

It must be very difficult dealing with that it the moment b/c you have a houseful of other kids needing,wanting, and clamoring for your attention. can you have a buddy over for the afternoon so that when your son has his meltdown you can physically remove him from the rest of the gang and try and sort it out undivided in the moment. You need some resources to lighten your load so you have the mental and physical space to work it through and not just respond crisis by crisis.

Do you have a mama circle or LLL group or neighbor you trust?

And how to you feel about your pedeatrician? Could you talk through this with him her and have the nonjudgemental helpful third eye?

oxoxox

[peacefulmom]

oh mammas thank you for listening....he gets bord and gets mad or wants oldest dd to play and she wont or I am busy with the other kids he just starts picking on everyone.......and I have been getting so very mad.....i feel so drained.. you are all so righ ti need to find my center and calm down when everything is falling.......I really need suggestions.....and yes I will try holding him..during hid fits in the morning.........

[flowers]

My 2 year old is very physical and I take care of two other children.

I couldn't agree more with the advice of taking care of yourself, emotionally and physically. When I am not taking care of myself I have a very difficult time being the parent I want to be. Your son is very aware of your pain and your stress and he wants to see your happy and healthy. He is a mirror of his world bundled up in the developmental stage of a two year old.

Please use us mamas here for support and ideas. Read others posts and get ideas...I know these boards have saved my sanity and helped me be a better parent.


Love to you mama

[rainbowmoon]

I completley agree on removing him from the situation if he is being violent. I have had to do this many times with my DS (he is now 3 and slowly outgrowing the aggression and will mostly listen these days).

also, is it possible for you to carve out extra one on one time just for him every day? also do you keep any kind of schedule or provide structure in his day? this may help you both out a ton. it did for us anyway! :

[rainbowmoon]

btw I wanted to add (or ask) how verbal is your DS? I had to find alternatives for my DS (like punching the couch,etc) before he was really talking and able to express his feelings better. just remember it's so hard to be 2!

& to you and yours.

[mom22girls]

Maybe you should try wearing him before he starts hitting, that may provide some "mom" time. Can you do this while the others are arriving - and thereby he's connected with you before you "connect" with other children? You can give him the job of helping greet everyone. Also, do you start your day "up and at'em" or could you cuddle and snuggle with your guy a little before things get rolling. Also, if you suspect things are about to go south, perhaps, you could have a "time out" to yourselves - a cuddle in a rocking chair or a special hug (when I pick up dd and give her a big squeeze we call it a "pick up hug" and we use it for extra special attention time). Right now, a 2yo needs attention from mom more than others, so try and carve some small, but significant time for just the two of you. Good luck mama - it's a challenge!

[robin4kids]

This is normal!

I also care for other children. I have 3, 2 year olds that i care for other than my 2 that are still at home with me. The 2 yos are making me pull my hair out. They are all hitting, pushing, throwing and pinching. They are driving my 4 yo CRAZY. One of them even likes to push over my 10 month old baby. I was not being very consistant, so now i have started the simple rule: YOU HIT, YOU SIT. EVERY TIME. This also includes pushing, throwing in anger, pinching or any other mean touch. The quiet time is only 2 minutes or less, but I am trying to do it every time. Needless to say we are spending a lot of time in quiet time. It is getting less and less with every day.

I have noticed that when the parents come to pick their child up, their child will sometimes hit them. This is normal, as at 2 kids can't express their mixed feelings, but it still should not be tolerated. I have watched as the parent will be holding their dc and laugh or just say no and still hold the child. The child will continue to hit. The parents have no clue! They will continue to talk to me and ignore their little one. What should be done? Well they need to put the child down, then kneel down and tell their child that hitting hurts, I will not hold you when you are hitting me. Then end their conversation quick.

So I don't worry your 2 year old is not the only one hitting!